Judge — February 1, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE aT CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Der free und easy life of a beggar mans vas got der clothes of dignity on, vhen you combare him mit a fel ler dot vas lookin’ pooty vell for bolidicle dishonors. Vhen polidicks dooks der shoes und shtockins mit a man’s mouth out, dot's besser he allow der shmell of a flannel shirts gif him some shtimulations in a pishness a vas more honorableness. ‘4 A polidician dot vas honesty don'd vas too noomerous yoost now. Dhey don’d vas of heaven born und dhey > don'd drop der clouds out, neider vas dhey shpring der ground ub mit its powells out. Ambitions vhich vas lookin’ high up for bolidicle hon- ors for der goot of der coundry vas all rite, but der feller i dot runs himself for an office for der plunder dot vas in f | it, I got me no use for dot fellers. Pa When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria When she had Children, she gave them Castoria A passenger on a train going into Omaha wanted to smoke, and in going forward into the smoking-car he fell off the platform and was killed. An Omaba minister took this as the text of a tirade against smoking, but next day the dead man turned out to be a’burglar who In Africa's wild interior had pursued a wicked career for twenty years and ought to have been killed long ago.—Detroit Free Press. “Tis said a man is found Whose ears extend below his feet ‘And drag upon the ground ; And when he lays him down to sleep, ‘One ear serves for a pillow, ‘The other, as a slumber-robe, Covers this wondrous fellow. Now, don't this prove that an African donkey Fathered our race instead of a monkey? For men have only monkey’s chatter, While full-grown donkeys are thick’ as spatter. Have you used Packer’s Tar Soap for the Complexion or Shampooing ? Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, healthful skin and vigorous hair ; cures Dandruff and Skin Diseases ; prevents Chapping. All Druggists. \ (2-For sample mention Jude, and send 4 stamps to Tur Packer M'r'c Co., 100 Fulton St., N.Y. ONSOLS 25 cents. VERY BEST ALL-TOBACCO CIGARETTES On the Market, SMOKE NO OTHER. Consclidated Cigarette Compa ‘Ave, D aod 106 84,87, THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Aro at preset the Most Popular and Prefered by Leading Artists, Varerooms, 149, 151, 163, 155 East 14th St, W. ¥. SOHMER & CO. And Satan trembles when he sees ‘The weakest saint upon his sneeze. —Boston Transcript, Gabby—" How did you get that dreadful cold?" Snufficon —""1d the datural way, stoopid! S'pose I advertised for plads ad specifigatiods ?"— Texas Sift. ings. Mrs, Wixstow's SootHina Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhara, 25 cents a bottle. The original “* Mary” who had a “little lamb” is dead, but the human prototype of the American hog can be found on any accommodation train,—Nerw Ha- ven Palladium, GOOD HEAVENS! ‘The JUDGE. presents this as the very worst it ever re- ceived, and regrets that the type cannot do half justice to the manuscript. And yet, when a man is at such ex- treme pains to pay a compliment, how sweet that com- pliment ought to be : And now if you pleas In your paper you may place ‘These lines without disgrase For they will take a little space ‘That you may keepe a charming face And have no dissgrace Upon the lines that you may trac And in your paper have a space While the sweete rose That you will great By& by may sprkle So neet, at your feete When the trumpet You may great May sound so seete And yet so clear that you neede may not feear. She—"" Did you let father know you owned a great deal of real estate?” He—"'T hinted at it.” She— “What did he say He—"' He said ‘ Deeds speak louder than words, Munsey's Weekly, WHY NOT HAVE THE BEST when you can? If you are of this opinion try ‘*Cabi- net Sekt" Champagne. It speaks for itself. Publisher—"‘1 wish you would write us a good sea- story.” Great author —" But I have never been to sea.” Publisher—"1 know it. I want a sea-story that people can understand.” York Weekly. Beneath this stone lies old Bill Blair, No more he smiles or wrangles ; His life was always on the square, And hence full of rye-tangles, —Terre Haute Express, Of exquisite flavor, pure and wholesome, Angostura Bitters is a standard table delicacy. Sole manufactur- ers, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. At all druggists. Jebnny —" Mamma, what's the use of keeping. the whip you use on me behind the motto ‘God bless our home?” Afamma—"* Can you suggest a better place?” Johnny —* Yes ; put it behind the motto "I need thee every hour." —New York Herald. She—" You are very kind to invite me to go sleigh- ing, but—did your horse ever run away?" He—"' Often. You see I am careless about horses, and often let the reins fall to the bottom of the sleigh and drive with my feet.” Ske—"T'll go."—New York Weekly, Brown —'" It was Biggsley, I believe, who gave cur- tency to the rumor.” Fogg —"* You do Biggsley an in- justice, Brown. I know Biggsley well, and I know he never gave currency to anything. You couldn't get five cents out of him to save your life.”—oston Transcript. The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the vest.” THE OWLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. | The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., | ROCHESTER, N. Y. | PRICE, $25.00, Loaded for 100 Pictures, CANNOT SHAVE YOURSELFIWHY? BECAUSE YOU NEVER USED VOU Directions ‘‘ How to Order," prices, etc., mailed free, on application, Address N. ESPENSCHEID, NEW YORK. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity A ury, and not a low-priced article. Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. 16 First-prize Medals. tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. and excellence. ‘The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com