Judge, 1889-11-30 · page 5 of 18
Judge — November 30, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine contains several satirical cartoons and humorous pieces mocking Victorian social conventions and human nature. **"The First Letter"** sentimentally depicts a mother reading her young son's poorly spelled letter—charming precisely because of its childish imperfection and concern for pets and worn-out boots. **"Under Which King, Bezonian?"** adapts a Persian anecdote: a neighbor borrows a man's donkey, but the owner denies it's home. When the ass brays, proving otherwise, the owner refuses further dealings, saying he won't trust a man who believes an animal's noise over his word—satirizing absurd pride and stubbornness. **"Prudential Motives," "Her Definition of It,"** and **"An Inducement"** are brief joke vignettes mocking social hypocrisy: a woman's definition of "frankness" as gossiping about friends; a suitor's unromantic offer of a marble tombstone instead of wealth. **"Human Nature"** shows a pompous academic committee chairman warning against levity before visiting Professor Knowmore, then the professor himself joking about making a "ratter" (gambler) from someone—hypocrisy about dignity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE FIRST LETTER. LETTER came for me today so very quaint and strange T knit my brows in doubt from whom, for not within my range Of kindred dear of absent friends could I the least decide Who'd spell my name this awkward way, with pin-lines for a guide. A monogram of finger-tips my cor- respondent had, Yet as I slowly broke the seal my wond'ring heart beat glad, Tho" few the loving words begun—so few I felt quite vexed— Until I found how many cares this writer's mind perplexed. For with the hieroglyphic marks whose shapes to letters Teaned— "Twixt little “i's and capital “A’s,"" and blots that inter- vened— Were words that formed, "if Tray gets out O mama ti him up And send my slay—and please don let ole Carlo hurt my Pup! * T've wode two holes in both my toes send me A nother pair And grandma says now I am six top-boots I'd better wear.” As other boyish news I read, swift to my vision came The chubby cheeks and bright dark eyes bent o'er the closing name. , little man, in years to come some dainty girl may dwell On thoughts your finished hand will pen, a lover's hopes to tell; But never can your fairest page, that brings a blush of joy, Have sweeter welcome than this scrawl from mamma's absent boy. INDA BARTON HAYS, “UNDER WHICH KING, BEZONIAN?” T IS related that a certain shah of Persia was ise I once applied to by a neighbor who wished to PRUDENTIAL MOTIVES. borrow his ass. the BY AMACE rom Dean's Corners)—" Good mornin’. Te Mr. J. Monroy Shewmacker about “But the animal is not at home,” replied its MANAGER —"' Yes, sir: that’s my name,” owner, Mr. Waypack —** Mother wanted met’ call an’ see ‘f I could git this vial filled with hair-oil any Just then the ass, tethered within ear-shot, Cheaper than they sell it to home, brayed loud enough to wake the dead. * Why, that’s him now,” retorted the would-be borrower. HER DEFINITION OF IT. “Go to the evil one, rascal!” shouted the shah in pretended anger. 64 FRANKNESS, my dear, consists in repeating all the disagreeable out of here; I want nothing to do with a man who will place more things one has ever heard about one’s friends.” confidence in an ass’s bray than in my word.” AN INDUCEMENT. 1S cheeks are red, his eyes are bright, ‘&P)ARLING, I cannot promise you wealth, but upon my small estate wip tice asta is a lode of marble, and I can give you a tombstone worthy of He has a ood cook for a wife. a queen.” CHAIKMAN OF COMMITTEE OF THE NATIONAL SCIENCE. ASSOCIATION ‘THE PROFESSOR (indulging in unfortunate recreation) —'* Come on, now, —"'* Fellow-members, in calling upon Professor Knowmore, I want to cau- Bulger; I'll make a rater out of you if it takes all year.” tion you as to the non-dsplay of levity in any form, as he is an extremely dignitied man, and such a breach would shock him intensely. Let us enter comicbooks.com