Judge — November 9, 1889 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE JIM’S APPRENTICESHIP. Yes, Jim went to prison fur stealin’ bread, ‘Tho" he starved ‘ithout eatin’ till purty nigh dead ; But there's allus a time in a gret morril fight Wren the conscience caves in to the appatite. Jim's got mighty strong, an’ he gin in to his'n, ‘An’ they hustled him off {ur a hull year in prison, A fine morril feller who striv to do right, But guilty of hevin’ a big appatite, An’ the state made the prisoners make shoes full of holes, Of badly tanned leather an’ pasteboard soles ; Make oleomargarined butter of fat Thet hed jest been fished out of a soft-soap vat. An’ he saw ‘em make coats all chawed up by the moth— All made out of shoddy an’ ol’-rag cloth ; He staid there a year—though the time wuz brief— He come out an expert an’ purfessional thief. . W, Foss in the Yankee Blade. When Raby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria When she had Children, she gave them Castoria HIS DAY IS DONE. “Ha!” exclaimed the old citizen as he turned Washington avenue and met an acquaintance, ‘but this sort of weather reminds me of the fall of 1815. ‘That fall" “*Say, have you any tobacco about you?" interrupted the other. “Yes; here it is. When I walk out of a day and see what changes fifty years have wrought I am "—— “Thanks. Buying any real estate now? “That calls to mind the prices of real estate fifty years ago. Do you know that when I came to Detroit the only building on this street was "— “Say? Anything new with the grand jury ?” “As [was going on to say, sir, there was only one building between here and Grand river avenue, and that "— * Well, so long. ten, ‘The old citizen looked after him and shook his head. He turned and made his way homeward with grave dloubts in his mind—doubts if any man who won't stop and fool away his time with fifty years ago will ever become a successful business man or a good citizen. — Free Press. Got to be at the’ post-office at sharp Indigestion radically cured by the use of / Bitters. Sole manufacturers, Dr. J. ( Sons. Mrocured of all druggists. “If L were an oyster," sighed the crab, “1 wouldn't know what to do, For they're most always being embroiled, Or getting into a stew Tar Soap Used daily for Toilet, Bath or Shampoo is a Hygienic Luxury; invaluable for Skin Diseases, Dandruff, Baldness, and the Complexion. 25 cents. f2Sample, « stamps if June York Herat. Druggists. Address, THEPACKER MFG C0, 100 Folionst W.¥. is mentioned. ag BARKER Brann CoLtars. Bot Siocs Linen 9) Cents EacH BUY THEM. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway- BURDETTE'S PHILOSOPHY. WHICH END TO BEGIN AT. Metropolitan manager —'*So you want to join the theatre and learn to act something, eh?” George Hay- seed (from Tarrytown) —"" Yes, sir.” Metropolitan man- ager —"* Well, George, before we take you on, you'll have to act as though you could learn something.” A PROFESSIONAL VIEW, ‘The good wife of Mr. Wackstend, the shoemaker, has presented him with twins, He looks at the cherubs critically and asks, ‘*Are they rights and lefts ?” OFFICIAL CARELESSNESS, Indignant contributor —"" 1 sent you three stamps at different times for the return of my poem and never got it.” Honest but abstracted journal Yes—yes—I know, I remember; I got the stamps, but T couldn't think of your middle name, 'Fraid there might be an- other man of the same name in your town, you know." SEEMS TO BE FOND OF TAKING WATER. “Truth lies at the bottom of a well,” we all know, but when she dives into the abyss of Niagara a plain lie won't do; she makes affidavit to it, But we're on to her cataracket, GOOD MATERIAL, Mrs. Rusher (to new school-teacher)—"About this boy of mine, now. I want you to bring him along, bring him along. If he doesn't get away ahead of the class’ it will be your own fault; he's an easy boy to teach ; he'll believe anything you tell him."—Burdette in Brooklyn Eagle, BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net, half-bottles, $32.00, net. Case two dozen THE SPINNING-WHEEL. I would I could a-wooing go, Quick would I fare unto the hall Where Bessie, with her checks aglow, Hums with the wheel against the wall ; And down before the feet I'd knee! Of Bessie at her spinning-wheel. ‘The sunlight gleams the hills athwart, To color roses, wheat, and wine ; So down the valleys of my heart Do bonnie Bessie’s blue eyes shine, They shine on me until I reel Like her own restless spinning-wheel. Fair Bessie with the golden hair, Sweet Bessie with the deep biue eyes, Is twisting for my heart a snare Each time the slender spindle flies, A snare for me which I shall feel, Caught by the fate which turns the wheel. And so T must a-wooing go, And quick betake me to the hall Where ivy creeps and roses blow, And Sol flings kisses o'er the wall, And at the dainty fect must kneel Of Ressie at her spinning-wheel, tanta Constitution, Mrs. Teething all pain bottle. Wixstow’s Sootiine Syrup for Children soothes the child, softens the gums, allays ‘cures wind colic and diarrhwa, "25 cents a JOHN SULLIVAN MY Jo. John Sullivan my jo, John, When first I kenned ye wel, Your airms were like twa iron flails, Your hands like slugs o” steel ; Tut noo ye've gathered’ pelf, John, ‘An’ t' congress ye maun'go, Where they fight less fairly than yourself, John Sullivan my jo. John Sullivan my jo, John, braid an‘ manly breast, Ye hae faced fu’ mony a mon, John, TT try which ane was best ; ‘There were tough knocks fairly dealt, John, But if t Washington ye go, Ye'll find they strike below the belt, John Sullivan my jo. © —Omaha World, When a married man buttons his suspenders on cight-penny nails it is sure evidence that he has been disappointed in love.—Binghamton Republican. A West Virginian trained a tiny stream of water to fall drop by drop on a rock, and in five years it has worn a hole seven inches deep in solid stone. He could have made the same hole in fifteen minutes with a chisel and hammer.—Detroit Free Press. 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