Judge — November 2, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE BIDDY AN’ TIM. he marnin’ is foine an’ early git out av me comftherble bed, An’ I shouldher me pick-ax an’ shovel, ‘An’ put me ould tile on me head Thin it’s aff to the aqueduct workin’, Wid a kiss from me Biddy an’ Tim ; An’ bechune you an’ me an’ the lamp-post T'd not do it at all but fer thim. > {t's hard work an’ mane work an’ dirthy, dhroppin’ aff uv me chin ; There be’s days whin I make no advancement, No matther how well I begig. There be's days whin I'd spind fer the lager Enough so me thirst it cud shwim, If becnune you an’ me an’ the lamp-post, Tt wasn’t fer Biddy an’ Tim! A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE. A MORE than middle-aged bachelor married a young gir When a son and heir was added to the family the nurse was wont to show the new-comer to visitors with the traditional remark: “Looks like his pa, doesn’t he?” One day a grouty old gentleman who couldn't see the resemblance replied with a grunt: “Just so; he’s quite bald and has no teeth.” THEY ANNOUNCED THEMSELVES. Gilroy —"1 saw young Gibbon this morning and he told me he had just returned from London. Thomas —“ Yes; 1 understand his trousers have quite an English accent.” But whin I git home in the avenin’ ‘The broth av a byc is awake, An’ hollem an‘ howls fer his daddy Til the ceilin’s beginnin’ ter shake ; An’ Biddy comes round wid her blarney Till back-aches an’ throubles grows dim— Oh, the world wud be impty an’ lonesome If it wasn’t fer Biddy an’ Tim! QUITE A DIFFERENT MATTER. Caller —* Why don’t you try Christian science for Fido? how much it did for our baby.” Hostess —" Yes; but I can't afford to fool with the life of that dog. Why, he cost forty-five dollar You know FLORENCE R. PRATT A NEW USE FOR LINGUISTS. READ in a country weekly: “Wanted, by a family from the city, a teacher of lan- guages to call twice a week to correct the pronunciation of a Brazilian parrot. SPOKE FROM EXPERIENCE Friend —* Going into the life-insurance business, eh? You'll want a good deal of persistence to make it pa Brownley—* Have you ever done any canvassing ?” Friend — No; but I've been canyasse THEORY AND PRACTICE, ily | Crank —"You really ought to look into the theory of Ai) reincarnatiot Practical man—* Haven't time. When the: they put it into practice come around and I'll investig get so ate it.” THEY MOURNED HIS LO Major Henderson — about Colonel Carter. Captain Dawson —" What's up now?” Major Henderson —"\ understand the colonel has stop- a = { = ped drinking.” THE VAMPIRES OF THOUGHT. Captain Dawson — ST (at t a.m.)—"'T won't do to forget this.” funeral? That's bad news I just heard ‘ou don’t say so! When (Goes to work with a burnt match, AUTHOR OF THIS IS DEAD, Mrs, De Smythe —" John, dear, 1 think I'll have a couple of rooms finished off in the attic and sleep up there. I believe these lower rooms are damp and. likely to give me the rheumatism. What do you think about it?” De Smythe —"1 think of the tw: alternatives I'd choose the former. Mrs, De Smythe—"What alter- natives De Smythe — Attic - rooms or rheumatics.”* 66 6] AUGH and grow fat?” Pshaw ! that’sall fudge !* Easy to prove it, though Go read the Jupcr! CAUSE OF HIS INTE! Bagh ce how intere Judge Tooley is in the play.” Bailey —"Well, if ar imerested in the performance ought to be.” “Why, did he write the one BLIGHTED. Littreyoun—" Will you Miss Hesrer—'* You'll excuse me.” Mr. Litrirjonx—* Pwomenade?” Miss Hesrex —" Hardly. I'm so un used to carrying little ones I'm afraid I might let you drop.” SWEET CHARITY. n of the pose we go down and see that poor Widow Masterson i y graduated from his divorce court. with a broken leg? BextHa—" You can go that way if you like; I prefer to go whole.” comicbooks.com