Judge, 1889-10-26 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 26, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical sketches typical of Judge's humor: **"Making Himself Known"** mocks a man trying to cash a check by name-dropping Benjamin Harrison (U.S. President 1889-1893), claiming a handshake during Harrison's train visit proves his identity. The joke: such a tenuous connection is worthless for identification. **"The Museum of the Future"** satirizes the Cronin trial (likely the 1889 Dr. Patrick Cronin murder case in Chicago). It suggests the only "perfect" person emerging from that trial was a juror—dark humor about the trial's controversy. **"Occultism in Boston"** jokes about Boston's intellectual pretension: two young girls discuss obscure occult texts (Gadbury's Genethlialoga and Ptolemy's Tetrabiblos) as casual afternoon reading—absurdist humor mocking pseudointellectual affectation. The remaining sketches offer gentler domestic humor: a child wanting shortcuts to learning, a woman's surprise at a man in casual dress, a father's unromantic response to his honeymoon bride's death hypothetical. Overall, the page emphasizes Judge's focus on social pretension, legal absurdities, and contemporary personalities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MAKING HIMSELF KNOWN. Casi1eR—'* You'll have to be identified.” Empryo FINANCIER —"* How?" CASHIER say you will have to be identified before I can cash that check. . You know Benjamin Harrison, don't you?" “I've heard of him.” Well, he shook hands wi alnutville last week. Gimme Fina 2 me when his train went through ives an’ tens, please.”” THE MUSEUM OF THE FUTURE. Visitor —* Ah! this is some dreadful special specimen from some idiot asylum, I presume; what are his particular characteristics ? Manager de has none whatever, ma‘am; he’s the only perfect—absolutely flawless—Cronin juryman that survived the trial.” . SHE WAS INFORMED. Foodlebhoy - Why, I told her I'd call this afternoon.” Footman —" Yes, sit; so she told me when she gave me the message.” Not at home! A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. e's kim t’ git marri‘d, Why, Sam! how yo" gwi wine inter d’ laundry biz. Yo" caint wash !” No, sah; but I's gwine t' funnish d’ s‘iled clothes.” * support a wife?” JUDGE 39 WANTED THE ROYAL ROAD. MISS LILLY, aged three, was being initiated into the mysteries of the alphabet In a few moments she refused to repeat the lesson and burst into torrents of tears. “Then you don’t want to learn haw to read and amuse yourself all day with those nice fairy-books ?” asked mamma. ;" replied Lilly, stamping her feet in a rage; “me don’t want to learn; me only wants to know how ! OCCULTISM IN BOSTON. Ethel (six years old) —" I have secured mamma’s permission to come over and spend the afternoon with you Mabel (seven) —" That's nice, You sit over there and read Gadbury’s Ge- nethlialogia while I finish Ptolemy’s Tetrabiblos.” A SHOCK. Miss Ginevra—"' Why, Mr. Chanso! I hardly knew you. The last time I saw you ’ you were in evening-dress.” Mr. CHANSO (zoho is not a full-fledged society man)—'* Bah Jove! T must tell my p-pull th’ shades down close when I have those p-paj s HIS TITLE. Bobby —" Pa, what do they call a man who has two wives?” Pa—A bigamist, Bobby.” Bobby —" Pa, suppose he has more than two wives; what is he then?” Pa—"A blamed fool! more questions.” THE BRIEFLESS LAWYER. Log. ERE'S a saying has two faces; ‘ther one my joy enhances: * Circumstances alter cases— Cases alter circumstances." Now don’t bother me with any SOME NEW DEFINITIONS. Equatity—A fond illusion that one is equal to one’s superiors and superior to one’s equals. Slander—A sieve that allows all that is good to pass away while it retains all that is bad. Solitude—Our last and best friend. A HORRID OLD THING. She (during the honeymoon) —“And what would you do, dearest, if I should be torn from yott by the cruel hand of death?” : He (naturally unromantic, and after a pause, during which he puts in some hard thinking) —“ Why, bury you.” comicbooks.com