Judge — January 18, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE ONE BROTHER ENOUGH. jow, then, Jennie,” said the bridegroom to the bride, after they had returned from the church where the knot had just been tied, ‘how many brothers have you?” Yr Brothers !* exclaimed the bride in astonishment, “you know I haven't any brothers, I'm the only child of my parents.” “Oh! I know that; but how many young men did you promise to be a sister to before you accepted me? Those are the brothers I want to know about.” ** Well,” replied the bride, smiling, “I think I must have about half a dozen brothers." ‘All right. You just drop a note to each of them and tell them the brother-and-sister business is all off now, as you have got a husband. If they want sisters tell them to look around among the girls that are single, I'm all the brother you need now."—Boston Courier, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria Years hence the men who served on the Cronin jury will wake up in a cold perspiration in the dead of night from horrible nightmares in which they seem again to be cooped up in some stifling inclosure, helpless, unable to get away, and listening despairingly to a speech from Mr. Forrest.—Chicago Tribune. THE KAISER'S FAVORITE is “Cabinet Sekt,” because it is the best champagne ever produced, ‘Try it and judge for yourself, Old Mr. Widower had been sitting silently alone with Miss Autumn for about fifteen minutes. - Finally he spoke: ‘*Miss Autumn, you are pretty’—— ‘Oh, Mr. Widower!" ‘You are pret" “How can you, Mr. Widower?" “'I started to say that you are pretty” — _ “Oh, you horrid man, stop!" ‘* Condemn it all, woman !" shouted Mr. Widower, rising and breaking for the door, "I wanted to say that you are pretty near as oldas Tam. Now, demme ! I think you're twice as old.”” —San Francisco Examiner, Judicious speculation the road to riches. Jackson, Sprague & Co., 38 New street, New York, conduct Wali street operations on ten dollars to one thousand dollars, The Ainsworth (Neb.) Star refers to the editor of a contemporary at Long Pine as ‘*a contemptible, sneak- ing, lying chunk of fetid fruit,” who would sell the good name of his own mother for a soiled postage- stamp." Have you used Packer's Tar Soap for the Complexion or Shampooing ? Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, Ithful skin and vigorous hair; cures Dandruff and ; prevents Chapping. 25 cents, All tay-For sample mention Judge, and send 4 stamps to Tur Packer M . 100 Fulton Si x, THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., W. ¥. SOHMER «& CO., Pwitapecenta, Pa. 1318 Chestnut Street HCAGO, Tit., 236 State Street ; San Franctsco, Cat., Union Club Building ; St. Lovts, Mo., 1522 Olive Street ; Kansas Crry, Mo., 1123 Main St. Bote Sioes Linen, E KANSAS PHILOSOPHY. When a thief steals a thing his first action after get- ting away is to start a story that some honest man is a thief, You are even with the weeds now that the frost has come ; but the killing frost always comes too late to do you any good. Any boy will save money to buy a gun. It is the boy who saves money who has no gun in view who de- serves the most credit. ‘An unfair thing in this world is that we never know there is an ounce of prevention until we have taken our pound of cure. If your heart is larger than your head you injure yourself, and if your head fs larger than your heart you injure your neighbors. A big man can be excused for walking on the streets with alittle man, but a little man appears to a poorer advantage beside a big man than at any other time. The doctor who cuts a man open after death and tells what is the matter with him has the advantage of the doctor who is compelled to guess what is the matter with the patient before death. Atchison Globe, Mrs. Wixstow’s SooTHING Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea, 25 cents a bottle. BATHOS FROM THE “HUB.” Through evening's peaceful hours, When asleep are all the flowers, And the frog a nocturne warbles to his mate, mate, mate ; And the silvery moon is beaming, ‘Then Corydon is dreaming Love's dream with lovely Phyllis ot the gate, gate, gate, Sweet courtship ! oh, enjoy it! Nor hasten to destroy it By making all too soon the maid your wife, wife, wife ; ‘The whispering and the sighing Prolong—the hours now flying Are the sweetest you will ever know in life, life, life. —Boston Courier. ‘To stimulate the appetite and secure good digestion, use Angostura Bitters. Sole Manufacturers, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons. Ask your druggists. Kings have their fun just the same as common mor- tals. "King Humbert of Italy has already gray hair and beard, In order to correct this his queen, the beautiful Marguerite, purchased a box of well-known hair coloring material recommended by a French firm. She presented it to her husband, but instead of a more youthful-looking king she found her favorite lap-dog dyed an ugly green on the following morning. ‘* To-morrow,” he said, “your Brazilian ‘parrot will have its turn.” But from that hour the hair-dye disappeared and the locks of King Humbert remained unchanged Attention is called to the investments of the Mortgage, Bank, and Investment Company, Fargo, N. D., which pay from nine to twelve per cent. per annum, HER FATHER, Professor X. would oft bestow His curse on me, say I was slow, Would fume and fret, disparage, scold, Would vow my faults were manifold, ‘And ever show himself my foc, One day I met a maid with glow Of beauty on her cheeks, and oh ! She soon expelled all thoughts of old Professor X. I met her oft out walking, though I knew not where she dwelt, and so One day I followed her (grown bold), And when I saw the house, behold ! 1 knocked, the door was oped, and lo ! Professor X, 1111 A current paragraph states that *‘ Benjamin Franklin's watch is in the possession of a gentleman in Lancaster, Pa.” We had no idea that any of Benjamin's uncles were still living. Did Benjamin ever soak his Benjamin, as well as his super—in book-English, did Mr. Frank- lin pawn both his overcoat and his watch?—Buffalo Express. The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. PRICE, $25.00. Loaded for 100 Pictures, For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. b GOLD MEDAL AWARDED AT PARIS 1889 *Lalgates Shaving Jaap For sample send 2 cts. box 645, New York. (a mes “The Marquis. Directions ‘* How to Order,” prices, ete., mailed free, on application. Address N. ESPENSCHEID, NEW YORK, YOUMANS. CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Brosa-way. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. A SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. Do not allow prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a tris!, It is simply perfection, and a lux- ury, and not a low-priced article, Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. 16 First-prize Medals. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co, comicbooks.com