Judge, 1889-07-27 · page 3 of 16
Judge — July 27, 1889 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page 251: Satirical Commentary This page contains multiple short satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's style: **"The Regret of a Sea-Side Bachelor"** mocks the cliché that women cannot keep secrets, claiming the only secret girls reliably keep is "the place where they go to swim"—a reference to segregated bathing areas and the modesty taboos surrounding women's swimming. **Brief political/social jabs** include mockery of John Wanamaker's alleged senatorial ambitions and commentary on a builder named Buddensiek imprisoned at Sing Sing. **Other observations** ridicule the notion that men with side-whiskers are inherently cold-blooded, and sarcastically comment on theatrical productions and business "trusts" (monopolies), sarcastically equating small grocers with large industrial monopolies. **Two cartoon vignettes** show common street scenes: an enthusiastic youth asking about baseball ("Hallo, Mickey, where's yez hustlin' to?") and an impatient fan demanding action at a game ("Play ball there!"). These capture turn-of-the-century American vernacular and pastimes.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE REGRET OF A SEA-SIDE BACHELOR. [TSA LEGEND as old as the hills ‘That a secret the girls can’t keep; You tell them a matter of serious weight, And you caution them gravely not to prate, But they’ do—till they make you weep. They'll promise and swear and affirm That they'll even close their pores ; And upon their honors, and on their words, No breath of the subject your tale affords Shall reach any ears but yours. But you hear of it right and left; And the thought comes, bleak and grim, That the only secret the girls can keep, And hold with a silence that’s fathoms deep, Is the place where they go to swim. “. ‘THE REPORT that John Wanamaker wants to be a United States sen- ator is dreadful, of course; and yet there be many men outside of the Sunday-school who want to be senator. eee BUDDENSIEK, builder of mud fats, must remain at Sing Sing. If he were to be pardoned the poor man inight inadvertently enter one of his own structures and be crushed to death. THEORY has it that men with side-whiskers are uniformly cold- blooded and selfish; and we suppose if they cut off the side-whiskers and wore merely a moustache and imperial they would be uniformly warm-blooded and generous. AN ENTHUSIAST —* Hulloa, Mickey, wher * Goin’ ter the ball-g: YAL Iv zr Luk! yez hustlin’ to? ve Mi E PLAY of “ Uncle Tom's Cabin™ has passed on. We have instead Pinafore” by juveniles. ‘ ‘A TRUST is a menace,” says the Ch man for himself, etc, ‘Two men who join forces to start a comer grocery have a trust. The owners of a file factory that employs a hun- dred men are guilty of a trust. Kiel ago Times, Certainly, Every AT THE GAME. Inventive Mike —" Play ball there! What's eatin’ yez?”