Judge — September 21, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PROHIBITION ITEM. *So this is a prohibition town 2” said a drummer to the landlord of a small local-option town in ‘Texas. “Yes; we don't allow any liquor to be sold if we can possibly prevent ; but, sir, ther men in this town so utterly devoid of honor and principle that for twenty cents they will peddle out this liquid damnation, What do you think of such an unprincipled scoundrel?" “"Testrikes me it is a mere matter of business, Where can I find that unprincipled scoundrel ?” “Tam the man. Followme When the drummer returned his mustache was moist, and he was out a quarter.— Texas Siftings. When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, sho clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria THE LUDICROUS SIDE. To escape being fleeced in V’aris now one's wits must not be wool-gathering.—/otel Mail. ‘These times suit the scissors-grinder. find things dull.—Sen Francisco Alt ‘The stamp-window of any post-office isa sort of Lick observatory.—Rochester Post-Express. ‘The hardest time for a man to show his grit is when he is forced to bite the dust.—Baltine: “This is my buzzy day,” said the blue-bottle fly as he lighted on the cherry nose of the toper.— Columbus Dis- patch, ‘The grasshoppers are having great times ¢ Hops are given at all the summer-resorts,—Chica Tribune, When a man wants to find fault he will do so, even if he has to be up all night looking for it.—Aichmond Recorder. A matrimonial tennis-club has been organized at Me- Cork. ‘The members are probably anxious to renew their courting days.—A’earncy (Neb.) Enterprise. he empress of Austria sits alternately on either side of her horse,” says an article on ‘ Horsemanship for Women." Everybody will be glad to hear that she sits that way alternately and not simultancously.— Zerre Haute Express, He likes to Angostura Bitters restores the appetite and cures in- digestion when all else fails, Manufactured by Dr. J. i. I. Siegert & Sons, At all druggists, A Chicago bearded woman made a snug fortune out of the show-business in about twelve years, and now lives in comfortable luxury with his handsome wife and five beautiful children.—Binghamton Republican, “A Prince in Petticoats; or, A King’s Folly,” by Olive Langford—from the press of the Marion publish- ing company, 105 John street, New York—is a his. torical novel’ founded on one of the most curious of the eccentricities of royal rulers. The hero of the book assumes the guise of a lady and has various adventures in the court circles of St. Petersburg. The book has many suggestive situations, but the reader who looks for anything more than impropriety will be disappointed. Itis a first-rate novel, filled with incident and adventure, and the manner of the writer is that of the better of the Sealskin Garments AND ALL Leading Fashionable Furs, WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. West 42d Street and 103 Prince Street, NEW YORK. ok mailed Fashion Be Free. SIMPLY PERFECT. ‘The Union Pacific Railway, “The Overland Route,” has equipped {ts trains with dining-cars of the latest pattern, and on and after August 18th, the patrons of {ts fast trains between Coun- cil Bluffs and Denver, and between Council Bluffs and Portland, Ore., will be provided with delicious meals, the best the market affords, perfectly served, at 75 cents each. Pullman's Palace Car Co. will have charge of the service on these cars. JUDGE THE “ARIZONA KICKER.” A Number of Well-known Gitizens are Again Treated point us to the postmastership of this town. has at length fallen, Honesty, integ gence, and enthusiasm have gone for ‘A wall- hump-backed ignoramus, who can't spell gum, scarcely add two and two, is retained in prefer- ence. Do we turn the other cheek? Not much! The first thing we did after receiving the news last night was to burn up a vest whi purchased at Wana- maker's ten years ago, We shall never, never buy an- other dud from his establishment. We ask our friends to make the same resolve. The Nero must be brought to terms. Iis haughty form must be rubbed in the dust. He must be given to understand that the bul- warks of American liberty still tower aloft, and that no free-born American can be trampled on with impunity. Sie semper tyrannis! Which means that we have camped on his trail, PAINFUL AccIDENT.—Together with about twenty other gentlemen, we were sitting in front of the Crook house last Tuesday evening, when the Tucson stage suddenly drove up, having unexpectedly arrived fifteen minutes ahead of One of the outside passengers had the appearance of a detective, and there was a sud- den scatteration of loungers. It was laughable to see Colonel Jones, Major Wickham, Judge Perdue, Profes- sor Wise, ble over each other as the broke for the sage-brush, An unfortunate accident curred in this connection. ‘The Hon. ‘Timothy Shook late of Indiana, probably believing that he had been sent for for barn-burning or horse-stealing, fell over a bench in his hurry to abscond and broke his leg, and it will probably be two months before he will be able to be about again. SOLE AGENT.—We have been appointed sole agent in this town for the Kentucky hemp company, limited, and will be the only one handling their famous No. 6 rope. ‘This rope, as most of our readers are aware, is made for and exclusively used as neckties for bad men. It will stand the greatest strain, run easier, fit tighter, and give more general satisfaction than any other hanging-rope in the market. No matter what sort of a neck a man has, this rope settles to the right spot at once, We sell it in twenty-foot lengths at 82 per length, and where more is wanted the price will be made satisfactory. Give us a call before purchasing elsewhere. THERE 1S ONE.—In answer to * Correspondent” week, who asked if there was a railroad-line runt through this town, we replied that if such a we had never heard of it in the two years of our stay. We now desire to inform him that there is a linea branch of the U. P. road—and that it runs two trains per day and gives excellent service. The manager of the line, Mr. Ben Davis, called at our office yesterday and handed us an annual pass over the tine, and we take pleasure in saying that the cars are of the best make, the fare reasonable, and that the line has done much to build up our town.—Free Press. Mrs. Winstow’s Sooritxe SvRur for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea. "25 cents a bottle. THE “JUDGE” CLOCK, Wat, L. Ginnert Clock Co.) WinstED, Cons., Sept. 6, 1889. J The Judge Publishing Co.—Inclosed V hand you a two-dollar greenback ($2) for renewal of sub. I cannot break off so suddenly. We think so much of the Juncr. here we have named. a new pattern of clock we have just got out “Jupce.” If it proves as much of a suc cess as its namesake we will be perfectly satisfied. Yours, etc., J. P. Roxanack, BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one doren bottles, $30.00, net, half-bottles, $32.00, net. Case two dozen James B. Borland, the editor of the Franklin Evening Nerws, is alleged to have captured a four-pound bass, at Conneaut lake, a few days ago, says the Titusville Werld. It was immediately inoculated with elixir, tak- en from a healthy chipmunk, and now sports about the editorial desk and is quite a pet. By flopping its fins it is enabled to fly a short distance. Fr some have mistaken it for a huge swallow, a bird pecul- iar to Franklin, IT’S BEEN THROWN TO THE DOGS. Speaking of the wonderful discover member, a few years ago, some French physicians dis- covered that certain applications of a gas that smi like an egg of other days would cure all diseases of a bronchial nature, take an old half-price remnant of the most unfashionable lung, and in six weeks build it up into a bellows that would last a pi Lent and Easter? Yes, indecd. it; knew a man who was born without just had a place where the lungs ought to be. ‘Tried’ this gas- cous enemata and in less than a month broke out with lungs like a boy by the way, this new ail, quarter crack, sprain, bots, and spavin, isn’t it the— eh? Oh, about the gaseous enemata? Why, no. Haven't heard of it for a couple of days; believe the government prohibited its use because it would make people live forever.—Brookiyn E: do you ree YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Are at peesent the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St. N.Y. SOHMEK & CO. Lovtsy Mo., is22 Olive Street; Kansas City, Mo., 1123 Main St BRERRY BLOSSOM penrué Toitél powoéR &SOAP NONE NICBR PREMIERE. uae an aT p SUPERB ARTICLE. toba ury, and not a low-priced arti Our Vanity Fair 15 First-prize Medals. 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