Judge — February 8, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 293 McALLISTER’S BALL. Sublime Ward McAllister! Long mayst thou bloom, And posterity fondly thy memory preserve ! Ne'er again shall we witness, this side of the tomb, Such rare incarnation of blue-ribbon nerve. ‘The envy of parvenus, kindler of feuds *Mong the on fon, and prince of the empire of gall— | ‘The fetich of snobs and emasculate dudes— ‘The designer superb of McAllister’s ball ! ‘The concession how great that quadrupled the ranks Of thine august four hundred, immortal, unique ! America owes thee ovations and thanks, ‘And the blue blood of Gotham a respite from pique. ‘The canons of culture can worry thee not ; On thee all behests of good sense vainly call ; Public prints become sewers for ineffable rot Anent the big theme of McAllister’s ball. What boots it if millions of dollars must melt In the river of pleasure? - ‘Twill make it more sweet For those with whom fortune has tenderly dealt— Whose business is folly, whose pastime deceit. ‘Tis urgent to surfeit, important to please Exemplars of shoddy in palace and hall, ‘Though scores of poor devils must hunger and freeze In reach of the lights of McAllister’s ball, But great is McAllister! Long may he wave— His bays never wither, his shadow grow less! For he is the idol of noodiery’s slave Who kneels at the sanctified altar of dress. Earth never can boast or creation afford His equal till time hangs its harp on the wall : “Grand, gloomy, peculiar,” of folly adored, Whose crowning life-work was McAllister’s ball ! —John Talman in St. Paul Pioneer Press. + When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, ‘When she became Miss, sho clung to Castoria When she had Children, she gave them Castoria, Women may not love him, Men may not adore him ; Yet he who wheels the barrow Carries all before him. —Philadelphia Inquirer, When a pol n remarks that he is in the hands of his friends it can generally be assumed that his friends’ hands are in his pockets.—Rickmond Dispatch, Mrs. Wixsiow's SooTHING SyRUP for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhra, 25 cents a bottle. “Will the coming man fly?" asks a scientific writer. Judging from our protracted spell of rainy weather, the *coming man” will have to swim as soon as he gets here.—Norristown Herald. While the wind in capering round to-day kicked up but a little dirt, it lifted many a gentleman's hat and many a lady's skirt; it tossed the bill-boards into the street _and scattered shingles and staves, and hoisted an artificial rain from the creek and the river waves; the heavens with trifling things were thick as the down on the autumn thistle, and the w! lower bridge were shaved as sl Blizzard. skers that crossed on the a whistle. —Oi/ City CENTS PACKAGE, An all-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, the most delicious and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE CO, ‘Ave. D and roth St., New York. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St.. N.Y. SOHMER & CO. Puraperenta, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street; State Street ; Sax Francisco, Cat., Union Club Bt Lovis, Mo., 1522 Olive Street’; Kansas Crry, M TWO PER CENT. ON FORTY THOUSAND DOL- LARS. About a week ago a Detroit real-estate dealer became | very tired and had the following sign printed and posted | on his door : “No tramps need apply.” “No money to lend.” “« Haven't a postage stamp to spare.” “No matches supplied.” “We have had the grippe. “+ Have seen a dozen such “We are not ‘in’ to bores.” “* We have no railroad pass.” ** We don’t want to invest in mines.” No corns to be pared off." No stationery wanted.” “We don’t sign any bonds. “Don't want any life insurance.” ‘Interviewers will please keep out.” The sign had been up a day or so when an old man opened the door very carefully and walked in, and after a bit observed : **T've been reading your sign out here.” “Then profit by it," was the brusque reply. He shut the door and went away, and halfa day later that sign came down. The old man had forty thousand dollars worth of land to sell, and he called upon another dealer and left his memoranda, with the remark that a man who was so mighty exclusive as that could never get near enough to the public to sell anything.— Free ress. “JUDGE” WON'T BUDGE from the high position it occupies, and neither will “Cabinet Sekt,” which is the peer of all champagnes, CARL PRETZEL’S PHILOSOPHY. Simble und moderate bleasures dooks you der rifer of life ofer in bully shapes mitout any odder rudder. In der struckture of der ooniferse everyting vas lofely like der deuce, but dhere vas someting tifference in der gofernment of hooman affairs. Dhere vas much goot consolations in der think dot mit der terminations of der dooration of der vorldt comes der sickness of der bolidical liar. ‘The electric companies seem to be almost as proud of their dead men as they are of their live wires.—AManta Constitution, “Throw physic to the dogs," and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. Ask your druggist. THE STOVE IN THE VILLAGE STORE. When the twilight had deepened to darkness ‘They gathered from far and near— Old farmers who plodded the distance As pilgrims their shrines to revere ; At the shabby old store at the ‘“ corners” ‘They met and they entered the door, For the Mecca of all these old cronies Was the stove in the old village store. It was guiltless of beauty or polish, And its door was unskillfully hung, But they made a glad circle around it, ‘And the genial warmth loosened each tongue ; And they talked of the crops and the weather— “Twin subjects to gossip most dear— And the smoke from their pipes as it blended Gave a tinge to the whole atmosphere. Full many the tales they related, ‘And wondrous the yarns they spun, And doubtful the facts that they stated, And harmless the wit and the fui But if ever discussion grew heated It was all without tumult or din, And they gave their respectful attention When a customer chanced to come in. When the evening was spent and the hour For the time of their parting had come, ‘They rapped from their pipes the warm ashes And reluctantly started for home ; Agreeing to meet on the morrow, When the day with its labor was oer. For the Mecca of all the old cronies Was the stove in the old village store. —Mrs. E. A. Trent in Hardware, MY FIDDLE. | My fiddle? Well, I kind o' keep’ her handy, don’t you know? ‘Though I ain't so much inclined to tromp the strings ‘and switch the bow As I was before the timber of my elbows got so dry, And my fingers was more limber-like and caperish ‘and Spry. P Net I can plonk and plunk and plink, ‘And tune her up and play, And jest lean back and laugh’ and wink At every rainy day, My playin's only middlin’—tunes I picked up when a Nor y The kind 0’ sort o° iddlin’ the folks call corduroy and "* Ryestraw and ** My sthe cowtillions that I saw when the ch’ice is left to me. ‘And so I plunk and plonk and plink, And rosum up my bow, And play the tunes that make you think ‘The devil's in your toe. ‘That's how this dear old fidde's won my heart's endurin’ love ! From the strings across the middle to the screechin’ up above— From her apern, over bridge, and to the ribbon round the throat, She's a wooin’ cooin’ pigeon, singin’ “* Love me" every note! ‘And so I pat her neck and plink Her strings with lovin’ hands, And list'nin’ clost, I sometimes think She kind o' understands ! —James Whitcomb Riley, HILLIPS" = ones®LQOCOD Unequaled for Deli tious Properties. E from all other Cocoas. cy of Flavor and Nutri- ly Digested. Different “The Marquis. Directions “ How to Order,” prices, etc., mailed free, on application. Address N. ESPENSCHEID, NEW YORK. [RYE *WH : inthieUnited States OUR: IEAPPEARS ON EVERY BOTTLE! npsice Dig | YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. ury, and not a low-priced article. Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are 16 First-prize Medals. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial, The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- the finest for the pipe. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com