Judge — September 28, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 403 CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Don'd shpoke your mind out unless you got a mind to said somet'ings. Nerf wins in dis life, ofer he got it trimmed mit hon- esty and demplerenz. Dots besser you pass shudgemends on der female vimmens vorth by der firtues dot she got shtored in der varehouse of her heart. I vas born me a Looteran, und vas a honest vorking- man all my life; und ofer dot don'd dook me by heafen 1 vill let her rip'vonce anyhow. I belief me in some licking in der fudure, ofer I don'd vas goot. I belief me dot punishment mit der fudure vas all right—for some fellers if not for eferybody. When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria, LITTLE TODDLEKINS. At dinner one Sunday not long ago we had macaroni for aside dish. Tot, our little three-year-old girl, wanted a second installment but could not remember the name of the dish, She had heard her seven-year-old broth- er, George, singing * Yankee-doodle” and, evidently associating’ the words ‘ Yankee-doodle" and ‘maca- toni” together, she says ‘* Papa, I want some more.” “Some more what?” I asked. "*Some more—some— more—Yankee-doodle. This is equal to another of my little ones’ sayings. Joe, a boy of five years, was in the country and my man was digging a post-hole, He wanted a hoe to get the dirt from the bottom, He turned around to Joc and asked, ** Have you got a hoe, bub?" Joe had never been called bub, and turning to the man’ he looked up inquiringly and asked, ‘* What's a hobub?* * Angostura Bitters,” says a long-time sufferer from indigestion, “thoroughly cured me.” Sole manufact- urers, Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons, At all druggists, When maidens greet Upon the street, Exchanging love and kisses too, You must admit, At sight of it, Now ‘Here's a pretty how-dye-do.” Philadelphia Press, “ DANDRUFF is the most frequent cause of prema- ture BALDNESS.” | “ITCHING is peace-de- stroying and exhausting to the vital powers, and breeds pro- fani SCRATCHING slike paying a debt with a note. SHAMPOOING with PACKER’S TAR SOAP isa bygienic luxury, promoting a clear, smooth skin, healthful | Invaluable for irritations of the skin scalp, and vigorous hair. incident to summer. 25 cents, Druggists. Sample (¥ cake), so cents, stamps. Mention Jupce. THE PACKER MFG. CO., 100 Fulton St., N. ¥. C. 6. SHAYNE, MANUFACTURER OF Sealskin Garments Leading Fashionable Furs, | WHOLESALE AND RETAIL | 124 West 42d Street and 103 Prince Street, NEW YORK. Fashion Book mailed Free. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. GIVE THE LIARS A CHANCE. A weeping peach-tree is one of the curiosities of Den- ison, Texas, and it is stated that ‘'a number of super- stitious persons believe that spirits operate upon it.” ‘The London post-office not long ago received a letter addressed to ** Monsieur Pall Ale, Brasserie, Londres.” Tt was from Algiers. ‘* Try Bass,” said the head postal- clerk ; and sure enough it was a letter to Bass & Co. ordering beer. Greensburg, Pennsylvania, says the Argus, has se eral residents who, although residing there all their lives, have never ridden in a railway-car, never smoked, chewed, nor drank, never have been inside a church, never exercised the right of suffrage, never read a news- paper, nor, to their credit be it'said, have they ever been guilty of the crime of base-ball playing or of wit- nessing the demoralizing game. And yet they are a law-abiding class, and possess the love and affectionate regard of ail who know them, A lad named John Devan, while picking ‘*huckle- berries” near Uniontown, Pennsylvania, a few days ago, was treed by a rattlesnake, which coiled itself at the foot of the tree and contentedly awaited the boy's descent. His outcries attracted some persons to the spot and the reptile was killed An alligator and an English sparrow engaged in a battle near Darien, Georgia, the other day.” The alli- gator provoked the fight by snapping at the bird, which in turn flew furiously at its ugly antagonist, aiming with precision at the saurian’s eyes. ‘The alligator finally gave up the contest and took to the river.—AMemphis Avalanche, Mrs. Wixstow'’s Sootittna Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all cures wind colic and diarrhoea, "2 cents a BASE-BALL. “* He is out,” said the man at the game of ball, And he said it with half a sneer, The player's chance was beyond recall— ‘And success had seemed so near. He might have ‘* come home" ‘midst the cheering shout That quenches ambition’s thirst. But now he is merely talked about As the man who ** went out at first.” ‘There's many a youth who in life’s great game Starts in with a winning gait ‘Toward the goal where riches and tempting fame For the chosen of fortune wait. He fails, and is greeted with sniffs and sneers Or with pity—by far the worst— “Till a welcome grave hides the hopes and fears Of the man who went out at first. Merchant Traveler, BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. Case two dozen half-bottles, $32.00, net, irls, says the Burlington Free Press, be very shy about marrying a man who can suppress a full-grown sneeze in prayer-meeting. It indicates a bull-headed amount of will-power which will interfere with your happiness some d: Lecturer —"AMl statistics prove that the blonde w men are more difficult to get along with than the bi nettes.” Astonished man in the audience (starting up) —"‘Are you certain of that?” Lecturer—"It is a fact.” Astonished man—" Then I believe my wife's black hair is dyed."— Wasp, SIMPLY PERFECT. The Union Pacific Railway, “‘The Overland Route,” has equipped its trains with dining-cars of the latest pattern, and on and after August 18th, the patrons of its fast trains between Coun- cil Bluffs and Denver, and between Council Bluffs and Portland, Ore., will be provided with delicious meals, the best the market affords, perfectly served, at 75 cents each. Pullman's Palace Car Co. will | have charge of the service on these cars. ** How Long Girls Should be Courted,” is the title of an article in a Texas paper. Very much the same as short girls, we should say.— Zexas Siftings. Bridget —* Shall 1 Vave the hall-lamp_ burnin’, mum?” Mi: ‘0; I am pretty sure Mr, Jones won't be home until daylight. He kissed me three times before he left and gave me twenty dollars for a new spring bonnet.""—Zerre Haute Express, The Kodak. “You press the button, we do the vest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. PRICE, $26.00, Loaded for 100 Pictures, For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers, Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph. The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N.Y. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Are at present the Most Popotar and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St, W.Y. SOHUMER & CO, Pinapetenta, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Ciicaco, Tu, axt Suate Street ; Sax Francisco, Cat., Union ‘Club Building: Sr. Lovis, Mo,, 152 Olive Street; Kawsas City, Mo., 1123 Main St sPerpeteal Lnyanction with cons rant trom inf cuare Mark CHERRY BLOSSOM PREMIERE. QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICL tobaccos prevents th: A ury, and not a low-priced article, ‘The standard of purity and excellence. dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. ‘The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow Ivis simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe, 15 First-prize Medals. Wa. S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com