Judge — August 31, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PARADISE ON A HOT DAY. By all odds the best route to Long Branch is the all- water route of the Iron steamboat company. No dust, no change, and the most delightful sail in the world, Why do I love at early morn to wake, When roses still are wet with dews ? Tecause I then can turn and take ‘Another snooze! —New York Graphic. “How much time do you give me?" Tailor— None, sir. Ton ive any credit.” Customer — How's that?” Until recently I was editor Clothier and Furnisher, When Baby was sick, wo gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria When you tell an old man a jokelet, And laugh yourself, ‘* Ho! ho !"" While he merely snickers a little, It fills your soul with woe As the octogenarian mutters, ‘That's very good, you know, But it isn’t the way T heard it Just fifty years ago.” —New York Morning Journal, ‘The four H’s—health, happy homes, and hospitality <fostered by Angostura Bitters. Sole manufacturers Dr, J. G, B. Siegert & Sons, At all druggists. Brown —'* Business must be slack when you spend your time catching flies.” Druggist—'* Come and help me catch some, I want them to put on a sheet of fly- paper I'm advertising in the window." —£x, Judge—"" You are charged with breaking up a mect- ing and striking this woman, What have you to say?” It was this way, judge. It was a spiritual- istic meeting, and this woman was the medium. When she exclaimed, *I am happy!’ I could not resist the temptation to strike a happy medium just once in my life."— Texas Siftings, “DANDRUFF is the most frequent cause of prema- ture BALDNESS.” “ITCHING ispeace-de- stroying and exhausting to the vital powers, and breeds pro- fanity.” SCRATCHING islike paying a debt with a note, SHAMPOOING with PACKER’S TAR SOAP isa hygienic luxury, promoting a clear, smooth stin, healthful scalp, and vigorous hair, Invaluable for iritations of the skin incident to summer, 25 conta, Druggists. Sample (3 cake), * a Mention Jupce. THE PACKER MFG. CO., 100 Fulton St, N.Y. THE CORRECT THIN For Smokers who wish to be in good form and study Bealth, pleasure, and economy is to BUY THEIR CICARS DIRECT from the manufacturer. To all fashionable smokers we would heartily recommend the “La flor de Espana Defina,”’ (the latest and best blend of tobaccos). INFANT. PERFECTO'S STYLE, $3 per box of 100, prepaid by express anywhere, Remit by Pe fe aa ear EET ypafla Defina.’ ‘You will be delighted CLIPS AND SNIPS. When the schoolmaster whips one of the girls he hits amiss. When the girl dodges she misses a hit. —/4i delphia Press. He—** What would you do if I were to offer to give you akiss?” She—'* See if my little brother is under the sofa."— Boston Herald, Bjones—" That young felJow seems rather pessi- mistic.” Aferritt—" Yes; he's an amateur photog- rapher, and always takes a poor view of life.”"— Harper's Bazar. Farmer's wife—"* Why do you get up and leave that piece of steak?” Tramp—I didn't ask for work, ; I asked for something to eat."—Burlington Free Press, When a man declares that he is wedded to his pro- fession, a pair of bright eyes rightly managed can easily make him commit bigamy.— Binghamton Republican, Great scientist —""I fear electricity will be a very un- certain means of execution.” Layman—"I fear so. ‘The only sure way to kill a man is to set him to w stringing scegraph poles at a dollar and a half a day. New York Weel Collector —"* Do you wish to subscribe to the flood sufferers’ fund, Mr. Greatman?” Mr. Greatman (an eminent statesman)—"'H'm! I don't think there is anything in that for me; most of the voters got drowned ; but I'll subscribe to the fund for the strik- ing minezs in Indiana.” Mns, WinsLow's SooTiiNc Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays ail pain, cares wind colle and diarhosa, "25 cents a Genius is a dazzling thing, but it won't plod. Talent is forced to plod or get left, and so with the instinct of self-preservation—it generally plods. Genius starts out a petted darling, and ends by dodging the bailiffs, and dying in the poor-house, while talent raises a monument in its honor, and the bill out of its well-filled pockets, —/oel Chandler Harris, ‘The New York Amusement Gazette has reached the first number of its fifth year. It is an unpretentious weekly, but for one dollar it gives as good a record in brief of theatrical and musical events as any publication we know of. It is edited with good taste and good judgment, and deserves the liberal patronage it seems to have received. ma says you are going to take youth (soon to be married) —"* Ves ; 's she’s going to my home, and my ma and pa will be her ma and pa. See?” Z. ‘Then she'll be your sister, same as she was mine, Say ; don't you do anything she doesn't like, for if you do she'll bang you around awful when your ma and pa ain't looking."—New York Weekly, The Kodak. “Vou press the button, we do the rest.” THE ONLY CAMERA THAT ANYBODY CAN USE wirHouT IN- SPRUCTION. PRICE, $25.00. Loaded for 100 Pictures, For sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers, Send for copy of Kodak Primer, with sample photograph, The Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co., ROCHESTER, N. Y. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS Are at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., N.Y. SOHMEL & CO., Cricaco, Teta, ax¢ Club Batiding $+ TY, Mo., 1123 Main St. Some of Dr. Brown-Sequard’s “‘elixir of life” was re- cently injected into the bodies of ‘three weak, worn, emaciated, and melancholy paupers, aged respectively 54, 56, and 68 years,” and ‘immediately they became strong, fresh, and cheerful, took new views of life, an altogether felt as if they had received a new lease of ex- istence.” It is understood that the greenback party in this country has ordered several barrels of the stuff, but for what purpose is not known,—Norristown Herald. BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. half-bottles, $32.00, net, Case two dozen Hadji Hassein Ghooly Khan Gut his stick and away he ran When he thought the folks of Washington Mixed insults with their daily fun. Hadji Hassein Ghooly Khan Is sorry now that away he ran; He sees that his view was a gross mistake ; That folks out here don’t lie awake To bother about the hired men ‘The shah sends out here now and then— Paniculaly such style of man As Hadji Hassein Ghooly Khan, —Chicago Mail. YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity A ury, and not a low-priced article. Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the 15 First-prize Medals. tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands. Prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial, and excellence. The faultless union of two matchless Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- finest for the pipe. Wu, S. KIMBALL & Co. comicbooks.com