Judge — January 11, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

225 GIERA, SIBERIA. (Still ahead of the game.) UDGE, New York—I am alittle bit apologetic, but I had to go a few thousand versts out of my way on account of a happening at u Ghamda, Thibet, which threatened for the moment to interrupt my AROUND THe WORTD B calm flow of truth, After leaving Pin Hole, with its memories of fire- IN 7H PAYS ETC # crackers, brazed rats — rs, and unreceipted bills, I hide me to Ghamda. If you love me don’t let the-orthography of that verb be changed in the make-up, for it is expressive of what I had to do when [got there. I found a telegram from the honorable Joseph Pulitzer worded to the efféct, that Mrs, Helen Bligh expected me to meet her at the Houghman caraffe to compare notes of travel and agree ‘ona synchronism of deception which would boom the sale of our papers at two and ten Cents respectively. JUDGE, my bashfulness hung around me like a frozen towel in the cold-storage rvom of a Turkish bath and I had to skip the town. I did not do my duty, but, as T. Hompson (poet) used to Zim can be forgiven for anything,” and I fall back on that and repose. You will notice if you ex- amine the sealing-wax at the entrance to the envelope a small indentation, It is the impression left by atear which fell from an eye unused to such demonstration—a tear pumped out by the fact that my hammer- tail coat is in Horseheads and Helen has given up all hopes of meeting me on that account, I am a disappointed man, but not foo disappointed. This town has been pretty thoroughly written up by George Kennan, and I expected to find knouts growing on the trees, exiles dying by the gas-blown-out process, and a general dearth of warmth and color. George must have been uncongenial and distant, for I give you my word ‘these Russians are the most hospitable and care-taking people in the world. For instance, where could you find a neighbor in Westchester or Bergen counties who would light you up to bed with a pink candle and then send you up the candle as a high-tea, toasted to a delicate brown and garnished with sable-steak ? Who among the friends you know on the east side of New York would blow off a bomb instead of calling you to breakfast? Kennan may be all : right in a sombre kind of way, but my “Mfter mixing pretty thoroughly with the inhabitants,” opinion is, after mixing pretty thoroughly. with the inhabitants and a samover-spoon, that these tzar-cursed, serf-freed tramps are more decently inclined than he would have us admi walk up toa man and ask him the time of day in New York and he will go ten blocks out of his way with you in search of a tower-clock before he will pull out his watch. You ask a real Russian the same question and he simply says “God and the tzar only know ; look at the sun,” and you are relieved of the trouble involved in sizing up the question as to whether his time-piece is in hock or only at the jeweler's. It is half-past one, p.m., and I leave for Haiderabad at one thirty-one, but I must say just a word or two more. The pigeon from whose pinion you will pluck this missive answers to the name of Atchison Kolinski Witsouvitskiskiw—(more in my next); his owner called him so because he flies unusually high. Treat him kindly, and when you send him back with that bristol-board, color-box, and umbrella I asked for see that you head him away from the Larchmont club-house. I am not afraid that he would be shot, as the whole Long island shore is pitted with ammunition fired at their pigeon-shoots, but I don’t want to get the boys out on the piazza in their pajahmas to take cold. 1 will wire you from Bombay early next week—collect. Yours invariably, Zim. RUNNING VERSUS STRIKING. A TRAVELER having to call at a hotel on a rainy day left his umbrella in the rack with the following, writ- ten on a card, pinned to it: “This umbrella belongs to an athletic gentleman who has taken lessons of Sullivan. Will return in ten minutes. On coming out he found his “umbril” had disappeared, but near the place where he had left it he found a card with the following interest- ing bit of information: “This card was left by a pedestrian who can get over = mi the ground at the rate of THE PUP, THE PLUG AND THE PET. ten miles.an hour. Will not THe nany —"'T'd like to know what's in that hat."* Tue rurry (a moment later) —“* S-so would 1!" return,” “God and the tzar only know.” comicbooks.com