Judge — September 14, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HAND OF FATE. E walked beside her on the sands, 7 His face seemed full of deep emotion, The while she said the usual things ‘That people say about the ocean. But nearer to his heart some theme She had not touched on seemed to nestle, For when she pointed toa star He thought she meant a far-off vessel. Long had she felt his Jove her own. Now time and scene combined to offer An opportunity most meet, If he his heart inclined to proffer. Poor man! this was his dearest Alas, that fate’s power thus itt He had a cold, and could not find A handkerchief in any pocket SOME NEW DEFINITIONS. Dowry—A sauce that enables ‘one to worry the fish down ‘An expression used by after they've run over somebody. Guillotine—A out into eternity. Illusions—The spectacles of hope. Tears window looking ‘The blood of the heart. “y y Husky Wititaa — Jest my luck, Mobs. I picked this up on der pave dis mornin’ cal n’on its bein’ a ten- dollar plunker, an’ it ain’ brass. D WALTERS —'* What us, man? It's one ‘r dem b checks, Let's put it in an’ yer THEY GO TOGETHER. S6QARAH is certainly a little duck of a darling; but what she sees in that fool of a doctor I can’t understand.” “You don't seem to recollect that where there is a duck there will also be found a qua the last time I'll ever be fool enough to give any of my daugh- ters a wedding-check.” Mother—"Why, Charles? there's nothing wrong, I hope.” Enraged father —"Yes, but there is, That fool of a son-in-law has gone and had it cashed.” A CRUSTY RELATIVE. Mamma —"*Can't you get Uncle John to go wading with you, Dick. like to trust you alone. Dick—"'T just asked him, and he said he was wading. T don't ready ; and then he wwled out something about ‘through the market reports,” BASEaAG Reem Husky Witttas hurry too quic! tin’ dat lugy: You can’t young feller, in git- ‘of mine t' der front.” ety itis\ HIS Ri BLASTED EXPECTATIONS. Mormp Warters—" Hurry up! dey'sa copper comin’ out of Skelly’s !" UGH DIAMOND. Tur. neipe—" Oh, mamma, how can I—how can I leave you?” Mrs, Prininpex— Reginal’ d’ Coarsey Biddell, you wanter remember that if Selindy asks fer four pieces of punkin it an’s got to hev it. -pie at dinner, she's been used to Take her off now afore I blubber.” 365 A MODERN EPITAPH. BURY his Fauntleroy cola, His Fauntleroy suit and sash While our tears flow swift and steady For out beautiful dream so ash: We thought the sweet lord so lovely. ‘And that Tommy would look and s1y' * Dearest” just like the darling ; But he wasn’t built that way. EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD. ONES is of a benevolent turn of mind, and is always willing to give his advice freel not asked. Now, my good man,” he re- marked to a countryman he met on his vacation, " you should, by all ‘put your money in a savings. even when ut how could I get it out ™ Oh, easy cnough—the very next day in fact, that is providing you gave them a fortnight’s notice.” fur, Cures Smitten wintere, Mormp WALTERS (as the plunder is opened) —"A man dat would fool two reel gents like dat ought t' have dat shad ‘shoved down his Croat an’ twisted.” TOO LONG TO BE LIT- ERARY. ‘¢GEE HERE, do you want to ruin me entirely?" he shout- ed as he flung a pair of trousers on the tailor's table. “Those pants are two inches too long.” “Nonsense. They are the best fitting trousers I have ever cu “That may all be true,” he said, “but I couldn’t maintain my’ liter~ ary reputation an hour if 1 were seen with them on.” RUBBING IT IN. Visitor — the Prison Gi Convict — Visttor—"Then you have a pleasanter life here?” Convict "Do 1? Look at that pile of contributed poetry. ‘ou are the editor of te, 1 understand.” your comrades