Judge — November 23, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

~— eee JUDGE mM CARL PRETZELS PHILOSOPHY, Postmasters, marshals and collectors should be elect- ed by the people. A’kiss and a sewing-machine are somewhat alike, ‘They are both good for a feller. Der man in der honey moon don'd vas so shteadfast as der feller in der efery nite time moons, Ven der vorld did said someting good about you, it vas sure, been dot, which you know all about it. It vas luckiness dot makes some fellers great. Dhey don'd could get brains und goot sences dot vay, already. When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, ‘When his bad Children, she gave them Castoria THE SONG OF THE CAN'T-GET-THERE. For the few-and-far-between, For the very-seldom-seen, For the un-catch-hold-uponable I sigh ! the unclutchable I'd clutch, The untouchable I'd touch, For the ungrabbed and ungrabable I die! Oh, I burn and sigh and clasp For the just-beyond-the-grasp, For the far un-overtakable I yearn ; And the vulgar here-and-now I ignore and disavow, And the good-enough-for-others, how I spurn ! Oh, I moan and cry and screech For the just-beyond-the-reach, ‘The too-far-away-to-grab I would ensnare ; ‘The ungainable I'd gain, ‘The unattainable attain, And chase the uncatch-onto to his lair ! —S. W. Foss in the Yankee Blade, The genuine Angostura Bitters cure indigestion and restore the appetite. Every druggist keeps them. Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons, sole manufacturers, FIVE FOWL SAYINGS. ‘The hen is very methodical. She lays out her work every morning.— Yonkers Statesman. When the rooster gets a comb he reaches the top notch of his ambition.—Aerchant Traveler, The hen is a splendid example of perseverance, but she is an example you can't always set.— Zerre Haute Express. The giddy young hen will be glad to learn that it is becoming quite the feminine fad to wear a red comb on the head. — Binghamton Herald, Tt has been so hot in Arizona people had to feed their hens cracked ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.—Binghamton Kepublican, Packer's Tar Soap Used daily for Toilet, Bath or Shampoo is a Hygienic Luxury; invaluable for Skin Diseases, Dandruff, Baldness, and the Complexion: 25 cents. Druggists. {2r-Sample, 4 stamps if Juvce is mentioned, Address, THE PACKER M'F'G CO, 100 Fultonst. N.Y. ig BARKER BranoCottars + Bots Sioes Linen JPY 50 Eack & BUY THEM. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. “DRUMMER” WISDOM. If time were money the tramp would be rolling in wealth, ‘The put-a-penny-in-the-slot_ machine is thoroughly centsible. ‘The great difficulty about advice is the predominance of quantity over quality. The pugilist is a popular personage. any time to make a hit. ‘A man is not always popular simply because he plays cards in a win sum way. he monkey goes to the sunny side of the tree when he wants a warmer climb. It is not surprising to find that air-ship schemes are supported entirely on wind. he dog who won't keep off the street is likely to have discretion pounded into him. The fall poet is making the annual collection of spring verses ashamed of itself. “The boy of to-day wouldn’t kick a hole in his drum to see what was inside. He'd look for a place to put a nickel in the slot.—Aferchant Traveler, He is likely at BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. Case two dozen half-bottles, $32.00, net. TAUTOLOGICAL, I spoke to her of books renowned “That had marked epochs on our earth ; Of poets whom time's laurels crowned, ‘And I bewailed our decade's dearth Of men of letters and its need, To which she lisped, ‘Oh, yes, indeed !" I spoke to her of ancient art ; Described famed marbles, and the one ‘That shows Junonian serpents dart About Troy's priest, Laocodn— The tale in Virgil she could rea ‘To which she lisped, “O, yes, indeed !" I spoke of glorious works that shone Trradiate through centuries dark— The great cathedral of Cologne, ‘And medieval works of mark— ‘Then stopped to ask if she gave heed, ‘To which she lisped, ‘* O, yes, indeed !" The hours wore drearily away ; I searched the store-rooms of my brain, And wondered what on earth to say That her response might change its strain. I spoke of science, love, her creed— She only lisped, ““O, yes, indeed !" Until, in agonized despair, T turned and took her hand and said, “ Miss Vera, you are sweet and fair, Your lips of such bewitching red— Could you forgive the dire misdeed Of kissing them?” ‘0, yes, indeed !” —Felix N, Gerson in Philadelphia Ledger, Mrs. Winstow's SooTitinc Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, "25 cents a bottle. THE BABIES. Little Bessie—* Fred, what do you think? Mr. Stokes had a perplexity fit yesterday." Master Fred — “*Perplexity ft? Oh, dear, what a girl! You mean u parallel stroke." —Harper’s Young People. A little girl on Fourteenth street saw a tally-ho coach come down the hill the other day and heard the music of the horns. “Mamma,” she asked thoughtfully, “can cows blow their horns like that ?"— Washington Post, Young hepeful—'* Papa, you said if I'd read the obituaries of great men in the paper every day for a year you'd give me a gold watch, Well, I did, and the year is up.” | Kond father—" Very well, Bob; but L said you must read intelligently and draw a lesson from the fives of those who ‘have won fame, and fortune, Now what have you most Particularly observed ia your reading?” Young hopeful —"' I noticed that nearly all the great men fitted themselves for one thing and then got rich or famous at something else." —London Society. A small boy in Le Droit park was told by the nurse that if he was bad the devil would come up out of the ground and carry him off. That afternoon he was dis- covered on the brink of a deep hole which he had dug in the back yard, defiantly calling, ‘‘ Debble, debble !" —Washington Post. The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. PRICE, $26.00. Loaded for 100 Pictures, THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W.Y. SOHMER & CO., Punapmyara, Pa, s3i8 Chestnut Street; Cutcaco, Tut, ax6 State Street ; San Francisco, Cat.. Union ‘Club Building: Sr. Lovis, Mo,, 1522 Olive Street’; Kansas City, Mo., 2123 Main St Eu.the Righ Gane at Bustice ects Darrant On en. a pees eee HRSA Sou Ar een any ata PREMIERE QUALITH CIGARETTE. ‘The standard of purity and excellence. 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