Judge — September 14, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 371 PRESERVING HIS REPUTATION. “I suppose you have heard of the elopement 2° “No. Who are the parties 7° «George Emley and Susie Patton.” “Why, they had been engaged for several months, and had already gained the consent of their parents.”” “That's all right, but they have eloped just the same ; and what is more the father of the girl put up the job, and gave the girl $100 on the eve of her departure.” **T don't understand it.” “Plain enough, ‘The marriage was to take place in a month, and it was to be a swell affair ; but the father of the girl met with some reverses, and found it impos- sible to pay the expense of a grand wedding. So he got them to elope, thereby saving the expense of a wed- ding and getting sufficient gratuitous advertising to help him out in his business.""— National Weekly. When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria. When sho was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When sho became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave thom Castoris, “Laurel,” our American friend, is great on the sub- ject of widows. ‘I know,” she says, "that society ex- pects widows to sit on their husbands’ coffins and make everybody uncomfortable, and society is just the first to turn and rend them for doing it. Just you wait until I'm a widow. I'll be a real smart one. This is the sort of a cap I'll wear.” And she sketches her own pretty head, with a cap about, two inches square on the top and a pair of ‘*weepers” streaming in the air be- hind, There! sha'n’t I look nice? Oh, girls, I wish Thad been born a widow, that I do!"—Zondon ‘Truth. Vigor, vitality, and a healthy appetite imparted by a little Angostura Bitters every morning. Sole manufact- urers, Dr. J. G. B, Siegert & Sons, At all druggists. Little Ethel, less than three years old, saw a man walking along the street with his arm in a sling. ‘Oh, mamma,” she éried, ** there gocs a man with his arm in a hammock !"—Boston Times, The little boy was on his knees in his little night-dress saying his prayers, and his little sister couldn't resist the temptation to tickle the soles of his little feet. He stood it as long as he could and then he said, ‘* Please, God, excuse me while I knock the stuffing out of Nellie,"— San Francisco Chronicle. “ DANDRUFF is the most frequent cause of prema- ture BALDNESS.” “ITCHING is peace-de- stroying and exhausting to the vital powers, and breeds pro- fanity.” SCRATCHINGislike paying a debt with a note. SHAMPOOING with PACKER’ S TAR SOAP isa bygienic luxury, promoting a clear, smooth skin, healthful Invaluable for irritations of the skin s. Sample (3 cake), saalp, and vigorous hair. incident to summer. 25 cents, Drugi so.cents, stamps. et ° Mention Jence. THY. PACKER MFG. CO., 100 Fulton 8t., N. ¥. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. 1 OCU PEARS Soap? PINT YO" MULE! G'long dar, chile! Whar's old Noah? on’ yo’ heah de waters poah? ime'to think of t'other shoah, An‘ a spot de boat can lan’, Min’ yo! mouf, an’ stop dat grinnin’ Dis de houah to ‘dulge in sinnin’? Did'n dat flood hab a beginnin'? Ober dar in Abram’s lan’, You young nigga, w'y yo" winkin'? Bet de ark will set yo’ thinkin’ ! Wen it pass yo’ won't be blinkin’ Pint yo’ mule for Abram’s lan’! —Hartford Post, Mrs, Wixstow's SooTHINe Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhora, 25 cents a bottle. CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. [Dis vorldt vasa viklernesses to a feller dot don’d got a frend. Moral firtue gets ub an abetite by eadin’ religious in- shtruction, Blaindy too much oxcess of bleasure vas der bed- bug poison of dis life. Der roat dot shteers us to der willage of integridy vas got no prickweeds in dot, ‘A pooty good conscience vas more worth as ten tol- lars of your inside pocket out. Vien you got'no forttoot of mind, dhen you got no manhoot, Dot’s besser you insult ‘yourself about it right ay Vhen der odder feller vas hafe goot-lookin’ frow dots besser you don'd vas let your eyes go vhere your feet- shteps couldn't vhent, BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net, Case two dozen, half-bottles, $32.00, net. FUN AND PHILOSOPHY. To be sober is to be happy. trials as the conlirmed sot. ‘Some poems are so foolish one instinctively wonders that they don’t have web feet. We don’t know of anything in which a man is less likely to make a hit than in kicking at a hen. A writer says that whipping a boy may make him stupid, smart. Because a bald-headed man doesn’t happen to keep a lock on his head doesn’t signify that there is nothing of value in it, ish lion growls a little at the action of the Rush in Behring strait. It is the first time in the his- tory of the world that a nation has Rushed the growler. Consistency is indeed rare. A man will unblushingly comb his back hair over a bald spot on the top of his head, and yet expect a grocer to put his smallest apples in the top layer of the box. Beg pardon for interrupting, but before the beer-trust order of business is closed we desire to ask if the fact that beer knows nothing about hops won't be likely to prevent its taking the desired jump? ‘A New York man offers a prize of two hundred dol- lars for the best essay on the life of the mosquito. A slap with the palm of the hand is the best essay on its life that we know, but even that is rarely successful. So live that when the innumerable caravan of thy pos- terity look back to the time when thou tookest to thy chamber in the silent halls of death, they go not about like the sad-eyed mule with ears a.droop for very shame of ancestry A writer says the language of the street is pictur- esque. It is indeed, Of the picturesque landscape kind, A_gamin was recently heard to say to a companion: “Tell yer wot, cull, if a feller’s got de sand an’ de rocks he can’ make de dust, an’ if he ain't his name is mud."— Binghamton Republican, Nobody has so many There are no politicians in heaven. If there had been the streets would never have been paved with gold. They would have run in brass blocks on the contract and fixed it with the surveyor at gold prices.—ete Or- deans Picayune, It may be, but it is more likely to make him | Secretary |Blaine would do well to instruct Minister Reid of Paris to greater watchfulness over United States citizens, “The report that Buffalo Bill has had twenty- seven offers of marriage and that Bill Nye is negotiating for a title with a woman incumbrance is too much in the free-trade line to suit Americans. If things prove really serious both Bills should be returned to us, even if they have to have C. O. D. attachments. —Chicago In- ter-Ocean, The Kodak. “You press the button, we do the rest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE WITHOUT IN- STRUCTION. PRICE, $26.00, Loaded for 100 Pictures, For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers, Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph, The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. 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