Judge — November 23, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIZZIE B. AE WAYS hed a sassy look, ‘Thet thar Lizzie B. Somethin’ ‘bout her sort-uh took Po'rful holt on me. Vit she wasn’t no way fair, Hed a awkward gait, Full o' tricks ez eggs o' meat, Couldn't look yeh straight. Kind-uh bony in the build, Lanky, tall an’ lean, With a face thet more'n like Struck your eye ez "* mean.” Vit my fool-head somehow got Primed with the idee Thet a heap o' sense was hid Deep in Lizzie B, ‘Vhinksuz 1, “A harnsome face Ain't no sign 0” bra Ve a po'rful wit myse’f, Though I'm sort-uh plain.” So I sot myse’f to git Stuff enough to see My way cl'ar to biddin’ fer ‘Thet thar Lizzie B. o 8 @ © “Did she prove to be ez tine Ez I jedged?" you say ; won the two-year stakes THE EASIEST WAY. ONES, having sent a stupid servant to do an errand, was greatly annoyed ‘on finding that he had done exactly the opposite of what he had been ordered. “Why, you haven't common-sense,” he remonstrated, * But, sie" “Shut up! I should have remembered that you were an idiot. When I'm tempted to send a fool on an errand again I'll not ask you—I'll go myself.” AN UNTRUE STORY. bo, that you never went Gentleman —" Some one was telling me. to a political caucus without a seven-shooter. Sambo—* Dat’s whar de gemman am wrong, sah, Gentleman —" Then there is no truth in the story ?" Sambo —"Not a wud, sah, Dis chile doan nebber go to a kaukus widout a nine-shoot: HAPPY FAMILY. mS DIDN’T LIKE THAT KIND. $6 YVHY do you object to playing in the coast-towns ?” was asked of an actor in the cast. “Oh, there are so many light houses,” was the reply. A VALID OBJECTION. Boiler-maker —" There is only one woman who objects to my erect- ing a factory on that plot of land in Harlem.” Friend —" Ig that so? What is her objection?” Boiler-maker —" Well, she says she doesn’t like Wagner's music.” WW, & Engh AT A CHICAGO RECEPTION. Mrs, BULLRING—"* Who is that little fellow who is attracting so much at- tention out there?” Ms. Witkaton —"' That's Nipitski, the wonderful theosophist.” Mns. BuLLRING —"Oh, I do so hope you asked him to bring the instru- ment with him ! POETRY IN LIQUIDS. AMERICAN drinks found in a hotel in Geneva, Switzerland + Prairic oysters, Chinese cocktail, Locomotive, Hot milk-punch, Forget-me- not, Pick-me-ups, Fisherman's prayer, Spanish delight. TWO’S COMPANY +¢GAY, old man, will you come to the theatre with me to-night?" “To-night? Why I thought you were going to take Miss Barlow.” “So | am, but her mother has to go along as well; so if you will come with us I promise you plenty of opportunity to win mamma's good graces.” A HIDDEN INSULT. YoTth he dude’ as plain as day “d better go.” Warptey—" Did you hear that, Minerva? That horrid monkey said Tue MoNKeY (in the sign language) —* Much obliged, Polly. You get half my dinner for that good turn.” comicbooks.com