Judge — February 8, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WITHIN HER MUFF. I WATCH her as she tucks away Her very swagger porte-monnaie, Her lace kerchief, her powder-puff, And, as if that were not enough, She to this formidable array Adds tickets for the matinée Within her muff, I marvel much with man’s dismay That such small space holds this display. ‘Then suddenly through lace and fluff, Unmindful of her "* Don't be rough,” T seek to find if room there may Be for aught else that comes her way Within her muff, And though she frowns and cries me Ppa] tt nay I persevere in love's affray ; Itouch a glove, small, dainty, buff, And then—from out its silky ruff A small hand slips in mine—I say ‘The sweetest thing I found that day Within her muff. EOrTH Sassions TUPPER NOT QUITE RIGHT. 66 NOW tell me, Master Tommy, where do pears grow?” “On pear-trees.”” “Good; and dates?” “On calendar-trees IN THE HANDS OF HIS FRIENDS. Dh, yes; I had the a year ago, but Bagley borrowing hat I'm cured now Bailey —" Who cured you? Bagley —" My friends.” THE MODERN CRAZE. Actor (alter a performance of * Hamlet) —" What is the au ence waiting for? The play is ended. Manager —"Not much it ain't. Your advance-agent prom- ised to have the First grave-digger sing the McGinty song and every man in the house bought a ticket on that promise. Actor the sidewalk ?" that truck.” Trot out, Gabe, and give it to them.” THE TALL MAN AND THE BARBER. seys: THIS the ‘ber-shop ?" man, carrying a satchel, ist's studio. “Yis, sah; walk “Can I get shai ah; yo" nex’, sah!" “Hair cut? art’nly, sah!" shampoo? Oh, yis, sah!" ‘The man walked in, placed his satchel on the floor and sked a neatly dressed, tall as he entered the tonsorial 1 said the artist. pull teeth to any great extent nowadays, do they?" “Oh, no, sah,’ “But they used to, you know. ‘They used to pull teeth, cup, leech, cut off legs and do other things that hurt almost as much as their razors do now. styles of whiskers now? * Mufstaash, mutton-chops, an’ de English split-chi “Ah, yes! Do you ever find the whole three ¢ on one face? What are the prevailing JUDGE HE COULDN'T RESIST IT. Miss SomeRViLLE—" I wonder why Mr. Throuper prefers the street to Miss Mrproxn—‘* Why, don't you see? There's a mirror on the rear of Mr. BRacesrine! “ Nevah but once, sah. A young man ‘ployed me to block out de free styles fo’ ‘im, so he kun hab ‘em shabe off one by one, sah, to see wich o° dem styles he look de bes’ in, W'en dey was all grow'd he’s afeared to hab any one ob ‘em shabe off, sah, ‘cause mebbe dat be de one wat suit his ‘plexion bes’. Dat young man struggle wiv dem w'iskahs fo’ free mont’s, sah, an’ den he o’der ‘em all shabe off. Den he say: “*Raise me a mufstaash! “Triz hima mufstaash, sah, an’ he hab his picture tooken. want he mufstaash shabe off an’ English split-chin riz, W'en dat was riz he go wiv dat an’ hab his picture tooken. Den off come de English split- chin, sah, an’ we grow him de mutton-chop. Wen he gits a picture ob dat he put de free pictures in a row an’ look at ‘em a minute. Den he frow ‘em on de flo’ an’ flop hisse’f in dis cheer, sah, an’ hollah out: “+ looks like de debble in ‘em all, I docs! Shabe ‘em off!" he say “I shabe ‘em off, sah, "no w'iskahs ‘tall, sah, after dat. “So?” said the tall man, * use bay-rum, of course?” “Yis, sah.” “ And hair-tonic ?” “Oh, yis, sah!” “And the best pomade ?” “ Sart'nly, sab.” “ And—but of course you have that on your shelves—Capulini’s scalpitarium 2” “No, sah. usin’ dat “What!” exclaimed the tall man, grabbing his valise, opening it, and taking out a square black bottle with a gold label. “Don't use the greatest tonsorific of the age? Then let me” “Yo's de nex’, sah!” said the barber, The tall man looked up-at the clock. Jiminetty!” he exclaimed. ““Half-past six! I'll bet nine shil- ling I'm too late to catch Jobson!" ‘The tall man grabbed his valise and rushed out. The barber went to the door and looked after him, “T spec’ mebbe yo’ is too late to ketch Jobson !" id he. “But if yo" jes’ come roun’ dis way ag’in yo" won't be too late to ketch dis hyuh boot, yo" wiite trash yo"! Den he We hain't fell to sah.” 4 xp. Morr, IN AN UNCERTAIN LIGHT. ‘Yo! Sissy Roberson, yo' stan’ ‘way fram dat yer brack-boahd so's 1 kin see 'f yo’s laffin’ at yo" teachah comicbooks.com