Judge — March 22, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A SOLILOQUY. Mrs. Hoogan (from the curb-stone) — “Look at him, now! Ji pit your eyes an him, He has t’ree yar-rds av har-rp-shpangled bygalia ‘round his chist t’ kape his proud falins’ down, an’ t'ree pints o’ Dineen’s phusky under- nathe t’ kape thim up, so he’s overaged, so he is. An’ will yez pipe aff th’ shtyle av him wid thot hat? It's th’ wan he wor married in, they bein’ a bluzzard av a dhraft in th’ choorch, an’ that day wor twinty-five year ago av it wor an inch—wid his ould father wearin’ it hivin's own years before thot. Troth yez cud lose pins in th’ nap it had wanst, an’ now it’s that smooth a phly wud sblide aff it. Look 'v th’ walk he has, wid th’ club an’ rib- bons in th’ hand av him, an’ fer saints’ sake! av he shticks up his hid anny moor th’ nose av him ‘ll drap aff an’ land in his coat-tail pocket. Well, well, well! Yez would n’ belave that phin Oi knew him foorst aff th’ pig we had wud cross th’ road phin he seen him comin’, t’ kape away from th’ inflooence av th’ rags he had on him. wonder that it cud tur-rn Patsey Hoogan from an Oirish shkibber- een into a son of Hibernia in tin year. Oi t'ink Oi'll hov t’ lick him fer luck afther th’ percission, t’ tek a few yar-rds av concait out o' him an’ fit him fer th’ chuvvle an’ barry at th’ gas-house in th’ marnin’. Be gorry! it do mek me hear-rt sore t’ hear a Ditch band phlayin’ ‘God sev Oirelan’.’ Troth, Oi'll go home an’ chillibrate a bit wid pfwat he lift in th’ jimmyjohn.” NATURE'S LAW. DON'T fret about your debts, ‘The rest of us have plenty ; For ever) one you pay Somebody funs up twenty. “Tis nature's law of life Mankind shall be a debtor ; And he only pays who leaves This country for a better. Indeed, the world itself Owes each of us a living ; ‘The smallest creature shows The lesson I am giving ; ‘The sparrow on the tree Has never time to tarry, With his living to collect And his little bill to carry. EVA LOVETT CARSON, WHICH? Snodgrass —“ Emperor William has trouble with his ears again, I see.” Snively —" His side ears or his frontiers 2” HOW WE CELE- BRATE. PAT fects more like adorning, But not so much like fight, On Saint Patrick's day in the morning Than Saint Patrick’s day at night. A SIGHT DRAFT. Mrs. Fussbudget (as her husband leaves the bu- drawer open) —"Oh, Alfred—atchoo!—do shut— atch !—that great, big—choo! —drawer ; it—ch-choo! —makes such an aw—choo! —ful draught—atchoo! atcho-o-0-0 !" reau Ameriky do be a SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. WE FORGIVE only when we forget. Title is a cloak which often proves a misfit. Those who grasp at much find the hand close on nothing. It is only when a measure-full is-denied him that one learns to value the grains. The craving for commenda- tion, for a friendly appreciation, for some visible sign that our ef- forts are understood and our good qualities admired, is as natural to the smallest child as to the greatest man; and its satisfaction is as nec- essary to the one as to the other. Pfwat's thim letthers yez hov on yure sash 7 Oi bought thim at but me boy Jimmy tould me th an’ Oi got th’ ould ‘coman t’ sew thim o aunt] "ta ‘ore on th’ Bowery. Oi ain't much on shtood fer ‘Garry Ahearn’s Regalia,’ 269 DIsTaity POLICE Station UNCONFINED CHEERFULNESS. Ike!" S—"Ask his whiskers to stop at th’ Brunswick a minnit. I wanter git my POLITICAL INSTRUCTION. ere’s a dog-fight Say, young feller, you don’t get me out on any such string as that. They's only one way t vote twice in this shop. Rupexs—'* How's that ?” Inspector —" Two-dollar bills makes elegant'overcoats fer extry bal- A WARM WINTER. AMONG the many oddities of this warm winter we note the following : Dandy lyin’ stories bloomed all over the country long after Christmas. Blizzards coming east wore straw hats and dusters. Grass grew in the streets of Philadelphia during all the winter months. A warm feeling _ prevailed between B. Harrison and Baby McKee. Spring-bottom pantaloons ap- peared on the streets as early as January first. Home-grown strawberry ice- cream could be had all through December and January. Flowers of sulphur bloomed in the drug stores. Spring chicken ripened every month of the winter. WILL IT EVER BE? HAVE people saj ‘Turn about is fair play, So the drinkers should now be abstainers. Two dollars should be ‘The exact legal fee And the doctors should take the retainers. 6. « ¢ heard LOOKED THAT WAY. Guest —" What's this little thing you've brought me?" Porter — Towel. sie.” Guest—"Ah,1 see. That midget family was boarding here last week.” OME birds are in their habits Quite luxurious, ‘tis said, For when they sleep upon the wing ‘They use a feather bed. comicbooks.com