Judge — November 16, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

_ JUDGE 95 ADAM AND EVE. Adam and Eve's family tree was the apple. —Pités- burg Chronicle. Telegraph. History does not lead us to conjecture that Adam, es- pecially after the fall, was an unqualifiedly happy indi- vidual, but he certainly was spared the afiliction of fit- ting up the spare-room for his mother-in-law.—Bur- lington Free Press. Adam was the first of the human race, and yet we read of Adamant. Who was she? Perhaps an ‘‘e” was dropped from the word ‘‘Adamante,” which would convey the impression that our remote ancestor was a poker-player.—Dansville Breese, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When sho became Miss, she clung to Castoria When sho had Children, she gave them Castoria THEY WERE NOT TWINS. “I came across something the other day that well illus- trates the cosmopolitan characters of the great and only cast side,” writesa New York correspondent. ‘It wasin lower Second avenue. In one end of a double-ender baby-wagon was a red-headed infant with dark brown eyes. In the other end lay a babe with liquid blue eyes and flaxen hair. Not a very good match for twins,’ I said to the fourteen-year-old girl who was propelling them. “They ain't twins," said the girl. ‘The wan wid the red head belongs to Mrs. Carney beyant, and the other is Mrs. Lochmuller’s, the street down. ‘They bought the wagon together and they hire me to take care of the kids.’ * Just then the infants began to kick and how! and the girl addressed her remarks to each in turn, thus: *** Howld yer tongue, ye red-headed spalpeen, or I'll bate the life out of yez; and you, Dutchy, nicht so matchen, or you'll kick the sides of the kinterwagen owet."”"— St, Louis Republic. A half wine-glass of Angostura Bitters before meals will restore the appetite. Manufactured only by Dr. J. G. B, Siegert & Sons, At all druggists. WHY HE WOULDN'T, A good story is told of Governor Tom Bennett, now a citizen of Richmond, Ind., who presided over the destinies of Idaho more than a decade ago. A member of the legislature who had been annoyed by his neigh- bor's hog introduced a bill compelling the owner to keep the proscribed animal within a pen. ‘The bill passed and went up to Governor Bennett for his ap- pr ‘To the surprise of the members and the cha- grin of its sponsor it was returned with his veto. When asked the reason he exclaimed, "I don’t believe in the bill in the first place, and if I did 1 wouldn't sign a bill that spelled hog with a big II and governor with a little g.—Boston Herald, WRG. C, SHAYNE, MANUFACTURER OY Sealskin Garments Leading Fashionable Furs, WHOLESALE and RETAIL. Specialty made of Gentlemen's Fur-Lined Overeoats, Cape, Gloves, and Sleigh Robes. 194 West 424 Street ‘ and 108 Prince Street, NEW YORK. Rowlands QOdonto A Rare. Fragrant, non-Gritty Tooth Powder, Whit- ens the Teeth, Prevents and Arrests Decay, Hardens the Gums and Sweetens the Breath. Ask Druggists for Rowland's Odonto, of 20 Hatton Garden, Lon- don, Eogland. ‘They were walking up Castle hill at a rapid pace, when he remonstrated with her, saying, ‘Don't walk so fast, I'm fairly panting for want of breath, and I can hear you pant too.” ‘A pair of pants," she sug- gested, and, more in sorrow than in anger, he turned and left her to her fate.—Berkshire Neves. BERTON ‘SEC CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. Case two dozen half-bottles, $32.00, net. “GOT THE BILL. For a year or two past the collector for a certain De- troit tailor has been trying all sorts of pacific ways to get the sum of thirteen dollars out of a young man who has been a debtor for over two years. The collector has been put off a hundred times by promises made to be broken, and he has worked every racket known to’ the profession without avail. The other evening he happened down at the Third street depot and saw his young man buy a ticket for Chicago. “So you are going west?” he asked. “Only to Chieagor. Til be back in three or four days, and then I want to pay you that little bill.”” "Ves, Going to Chicago on a visit?” “Something of a visit ; going to get married.” “Fact. .The ceremony takes place at ten o'clock in the morning.” “And you want to be there, of cdurse?” ““T should smile!” The collector took off his hat, removed his coat, and was peeling off his vest when the other asked him what was up. “‘T've been biding my time, and my opportunity has come,” he replied. * How—what?” 'm going to light into you. You are the bigger man and I expect to be licked, but the row will cer- tainly cause both of us to be arrested and taken to the station, and you will thus miss your train. Perhaps I can black your eye, and in that case the marriage can’t come off for a week. Put up your dukes !" “Say, man, you wouldn't be as mean as that?” irteen dollars or a row!" “Tl pay you half.” “The whole or nothing. It’s my first, last and only chance. Come down or put up.” ‘The young man took out his boodle and counted out the amount of the bill, and while he skipped for the | train the other calmly donned his garments and left the depot whistling, ‘I wonder what my ma would say 2" Free Press, Mrs, Wixstow’s SootHina Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhora, 25 cents a bottle. HIS NAME AGAINST HIM. After twenty years of loose living in Bohemian fash- ion Ricardo comes in for a legacy of ten million reals. Now's the time to pay off my creditors,” he ex- claims. “The latter begin to call upon him. One of them, all smiles and obsequiousness, remarks : “You see, I have not troubled you much, and there- fore consider myself entitled to be paid before the rest.”” “ICT rightly remember,” says Ricardo, “* your name is Zoilo Zamora?" Exactly !" Then, my good friend, I am sorry to have to tell you that I am paying my creditors in alphabetical order, So that it will not’ be your turn till last."—Madrid Comico, SIMPLY PERFECT. ‘The Union Pacific Railway, ‘‘ The Overland Route,” has equipped its trains with’ dining-cars of the latest | pattern, and on and after August 18th the patrons of its fast ‘trains between Council Bluffs and Denver, and between Council Bluffs and Portland, Ore., will be pro- vided with delicious meals, the best the market affords, perfectly served, at seventy-five cents each. Pullman's Palace Car Co. will have charge of the service on these cars, SOME FUNNY MISTAKES. Not long ago a well-dressed and ‘intelligent-looking lady entered a store in this city in which was the ad- vance sale of seats for a coming theatrical troupe, and requested to be shown the dialogue of Union hall. She wanted to see the diagram. A little girl surprised a grocery clerk the other day by asking for desecrated co- Coanut instead of desiccated. A somewhat similar bull was that of the man who entered a city drug store not long ago and asked what the price of two ounces of contemplated ammonia would cost. He had reference to concentrated, Another funny mistake was that of the grocery clerk who, when a young man threw down hich had just been given fa change and ex. claimed, ‘tA ten-cent Canada piece,” went and fetched a ten-cent can of peas,—Schenectady Star. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. THE CELEBRATED PIaANos ‘Aro at present the Most Poputar and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W.Y. 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