Judge — August 3, 1889 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HER ROCKERY. Oph my heart leaned warm and tenider ‘T'ward a maiden young and slender— Helen Ann the angels named her at hér birth, Blue her eyes and wondrous saucy, Pale her hair and monstrous glossy ; Never such a beauty gladdened mother earth, Helen Ann she had a passion For that yearly summer fashion, Arrockery. She must, must have one or die. So I tramped the mountains over, And the meadows, to discover Every curious weed that flourished ‘neath the sky. ‘The sundry tugs and reaches Were hard on coats and breeches, And I lost six collar-buttons in a week. My old man talked and grumbled "Bout the way I toiled and tumbled At the merest word that Helen Ann did speak. ‘ ‘Thus I worked the livelong summer At the slightest notice from her, Rocks and flowers, turf and moss, lay at her feet Ina mingled mass of beauty. ‘Then I said, in love and duty, “We will spend the evening here together, sweet.” When the summer day was ended, And my clothes were neatly mended, T sauntered t'ward the bower of Helen Ann ; Tut I felt my hot tongue stammer And my heart beat like a hammer When I caught her flirting with another man, T had every cause to hate her, For T learned a few weeks later, When she left her native village as his wife, "Twas a dandy from the city Who had won her (here, your pity). He had rocks—whole rockeries, they tell me. Such i LONE L. JONES. CERTAINTY ITSELF. SOME ONE was complaining before Jones of the poor quality of a new brand of matches, “Well,” remarked t truth compels me to state that not a single one has missed fire with me yet, although that may be due to my ay of lighting them “How is that ? : ; “Why, I stick them in the lamp? Ingenious, isn't it?" A GRIBVOUS MISTAKE: ys i araps: 206" , i SNIPKIN (trying to start a conversation) —"* L—aw—don't see how you can —er—stand a boa a delightful day like this, don'tcherknow.” VicTIMIZED LADY (zearih Really, Mr. Snipkin, T can’t. Th can I do if you insist upon forcing your company on mi GETTING DOWN TO DETAILS. “pe YOU imagine Miss Porcine is well off ?" “I judge so, from the fact that she said her father owned next to the largest abattoir in Chicago.” “Do you know what is next to the largest abattoir in “ A vacant lot.” HE FELT MUCH BETTER. Minister —"V'm glad, Bertie, to see that you kept your promise to me and came to church to-day, instead of going fishing. Bertie—"V. Minister — Don't you feel better than if you had gone to the creek 2” Bertie—"* Yes, sit; ‘cos pa said if 1 follered him to- day he'd lick me good.” WOULDN’T REGULATE ANYTHING, *T thought you said that watch would reg- ulate the sun,’ INJURY TO INSULT, Jeweler —* Well, won't it?” M—"' Sce dot eye?” ‘Robson —" No; it loses time right along. I don't Mrs. HAUM*—" Mein crascious! how you get dot 2" Se a oo " ei , Sean E1sexuaum—'* I vos goin’ down mit der Bowery, unt a feller says, ‘Say, Tkey, vy don'd you it would even regulate the price of cheese in pat up a flying-jib, too; you'll go fasder,’ Und ven 1 gomplained he hit me mit a brick," comicbooks.com