Judge, 1890-01-18 · page 5 of 16
Judge — January 18, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of Judge's humor: **"Ann Mari'"** (top): A dialect poem about two sisters—one plain and hardworking, one beautiful. The joke plays on class/appearance stereotypes and rural speech patterns common in period humor. The narrator resents that suitors prefer the attractive sister. **"An Infant Censor"** (right): A child notices a man's bow and innocently calls it a "white lie," suggesting the adult's gesture was dishonest or insincere. This satirizes both childhood innocence and social pretense. **"Circumstantial Evidence"**: A joke claiming baseball was played in ancient Pompeii because scattered remains of an umpire were found—with his lips still forming the phrase "Fine you ten dollars." This mocks both umpires' authority and archaeological interpretation. **Minor pieces** include jokes about tramping, linguistic freaks, and definitions—all light observational humor about class, gender, and social manners typical of Judge's satirical voice. The dialect and character types reflect turn-of-century American popular humor conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ANN MARI’. AWS! I got my work to do. Carn’t stan’ triflin’ hyere with you, Gassin’ ‘crost the fence like they ‘Warn't no bread to bake today. Better ‘light an’ hitch whilse T Goan’ summons Ann Mari’. * Ain't she got no work on hand?” Well, you see, Jim, some er planned Sort o' plain an’ tough, like me ; Others more for looks, like she. Gyardin’ stuff’s all right—but, my! Roses stands for Ann Harnsome, ain't she? Kind of queer Nature's cranky hand should steer Two sech onlike gyris as we Inter one same family ! Many times I've heerd folks say, ” Them two sisters ?—aw, go "way!" No way strange. I always was Saller-skinned, with all this furz— Black as ink—by way of hair, Whilse our Ann Mari’ is fair As they make "em! Law! but why Talk? You've seen our Ann Mari’! Knowed her, ain't you, sence we all Played at “tag "" when we was small ? Z was sniffiin’, gener'ly, *Cuz you tagged her more 'n me! Even then I sensed right spry You'ns liked our Ann Mari’. Nat'ral. Every one you meet ‘Thet thar mare hes fipped some dust AN INFANT CENSOR. Thinks she’s jest as sweet as sweet. In my eyes, scems like. I'l just si 5 sth All the young men, fur an near, Run for Ann—law me !—why, Jim /— “* Didn't you see Mr. Huntingdon bow, auntie?" Comes a courtin'—now see yere ! Leave a-go of me, you limb! ; r Kate (who never liked him)—"'1 wasn't just sure. The snow Quit yer blushin’ ! — light, whilse I *T's me you want }—aw, Aush—why—why- blinded my eyes, you know. abet Go an’ summons Ann Masi’! Twas sure "twas Ann Mari’! cr I'm afraid that's what they call a white lie.” RVA WILDER MCGLASSON. HE COULDN'T GO IT. ‘ SHERE IS some pie that we can’t eat,” said the farmer's wife to the tramp, “and if you want to help me get rid of it I shall be obliged to you. Thanks, ma'am,” said the tramp. “I always feel like helping those who deserve help, but "eying the food suspiciously—" I am no eleemosy- nary institution.” CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE. Waggs—It has recently been proved that base-ball was played in Pompei Gaggs —* How can that be?” Waggs—" The remains of an unmistakable umpire have been found scattered in various sections of the city, and the head had its lips formed to utter the cabalistic ‘ Fine you ten dollars,’ when the maddened teams evidently bore down upon him and demolished him.” ae OF SOME USE AT LAST. ‘The jig’s up, my friend. Where did you get that pe 2" “I'm ketched, an’ I don’t mind tellin’ yer. One 'r my pards sent me an Atterbury watch fer a Chris'mas flyer, an’ I swiped th’ spring.” A LINGUISTIC FREAK. N DOLLARS for that parrot? Why, it’s simply “What are they?” “ Why, English and—his native tongue.” SAD BUT TRUE. ALAS! 2 lass is sometimes false, For false a maid is made ; Her waist is but a barren waste— ‘Though stayed she is not staid. A NEW DEFINITION. Little Miss Fanny —"\ say, Bob! can you tell me what UNADULTERATED ENVY. a widower is?” ATTENUATED McBrEaTH—"' You never got kicked out of ev'ry restaurator from ‘Master. Bob (aged eight) —"Don't know, Fanny, unless Chatham square t' Harlem, an’ had a copper Kick yer four times in th’ same place, an" . Z slep’ on a busted truck, an" had a sixty-poun’ Irish biddy tell yer ter go an’ fergit yer pain it's the husband of a widow.” diggin’ clams in th’ aqueduc’. did yer?” comicbooks.com