Judge — December 21, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

179 BURDETTE. “* Bob,” said a wise old West-Virginian to his improv- ident but generous brother, ‘you'll always have some money and you'll always be poor. If the whole world was a globe of gold and you owned it all and had hell to smelt it in you'd be poor.” Yes, indeed, Clara, it is the mild power which sub- dues, Gentle means ever accomplish more than harsh measures, One of these days you may be the mother of a family, and you will then learn that you can coax a baby to quietness and slumber with a spoonful of sooth- ing syrup, whereas to ladle him flatwise with a slipper will only make Rome howl for the rest of the night.” A farmer in Jamestown has discovered a gold mine on his farm. He killed a duck and found a lot of gold in its crop, and then remembered that he had seen the duck scratching in a certain gravel-bed. The discovery of gold inside the duck was a remarkable thing, but it doesn’t hold a candle to a duck that scratches in a gravel-bed for bugs and worms. If that Jamestown farmer will just keep an eye on his hens he will see one of them swimming around catching fish and thereby opening up a valuable trout-stream for him, When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castorta. When sho was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When sho had Children, she gave them Castoria, SARAH AND HER CAT. Let all the people gladly shout ‘And make a joyful sound ; A fact has just been given out Of import most profound, ‘The better classes everywhere Will be rejoiced thereat, For Sarah Bernhardt now doth swear She did not roast her cat. ‘The world breathes easier to hear Her world-wide famous name At length is purified and clear Of all the burning shame. And since her skirts no longer bear ‘The smell of roasted fur, he critics might in turn be fair, ‘And stop their roasting her. —Exchange. No Christmas and New Years’ table should be without a bottle of Angostura Bitters, the world-renowned appe- tizer, of exquisite flavor. Beware of counterfeits, The weather is as uncertain as the age of a girl over thirty, Richmond Recorder, Have you used Packer's Tar Soap| for the Complexion or Shampooing ?P Its use is a luxury; imparting clear, soft, smooth, healthful skin and vigorous h: es Dandruff and Skin Diseases; prevents Chapping. 25 cents, All Druggists, t27-For sample mention Judge, and send 4 stamps to | Tur Packer M'r'c Co NY. | 100 Fulton St. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Waren.oms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W. Y. SOHMER «& CO,, Portapacenia, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street; Curcaco, Tu., 236 State Street ; Saw Fraxcrsco, Cat., Union Club Building ; Sr. Louis, Mo., 1522 Olive Street ansas City, Mo., 1223 Main St. Barker BRANoCOLLARS »* Bot™ Siocs LINEN ents EACH “BUY THEM. ABOUT WOMEN, When a woman gets éross she gets cross at everybody, How soon a girl's capital I becomes a little i after marriage ! Smile at some women and they will tell you all the troubles they ever had. ‘That for which a woman should be consoled she is most often ridiculed—her homeliness. When a woman can wash flannels so that they will not shrink she knows enough to get married, A woman is never so badly in love that she does not try to find out the cost of her engagement-ring. One of your delicate women will never admit that she is hungry; she will say that she is feeling a little faint. As soon as a man gets the fire built and the room warm, his wife comes’ along and wants to ‘air the house.” ‘The devil has a particularly hot fire for the mother who wants to send her daughter husband-hunting at sixteen, You occasionally find a woman who thinks she is intellectual because she has a large number of cor- respondents, There is only one thing that pleases a woman more than to be referred to as a dove, and that is to hear a man referred to as the hawk. A woman never becomes so intelligent that she learns that it is no pleasure to others to hear her coax her children to speak a piece. ‘The question with the women : ‘'Is it better to marry aman who is thoughtless and leaves the door open be- hind him, or to marry a man who thinks to close the door but’ forgets to leave out the slam?"—Atchison Globe, Mns, Wixstow’s SootHInc Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, "25 cents a bottle. The man who is most ready to give advice is the one who received a great deal that he failed to use.—Bing- hamton Leader, De Broot, ‘* be reason- he snapped pettishly. '—Merchant Traveler. “But, my dear woman, able.” T won't be reasonable, “Very well, then, be a woman, “CABINET SEKT, GERMAN CHAMPAGNE” Is the purest and best in the world—a select wine of the aristocracy. Depot, 87 Wall street. TAKEN TO THE ZOO. “"Is this the place to come to in order to have a man sent to state prison?” mildly inquired a young man at the central station the other night. “It is,” replied the sergeant. “Very well; I desire to have a man sent for five years.” “* What's the case?” “Twas walking up a street down here when he me if I was a stranger here. Told him I was he asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo. He took me up and down and around and into a saloon, and then said: ** Behold the 200!" ‘But where's the animals?’ says I. *"*I'm the whole three hundred, elephant and all," says he, ‘and if you don't treat the crowd I'll break | loose and tear your shanty down.” “That's what he said, sir, and being as I was scared of my life, I treated the crowd to the tune of eighty | cents, Was it right, sir?” “Of course not.” : “That's what I thought to myself, sir, and if you will please send out and have the bulldozer sent to | state prison I shall be ever and ever so much obliged to you. Good-day to you, and I hope I have not tres- passed on your valuable time."—Free Press, YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—710—1107 Broadway. | _A French laundryman says you can whiten linen with potatoes, Yes, and you can color it with tomatoes. | We've been a lecturer ** ourself."—Burdette, A conveyance of real estate signed on Sunday is not legal, and yet we were always taught to believe that “better the day better the deed."— Yonkers Statesman, | The Kodak. “You press the button, we do the vest.” THE OWLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IK- STRUCTION. PRICE, $26.00. Loaded for 100 Pictures, For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph.. | The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. a the RG @ourt of Gestee downey Durrant —On Jan. Ee PRS Detects Reopen ty ranted 6 Injunction with costs ibaa eaai Sea omselt& Ose PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICLE. A ury, and not a low-priced article. Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are 16 First-prize Medals. ‘The standard of purity and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a-lux- the finest for the pipe. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co, comicbooks.com