Judge — August 3, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TESTING IT. JONES says that his grand- father once shut himself up with a raven to test the assertion that the bird will live for several centuries, AN INNOVATION. Bagley —""So Bailey has tured over a new leaf in regard to drink, ch? He never drank very hard.” Peterby—“No; but he does now. That's where the new leaf comes in.” CAUSE AND EFFECT. COUNTRYMAN ordering a tombstone for his brother. “And what sized letters do you want us to use for the inscription?” asked the man of marble. “Oh, the biggest you've got. He was awful near- sighted.” WORSE THAN THE GALLOWS. Warden—“Mr, Smith, the electrical apparatus won't work to-day, and it has been decided to ask you to be executed in another way. A man is outside ready to play the Boulanger march on a hand- organ if you say the word. Prisoner —" No, no; any death but that!" WILLING TO SEE IT. Washington guide—Have you ever seen a bird’s-cye view of the capital?" Mayor of Podunk — No; hev ye got a bird's eye with ye?” LONG DRAWN OUT. ‘ “ME: THUMPER preaches a very finished sermon, don’t you think?” she asked, after serv he replied; “but I thought to-day he wouldn't finish it until was Younc DEADHEAD: NOT UP TO HIS EXPECTATIONS, Quit yer foolin’ now, Tom Bowers! see nothin’ but two great big brown posts with cobble-stones set round 'm,” 269 THE OLD, OLD STORY. PASSIONATE note he pen: INE ATE note he penned And begged her to name the day ; ‘And then in a wild impatience ‘That could brook no mail's delay By a messenger-boy he sent it, And told him to" rush it, quick :* ‘Then waited, and walked, and waited, While his heart throbbed loud and quick. “Oh, who is that old, old man ?"” “Why, that is Bachelor Gray ; His youngest of bachelor friends Have gathered on his birthday To wish him most happy returns."" “But what is this creeping form “That hands him a yellowed missive, Then, yawning, awaits the storm ?"* “Oh, that is the same old chestnut, ‘The bach rang up in his youth ‘The boy with his darling’s answer: * Yes, dearest ; next June. Ruth" Your ANOTHER WAY OF PUTTING IT, 66 AND PRAY why didn't you put new buttons on my shi ked a Bo- hemian of his washer- jvoman. “Shure, sir, because it’s meself was thinkin’ ye'd be afther needin’ new shirts on the buttons.” Dis show isa fraud, I can't THE RETORT DISCOURTEOUS. A FOOLISH fellow was taunting a neighbor on the length of his ears. “It’s true,” replied the latter, “that my ears are rather long for a man; but how uncommon short yours are for a donkey!" A NEW USE FOR THE TOURNURE. 6¢GGERTRUDE, where in the world is my bustle?” Why, shure, Master Eddie is a-wearin’ it.” “My little boy? “Yes, ma’am; he took it when he went to his fencing-lesson. says he uses it for a mask. He A HANDICAPPED DUEL, iend annoys?" Monsieur Stcarp: rouge it, else ze fight goes not on!" have ze aim of my peestol deestracted by ze shiny bald head of Monsieur Rupert, He must comicbooks.com