Judge — January 18, 1890 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TOO MUCH THERMOMETER © DOUBT the coal and plumber men Will say that 1 am wrong. But why do those who make "em Make thermometers so long? No wonder all the folks in town ‘Pass shivering to and fro, When down below the zero mark ‘They see the mercury 0. At early morn the populace ‘Steps out—the young and old— Consulting their thermometers ‘To see if it is cold ; And they who were not cold at all Are cold enough to freeze As soon as they discover “Te” has fallen ten degrees. Our puritanic fathers, with New England courage stout, Could brave the bitter winters that ‘Tradition tells about : But I'm sure they'd been much stiffer Had they known to measure right ‘Their elevated atmosphere ‘At so much Fahrenheit. The hardy little Lapp would be y to the core door. Likewise the furclad Esquimau ‘No more would hunt the seat If science should reveal to him How cold he has to feel, Outside his frigi No doubt the coal and plumber men Will say that I am wrong, But, would thermometers were not Ho sient aad 29 at, wr I'm convinced gelidity Has power far more keen Whene’er the weather drops a notch Upon a glass machine. HIS LITTLE JOKE. THE DEADLY CIGARETTE. BrakeMas — get it knocked off ye INFREQUENT TRAVELER —'* I can’t haul it in an’ live. Put yer head in, there. 1D yer wanter They's a feller in here smoki with skunk-cabbage, a paper cigar fil DE Is COURT. “Yes, gentlemen of the jury.” urged the prisoner's counsel, nt my client to be acquitted, but he should be paid the five hundred dollars offered by the safe-maker to any one able to force open one of his strong boxes.” ERVED THE REWARD. not only « BENEFIT OF FAILUR Too bad about Turner fai es; too bad.” re the liabilities ?” he liabilities are that Turner will make a clean twenty thousand out of it.” ER (lo baggage-master) —"" It's tough to see a great newspaper lose its ain't WHO SHALL. DECIDE? [8 THE bottom of what ocean lurks that pearl, sincerity ? What proportion of sweet may be added to a cup filled with bitterness? AWhat direct influence is a breaking heart inclined fo have upon the éémére of laugh? If heaven were a place defined, a territory known, how long would a soul stay there if its wings remained unclipped? What is the net value of that gleaming handful of words over which you gloated yes- terday ?- How much of it is fool’s gold? If the prick of love's arrows is an antidote against the poison of death, making one immortal, as the ancients declared, why does not the blind god use them on himself ? What is the average duration of an attack of what the doctors scientifically term “the blues,” and is it due to a lack of gray matter in the brain, to electrical currents in the air, or toa precarious condition of the ventricles of the heart? If love were a philosopher, with telescopic, spectroscopic cyes instead of blind ones, would he not leave off his pi se of his arrows, grow bald and wither way by reason of too much meditation and speculation, and analyzation of the chemi a in which his shafts are dipped? KATHNINE GROSJEAN, A VIRGINIA SOLON. (The butler had succumbed to the charms of the coackman's daughter, mansion-house had gi ld-time wedding at the Pamunky church. Lirtir Frrznve voice as the retreat from the chancel began)—"* Mamma, isn’t that a burnt match?” comicbooks.com