Judge — March 15, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A CONJUGAL DIALOGUE. ¢* BEFORE our marriage,” complained the fe, “you assured me that my pathway through life should be strewn with roses, where- as I spend my evenings mending stockings.” “Well, darling, you know you couldn't walk on roses, barefooted, on account of the thorns.” PRAYER ANSWERED. S!! E was so cold I prayed the gods Yo turn her heart. The spell began. The gods were kind ; her heart was tumed ‘To love—alas! another man A FATAL ERROR. Mrs, Merritt—"\ hear your daughter lost her place as typewriter. Did she make some mistake? Mrs. Badger —"Yes; she fell in love with one of the clerks before she had given the boss time enough to take a liking to her.” Herr Songstrom’s luxuriant mustache h: EF | HED TIME. IB [hed time tu waste a-foolin’ Es sum folks du ith pen ‘n’ ink, T’'d write sech things ’s'd make the people Jest stop 'n! think / T'd prove ‘tt the Century folks 'n Harpers 'N’ Lippincotts ‘n’ all the rest O' them ere fellers ‘t think they're printin’ ‘The very best, ‘Thet ‘tain’t no trick tu du sech writin’ Es they see fit tu call surblime ; T'd jest gi ’m a few good samples Ef I hed time. *N’ [kinder think ‘t'd set'm sguirmin’ wu find thurselves so badly beat, ‘twould be sorter mortifyin’ Tu thur conceit ') But they're so orful puffed up, mebbe “Twould du 'm good tu comb ‘em down *N’ let ‘m know thur'n hain't the ondy Real poets ‘roun’ ! 'N’ I'd jest like it, fur I've ben achin’ Tu soar away on wings o' rhyme — But ‘shaw ! thur ain’t no use o' talkin’, J can't git time, 1. T. sLavson (N F wine do not touch, ‘Tis a magical stufl ; One drink is too much, Jo Two drinks not enough, Lawd! Mi ar oe JUST A LITTLE OUTSPOKEN. Mrs. PLumper—'*Take Mr. Gooleigh and slip into the billiard-room. ‘There's a small anti- Lenten waltz going on.” Miss RicarD (who dnows Gooleigh's disability as a dancer)—" Thank you ery much: but I’ done about all the penance I can stand rr STILL ANOTHER ACCIDENT. ad been his especial pride for years, but it behaved very badly on one occasion, ‘The wires of his electric scarf-pin s INDEED? 4 GAY, mamma,” asked a sweet young miss of five, “why do people have swo ears when they can only hear one thing at a time?” A MERCENARY BEAUTY. HE takes no interest in croquet ; At tennis one would think she sleeps : You find, though, when the bi.ls you pay, At love she always plays for keeps. AN UNNECESSARY QUERY. Dolley —* Some of these philosophers make me very tired with their foolish questions. Here’s one: ‘Why don’t our young men come to the front?" JSaysmith —* What's the matter with that?” Dolley —" Matter! Why, if the questioner had ordinary powers of observation he would see that you bald-headed chaps monopolize the seats nearest the stage.” got crossed with one end of it. SHE FETCHED ’EM. A PARIS milliner has made a ten-strike by teaching her par- rot to say every time a fair client enters, “Oh, ain't you just lovely A TIFF. THEY had a quarrel and she sent letters back next day ; His ring and all his presents went To him without delay. “Pray, send my kisses back to me!” He wrote; ‘‘could you thei forget She answered speedily that he Must come himself and get them. A MISSISSIPPI JOKER. HE ROUSTABOUT (heaving the lead)—"* Ma-a-th—, fo’ d° libbin istah Pilot, dey’s jess one foot less den no watah at all! EVIDENTLY SHE HAD. Mrs, Timothy Seed —"\ know that speckled hen is laying eggs every day by the way she cackles, but I can’t find the nest. Mr. Timothy Seed —" Perhaps she has mislaid her eggs.” THE FINAL STEP TAKEN. Husband —"Can nothing dis- suade you from your determination to go on the stage?” Wife—* Nothing. 1 have al- ready filed my divorce papei comicbooks.com