Judge — January 18, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SONG OF THE LEVEL-HEADED LADY- HELP. HEN the house filled with parties galore And the missus was loaded with care; When the master got nervous and swore And the children got wild as the air; Then the time came for me to complain, I did it with eyes and with Four dollars I got at the start, They had to give five to keep Frances. When the cook was caught cating the tea And the coachman struck hard for a drag; When the butler got drunk as an owl And the housekeeper joined in the jag; Then the time came for me to complain, I did it with voice that entrances; Five dollars 1 got as advance, They had to give six to keep Frances, When the ball came to wind up the spree ‘And the guests had to pack up and leav When the house was left soiled and musse ‘And the air was too heavy to breath ‘Then the time came for me to complain, I did it with capers and dances; Four dollars they gave at the start, They had to give fen to keep Frances. «, STAY-AT-HOME BET. . sexton nearly out of his senses. Bet’s mother giggled, ‘Then the sisters 1 S 1 SAT in the old easy-chair in front of the open fire last night I fet! !@ughed: and the little bearers mopped their brows. I laughed so heartily to thinking of Bet. She was the queerest girl T ever knew. Nothing '™YSelf that—I awoke. Thad fallen out of my chair. TONE 1, Jones, could hire her to go away from home. Born and bred on the farm, she had never left it in her life. She had several offers of marriage, but refused . A GOOD FINANCIER. them all. Utterly different from any one I ever knew, always saying and Father —"1 hope you are doing well in the financial world, my son.” doing the strangest things. When Bet was nearing her twenty-fifth birth- Son day she became despondent over a rag-carpet. She had sewed in too — good luck much yellow. This broke her heart. She lay down on the floor and Father ceased to breathe. Bet had always said she would like to be buried ina speculation boiler. So out from the wash-room came the old copper boiler and in Son went Bet. Her bearers were six little men from neighboring farms, all to-night.” of whom had loved her unsuccessfully in life. They attempted to carry father; 1 made three thousand last year, but if I have I shall make a cool fifty thousand.” You have great business ability, Jack, Is it legitimate Oh, yes; Miss Hendricks is going to give me an-answer her body two fields to the family burying-ground, but the boiler would “IN HOC SIGNO,” ETC. . not budge, Even the oxen were unable to pull it. Suddenly it arose in Indignant citizen —" You're just as bad as the rest of the druggists.” the air. The little men grasped it quickly and almost ran their small legs Druggist—" What's the matter?" off to keep up as the old copper hustled over the ground and plumped itself Indignant citizen —"Nour sign there says ‘Prescriptions carefully down under the barberry-bush near the house, where Bet had always compounded,’ and here you have given me nitro-glycerine pills for quinine.” peeled potatoes in the summer time. Pete, the great Shanghai, crowed Druggist (calmly, —" If you will look at that sign, sir, you will see twenty-five times as he teetered on the paling near by, which scared the _ that it reads ‘ Prescriptions carefully confounded.” THOSE FOLDED CHECKS. Iurecustovs Sweezey —" What's the matter with my maki with old Life. He can afford "a quarter Casiitex —" You ate more'n usual t'day, didn’t you, Mr. Sweezey 7” Romichoake ci