Judge — September 7, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE OLD TIN DINNER-HORN. ‘the St. Louis Dizpatch wants a law in that state to prevent any one from blowing a dinner-horn except imate purposes and at th HEN the blossom’s oft the tater an’ t An’ the ripenin’ tomaytesses 's bl When the pole-bean’s young an’ tender an’ the ingen an’ the beet, An’ the cowcumber an’ cabbage’s "bout big enough to eat ; Vhen the yaller-leg spring-chicken’s {ried in butter to a turn,” 17m pone’s hot an’ buttermilk’s jest emptied from the churn, tassel’s on the corn, jaer-hour. They don’t take to music in Missouri.—Derreit Free Press When the scorchin’ sun o' summer pours down on a feller’s back, An’ him a workin’ fit to kill a pilin’ up the stack ; With the dusty sweat a pourin’ down his face into his eyes, An’ the thresher keeps a buzzin’ like a pantry full of fies; ‘When he feels about as holler as the everlastin’ sky, Then he gits a sense o' goneness nothin’ else can satisfy then T love the music of the tootin’ Like the appetizin’ music of the tootin’ dinner-horn, When the blossom’s on the tater an’ the tassel’s on the corn, an’ honey, ham an’ ezgs, an’ biscuits hot an‘ light, Buckwheat cakes an’ tree merlasses’s a mighty luscious sight An’ Foast spar’ rib an’ sweet potaters baked with sassidge-meat, But buttermilk an’ gar ty hard to beat, An’ when a feller's empty from his buzzum to his boots ‘The’s a sight o' hallylooyer in the satisfyin’ toots Of the wimmen-folks a blowin’ on the ol tin dinner-born, ‘When ihe blossom’s on the tater an’ the tassel's on the corn, A MODEST REQUES’ T has a kitchen full of her compa Mistress ({rom the head of the * Bridget !" Bridget —"Nis, ma'am.” Mistress —" Ws ten o'cloc Bridget —* Tank ye, ma’am; koind ez to till me whin it's twelve. n’ will ye be so STAT(E)ISTICAL, Conductor (as the train touches the Illinois border) —" Chicago! Change cars for the rest of the planet. Those wishing to go direct to hades keep their seats.” BAD FOR HIS BUSINESS. First stranger (at the theatre) ~ between those acts, wasn't it ond stranger “Yes; too short.” “Don't you like short waits?” keep the saloon un- ‘rst stranger Second stranger der the theatre.” HIS QUALIFICATIONS. Moneybags —"And so you want to preach for us, do you?" - ae Minister — Ves; i 1 thought 1 could fill the DECEPTIVE. place.” Brocax—"' What'll yez hov?" Moneybags—" What qualifications have you key.” for the position Minister —"'Vhe very best, sir. short-stop on the Kanl “Gimme a drop o' whuskey.” N—"'I doan’ tink they’s enough in th’ bottle t' do yez all.” CLEARY (magnanimously) His mout's th’ shmallest.” REARDON—"'It's a weil inside, Broga 1 played ces last season.” ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. ND will you not be mine?” he asked tenderly, as he took her hand, “No, Percy,” she replied, I can never marry a horse-doctor; but the moment you become a veterinary surgeon I am yours.” SOMETHING IN A NAME. Friend —"Why do you call your institution when you have so many sick patients?” Quack doctor —“Because 1 should never get a patient if 1 called it "The “The Healthery WHAT SHE WANTED. Undertaker —"And what will you have on the headstone, Mrs. Blifkins? 1 suppose soniething regarding the true qualities of Mr. Blifkins as a husband and father Widow —" Ves; but nothing compromising. to the altar again shortly.” I expect to be led WOMAN'S RUL WAS lecturing on “Woman's Rule” and he asked the ques- tion, “ How many men are there present to-night who are run by their wives?” About three-quarters of the men stood up. “And now,” he said, “how many are present who are run by their wives and who are afraid to acknowledge i All the rest of the men were on their feet in an instant. THE SPREAD OF THE COMPETITION. Traveier (from Chicage)—"*Come back here, you rascal ! Loca. ratkiot—" Not much. don't ta wes on this *xhibit Sheecargo, after we once git it here. comicbooks.com