Judge — March 1, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A MODERN SUCCESS. IIE editor returned my verse But, being a persistent soul, And told me it was commonplace ; All undismayed, with judgment shrewd, “The thing you say has been remarked T hit upon a little plan Full many times with better grace ; ‘To circumvent my censor rude; Also, my friend, the thing you say For well I knew he'd not object Is far from clever any way.” To lack of sense—in dialect. And so again, with heart elate, Behold ! of praise and other pay I wrote in cloudy phrase and coarse, Henceforth I have not any dearth ; With such gymnastic spelling as ‘The papers now quote all I say, Disguised the lack of mental force, And send my spelling round the earth ; The self-same thoughts—if thoughts they be— For sudden fame, with due respect, So curtly posted back to me. Has writ my name—in dialect. DIRS. GKORGE ARCHIBALE DISSATISFIED ANY WAY. JONES has a son who is badly stage-struck. “Unhappy boy!” exclaimed the irate parent, “and you actually propose to dishonor my name on the boards of a theatre?" “Why, father, I would take an assumed one.” “Well, sir, how would that help it? Supposing you were to succeed, much credit I should get if no one knew that I was your father!" A FAIR DIVISION. © + ]MAMAIA and papa and brother all want to see their little girl,” said Aunt K. to the little niece who had been left in her care for a few weeks. “Do the reflected, “I b’ unscrew my upper part and go home to Boston with that and send my legs to school here. 1 Dllieve I'd learn ‘bout as much, don’t you?” PERHAPS SHE A ie DOES. Ke Hin Sue—* Oh, Mamie! nt I've a big secret for you. CLOSELY LINKED. Fred and 1 are going to Conwett.—"* Little Ducey’s the most attent- elope.” ive husband I've séen. He's always with his MWaRIo A DOee wife wherever she goes. Sea Dorkixctox —" He has to be. She wears YOUr Mother know your him on her jet with the other charms.” route?” nr jf (we pre week 008 Pe week IN A TROY CEMETERY. Fine monument you've got there, sir.” that's in memory of my pet game-cock. ho's the little stone for?" ‘tdead sure, but I believe one of my wives occupies that loca THANKFUL FOR SMALL FAVORS. ‘ AMBITIOUS young fellow volunteered to report on a daily paper. He was to re no compensation at the outset. “Yes, I'm beginning to get a little pay,” he said to a friend after several weeks of the expe' “they've given me a grammar and a dictionary WHY HE DOESN’T. E'S meddleson and impudent, and struts about with pris ‘That would shame a turkey-gobbler till in the grass he'd hide He's told to mind his business, but he's not that way inclined— He hasn't 2 y business and he hasn't any mind, THE RULING PASSION. \- = hy Doctor —" How's your wife this morning, Mr. Bagle NO SALE Bagley —*V'm afraid she's pretty near death, doctor.” R—"" What a lovely puppy! Are you sure he’s gentle?” es, lady. His mother, behind me here, come from a nunnery in Sibery, where she was ejjicated by th’ sisters. Doctor —Has she had any sinking spell? Is she growing weaker?" No; but she’s been bossing me around lively this morning, and you know, doc., that the ruling passion is, strong in death.” comicbooks.co