Judge — 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BEST THINGS FROM JUDGE. THE REASON WHY. SHE HAD NEVER SEEN A TELEPHONE. 3 Mr. Barrett kept a general store at Mount Morris. a” what de yez think of Misther Barrutt?” asked an Irish n of a neighbor the other ¢ “Oi ‘think Mr. Barrutt ez a foine man,” responded the one ad- dressed. “Will, thin, Oi don’t,” continued the first speaker. ‘* Do yez HE did not speak to me, tho'l belave it, Mi innis, Oi went into M ther Barrutt’s sthore Am sure she saw me passing by. yisterday marnin’ wid de intinshun of buyin’ some mackerel. Capricious sex! now who would binnis, yez knows, ez fond of mackerel. “Misther Barrutt stud know wid his face to a hole in the wall, an’ jist ez Oi enthered he said She was my sweetheart long ago, ‘Hello, hello!’ Oi said ‘Hello, hello!’ myself. Misther Barrutt ‘And gave my ardor sigh for sigh? epated his remark, ‘Hello, hello !'and Oi said ‘Hello, hello!’ Her glance slill mocks an April sky, Misther Barrutt thin acted mad loike, an’ widout turnin’ fice chucks 3 aernrel cose outvio: his face to me, said ‘Hello, Lackawanny dapow-!’ an’ whin he Icredit all her graces, though called me Lackawanny dapow Oi wuz that insulted that I lift the She did not speak sthore widout the mackerel !” Has she forgot love's tender tie, NOT ONE OF HER HABITS, That bound us each his sworn ally ? Sunpay-scHoOL TEACHER—‘ ‘Jennie, I hope you don't hang over The vows we pledged for weal or woe, e with any young man, ‘The kisses we exchanged? , nd, am.” My wife was with me; that is why 5 cHOOL TEACHER—I'm very glad to hear you say so.” She did not speak. —‘*No, ma'am; father took down the fence day before BVA WILDEH MC GLASSON, yesterday.” ON THE WRONG DONKEY. Miss Niwtentty — (afixing the tail) —*V'm sure L must be right, because T have been keeping my eye on the donkey all the evening.” A GRIEVOUS SIN, Some of the boys got into the vestry a night or two ago, an »stracting the hymn- book from the cl. aders's left a copy of ‘Schenck’s Poker” in its. place. Mr. Honker led the singing at the cheated the next evening, and Mr. Honker near- sighted and had lost the windows out of his glasse: He ascended the platform, deposited. his hat and umbrella where he could keep an eye on them, and approached the temporary rostrum, “Brevveren,” he began, ‘d’ las’ time we met dat jubilee song sounded laik a fog- whissle gone wrong. We'll try him agin. You'll fin d’ words on d' fo'ty-secun’ page obd’ book. T'llsay jes’ heah dat if Saul Clumpah p'poses t’ sing bass agin he kin go out befo’ d’ anthi beguns. Now den!* and he opened the book close to his eyes and fead slowly and distinctly: ‘ A—royal—flush—ef—'greed— on—befo'—d'—game—counts—high.”” About one in ten of the assembly had a book and the other nine belched out at the top of their lungs: ‘‘A roy fl-u-u-ush ef gre-ee-d on be-fo’ d’ ga-a-ame counts -gh!” to the tune North Hampton, with variations Mr. Honker looked around wildly for a moment and fell out of the window back of the parlor organ, A PARK EPISODE. ea Seat “Here, there, Irish! What in blazes are you doing?” “Oi worsint down t’ N' Yark fer ter prochure a greatsale Sons o' Saint Pathrick lodge, an’ not bein’ able (buy wan We find the fool a pretty smart fellow when we come to make a istchist trade with him. Oi ee Oi'd borry this wan, Kim out o’ that, now {” comicbooks.com