Judge — July 27, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 859 THE WORKINGS OF THE INFANT MIND. Thomas Jefferson, when about four years old, was playing with his blocks one day, when the sound of an Infant sister came drifting in from the distant nursery. "Tt seems to me,” remarked the infant statesman, paus- ing in his childish labor, **or, rather, it strikes me that Anna Maria has taken ‘her base on bawls.”* ** But,” interposes the hypercritical reader,"* Thomas Jefferson had no sister Anna Maria, and base-ball and its slang were unknown in his time.” Ves, all that I know: but I agree with Mr. Howells that in a novel dealing with modern life ‘a plot of close texture is not only necessary, but is an anachronism.” ‘* But,” you say, ‘the infancy of Thomas Jefferson is not a feature of modern life.” No, goosey ; but base-ball is. Go; get thee to a kindergarten and learn the simple canons of criticism. — Burdette, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, , When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she had Children, she gave them Castoria, THE INJUN, ‘A noble Injun sat one day In peaceful contemplation Of spreading plains with verdure gay— The beauties of creation. His eye was bright, his mind was clear, Each muscle thrilled with power ; ‘And sturdy effort hovered near His rude domestic bower. ‘The years rolled on, The white man came, With innovations risky— The pistol and the poker game, lam sandwiches and whisky. The Injun, gaunt and hungry, stalks ‘The streets of Denver city, Inspiring everywhere he walk: Contempt unmixed with pity “If as of yore my time I spent, ‘All men would have despised me; I'm glad,” he says, ‘*the white man went ‘To work and civilized me.” Merchant Traveler, All persons afflicted with dyspepsia find immediate relief by using Angostura Bitters, of Dr. J. G. B. gert & Sons, “Ask your druggist. “The atmosphere of this car is oppressive, Maria,” complained Mr. Bilius. ‘I'll just go out on ‘the plat- form and get some fresh air.” And he went out, met an old acquaintance, and they adjourned to the smoking- car, where Mr. Bilius spent the next two hours in an atmosphere of thick tobacco-smoke and Russian emi- grants.—Chicago Tribune, “Here, sonny, hold my horse,” said a gentleman to “a.gamin as he alighted from a carriage on Washington street the other day. '* Has he had his oats ter-day, sir?” asked the boy, as he hesitated. ‘ Had his oats? ‘What has that to do with it?” inquired the gentleman, in sur- rise.‘ Well, yer see, sir, de las’ time I hung onto a Foss he eat de'straw hat off me head, and I only got a nickel, and a lickin’ when I got home. Put up a quar- ter an’ I'll take de risk.” ‘The boy got the quarter.— Boston Herald, COMFORTABLE and ELEGANT. For Sale by Leading Dealers. MPa Solely by WM. BARKER, Troy, ¥.Y, BREAKING THE DAY IN TWO. When from the dawn till noon seems one long day, And from noon till night another, Oh, then should a little boy come from play ‘And creep into the arms of his mother. Snugly creep and fall asleep— ‘Oh, come, my baby, do; Creep into my lap, and with a creep We'll break the day in two. When the shadows slant for afternoon, When the midday meal is over, ‘When the winds have sung themselves into a swoon, And the bees drone in the clov ‘Then hie to me, hie, for a lullaby— Come, my baby, do; Creep into my lap, and with a nap We'll break the day in two. We'll break it in two with a croonin; With a soft and soothing number For the day has no right to be so lon; And keep my baby from slumber. ‘Then rock-a-bye ; rock while white dreams flock Like angels over you. Baby's gone—and the deed is done— We've broken the day in two. Ella Wheeler Wilcox in Pittsburg Dispatch. Mrs, Winstow’s Soorixe Syrup for Children ‘Teething ; soothes the child, softens .he gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarthara, "25 cents a bottle. CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Hooman ability don’d vas got der muscle to fight mit der wisisitutes of dis life, I baed you. Der mutte vas more vorth as a hundret tollars of Chay Goold’s silfer-ware, Gif to efery man his due-bill. Vhen you don'd done it dhere can been no habbiness in his vash-lady’s parlor, Efery feller in dis life vas bound to bromote reforma- tion by his bersonal oxamples, It don'd vas der peoples dot vas gone dead dot vas blind in dheir eyes to dheir own failings. BERTON “SEC” CHAMPAGNE. Case one dozen bottles, $30.00, net. half-bottles, $32,00, net. Case two dozen We are sending a good deal of gold abroad, but we are likewise sending over lots of people who know how to distribute it.— Boston Herald. Another jibe upon the refreshment-room sandwich : “The railway sandwich,” says the traveler, ‘is an i stance of the impossibility of making both ends meat.” —London Globe, Volts—"At last they have discovered an unflinching truthsteller.” Jars—""That oz, Wed better inform the Ananias clul Volts Ves; it's a fact. The phonograph cannot tell a lie."—Cincinnati Commercial, ‘The story about the great cave found near Ohio, by a farmer turns out to be a canard, might have been expected from the way the story was worded. ‘The farmer was looking for a jug under a hay-cock, and not for a cave.—Detroit Free Press, indlay, Herbert Spencer says, "No; so it isn't. ‘But when it comes to s bronco that has been in the cattle business eleven years, and saddling a zebra that never before looked into the face of man, a fellow might just as well shut his eyes and sky a copper for his choice. A dog isn't much worse than a wild grizzly.—Brooklyn Eagle. “Why are the stars hung so high?” asked: Rollo, looking out of the window upon the star-gemmed cai opy of heaven, . “*So that the class of "89," said his Uncle George, who graduated in "73, ‘can walk around at night without knocking off its hats.” And Rollo was lost in contemplation of the wisdom that, in framing the universe, made ample provision for the comfort of ‘8g and the safety of the stars.—Burdette, . PREMIERE QUALITE, < OUR NEW CIGARETTE. Virgin As the result of long labor and careful study we have this superb EF) cigarette to offer. It cannot be surpassed in nd Is a novelty, unique, chaste, and dainty. It and North Caroli purity or excellence, is from the highest cost leaf. "THE FINEAT SMOKING MIXTURES ARE OF OUR MANUFACTURE. 15 First Prize Medals, WM. 8, KIMBALL & CO., Rochester, N.Y. “TL saw you at the church supper Ia but you went away very early. “Oh, that was all right. I was hungry asa shark, and went to a restaurant to get something to eat. I came back to the church again,” —Burdette, t night, deacon, What was the matter?” Chicago woman—"* 1 want a marriage-license. My fiancé is too busy to come himself.” "Clerk of court (glancing at calendar) —"* Let_me see, this is the tenth, isn't it?” Chicago woman —* Why, how perfectly ab- surd of you! This is only my sixth.""—Afinncupolis Tribune. Mrs, True Genteel—" Good-morning, Mrs, Carrots. Going to New York to do a little shopping?” Mfrs. Gushy Carrots (whose husband has hit standard oil and acquired sudden riches)—"* No; I've just returned. I bought a nice Rubens this morning, and, I declare, when I called at my husband's office he told me he had bought a Rembrandt by the same artist yesterday after- noon.”—Once a Week, | YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. | Style and Quality Unequaled. |180—719—1107 Broadway. Try the H.H.S A Gentleman's Ciga $7.50 per 100. Sample Box of 25 sent prepald for $2. SACKER & WHITCOMB, 33 Central St., Boston, Mass. THE CELEBRATED PIANOS ‘Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., WN. Y. SOHMER « CO, Pa., 1318 Chestnut Street ; Curcaco, Tut., 236 san Paaxcisco, Cats, Union Club Building’ Sr. $22 Olive Street’; Kansas Crrv, Mo., 1123 Main St Pruvapeurny State Street Louis, Mo., MERAY B Y NONE NICE ia the Regd Court of Fustice.—Goxneil v. Durrant —On Jen. 28, fom Taran ETL Sc ee comicbooks.com