Judge — February 15, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a 4} JUDGE 309 CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. It vas oxceedingly unnecessary for a feller to dink dot he could shtop all der vhile at der banquet tables of his life. Der wicisitoots of dis vorldt vas somedimes bring choy to der afflickted und much many troubles to der brosberous. . a Dhere vas much many mens dot vas know dot dhey deserf a goot lickings, but dhey don’d would allow efery feller to gif it to him. It vas a pooty goot meditations dot der goot tings vhich der Lord did gafe us vas plaindy efidence dot der efils vhich he sends vas not inflicted mit malices, When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria. When she was @ Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, ‘When she had Children, she gave them Castoria “TL wonder why so any people commit suicide in the spring, doctor?” ‘I don't kno I think myself that a well or a river would be better,” was the doctor's quiet reply.—Flmira Gazette. A Montreal man says the recent mild spell was due to ‘a slight variation in the polariscope of the pentateuch, occasioned by a constant efiluxion of electricity.” This tallies almost exactly with the magneto-solar-hole-in-the ether theory advanced by a western New York editor.— Utica Herald. A good deacon of the town of Perry, Me., tells a start- ling story regarding his curious experience while killing fowls, He was preparing for an extensive new year's dinner, and killed three fowls. ‘The last one, instead of flopping around like an ordinary hen and dying when its head was cut off, got up and walked about ten feet, laid an egg and gave up the ghost. In the mean time the fowl's head cackled for nearly a minute before that too became quiet. Have you used Packer's Tar Soap for the Complexion or Shampooing ? Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, healthful skin and vigorous hair; cures Dandruff and Skin Diseases ; prevents Chapping. 25 cents. 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Mrs. Winstow's Soormina Svrur for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, 25 cents a bottle. “I'm glad the Angelus is gone.” ‘* Why should you be?" “Oh, L live in north Madison square, and I could really heat those bells all the time. Couldn't sleep."— New York Sun. Mother —"* believe, Charley, you have been at that jam in the pantry.” Boy—'T should think, madam, that a seven-years’ acquaintance with me should protect me from such unworthy insinuations."— Texas Siftings. He could box and run and kick the ball With fine athletic airs ; But he couldn't heed the family call To carry coal up-stairs. —Washington Capital, TAKES THE CAKE simply because its equal can't be found. Try it and judge for yourself. ‘Cabinet Sekt” German champagne. | W'EN DE COL' WIN’ COMES. Tt woan' be long tell de col’ win’ comes Wid its breaf so cuttin’ an’ keen, A blowin’ an’ whirlin’ de ole dry leaves Dat wuz once so putty an’ green. De ole hen’s chickens is all dun grown, An’ some o' 'em's larned how to crow ; Dat sassy young dominick’ll come down a peg. When he freezes bof feet in de snow. De ole 'skovey duck will feel mighty bad ‘W'en dar’s ice on de water by de mill; De po’ ole critter'll hab ter wait fer a thaw Fo! she totes er lump o’ mud on her bill. De hogs squeal loud w’en de frost gwinter fall, An'll crowd one ernudder in de pen ; One doan’ keer if de udder gwinter freeze— Hogs, dey's mighty like men. De leaves comes ercross de ole grabeyard Wren de col’ win’ r'ars-an’ raves ; Dey whirls an’ rattles on de frozen groun’, Den settles in de sunken graves. Dey puts me in min’ o' de chillen o' de yearth, De mou'nful ‘dition o' us all ; We's fresh an’ green in de spring o' de year— We's blowed in de grave in de fall. Opie P. Read in Chicago Herald, It was a woman who discovered that there is warmth in the sparkle of a diamond, ‘That is why no glove is needed on a jeweled hand.—Binghamion Xepublican. ysic to the dogs," and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr. J. iegert & Sons. Ask your druggist. The weather that beamed upon the earth yesterday was like the kiss of a Boston girl—it looked pretty, but it sent cold chills down the backbone.— Baltimore American, ** How did you like Mr, B—'s singing at the con- cert last night?” asked a lady of a woman accustomed to surprising her friends by her unexpected speeches. “Oh, L enjoyed it very much !” was the enthusiastic re- ply. | ‘tHe is really quite a prima donna, isn't he ?"— Youth's Companion. “*T never could understand,” said old Mrs. Goodheart as she laid down her paper after reading an account of the last hotel fire, ‘how so many people are incarcerated in these awful horiscopes. It seems such an easy mat- ter to get out of a burning hotel ; why, it's very simple to just climb down one of them hand-grenades that they have on all the hotels nowadays. There's no excuse for getting created alive if you keep your wits about you.” —Elmira Gasette, The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y, PRICE, $26.00. Loaded for 100 Pictures, “The Marquis.’ Directions “ How to Order,” prices, etc., mailed free, on application. Address WN. ESPENSCHEID, NEW YORK. WILL SECURE FOR YOU A SAMPLE OF SG For sample send 2 cts, box 645, New York, PRICE $1292. ER OASE: PER 2 PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. A SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. Prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. ury, and not a low-priced article. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. 16 First-prize Medals. Wm. 8S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com