Judge, 1889-07-20 · page 6 of 16
Judge — July 20, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* presents various short satirical pieces typical of late-19th-century American humor magazines. **"The Base-Ball Player"** uses baseball as a metaphor for life's fickleness—celebrating success while ignoring failure. The poem comments on society's shallow praise and blame. **"Wrong Kind of Measurement"** is a gentle domestic comedy: a newly rural wife misunderstands "garden-hose by the foot or yard," thinking she can buy "pairs" of hose like clothing. **"A Serious Mistake"** uses dialect humor featuring Black characters in a boating accident—typical of the era's problematic racial stereotyping common in *Judge*. **Other brief pieces** include wordplay and observations about human nature: a wife's geometric proof that women can't draw straight lines, children's logic about dentists and teachers, and definitions mocking pretension. The page mixes gentle domestic satire with crude ethnic humor reflecting the publication's intended audience of middle-class white Americans. The baseball poem is the most substantive content; others are quick gags.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE BASE-BALL PLAYER. JOYOUS are his friends whene’er he makes a base-hit ; When he steals a bag the crowd extols with When a fly he takes who would withhold a plaudit ? But when he goes out how many jeer at him ! Let him thump the leather for a brace of bases And with braves you will hear the welkin ring ; But alas! whenever he the leather chases Where is one who will the chaser’s praises sing ? Inone inaing he may knock the ball from vision, And with leisure place a home-run on the Bot three useless strikes the next time end his mission Till again he works some marvel as before, ‘Thus we sce the noble game is like existence : You may make a hit in life and calmly view All the problems of well-being and subsistence Until some one in the game surpasses you, Je AL WALIMON, WRONG KIND OF MEASURE. T. Wife (just moved into the country) —“ John, 1 wish you'd take this address. ‘They advertise garden-hose so cheap I think I'd like a dozen pairs, for I shall certainly get mine soiled soon enough to want to change them often if I've got to pick the strawberries and all that sort of thing.” (Hands him an advertisement which reads, “ Garden- broy hose by the foot or yard.”) Mr, Bestco a eee eee cream freezah?” A SERIOUS MISTAKE, Mr. Bentcoop—"' H-hol’ on dar! Whadjer doin’?” Mr. Piven (excitedly) —"* Sistah Jennin’s done fell ovahboahd, an’ I's chuckin’ her d life- “* Drap dat, yo" fool coon! Doan’ yo" know yo's got yo han’s on d’ ice- TRYING TO BREAK OFF, ON THE sr Fleecy —" What are d-home six bath: to do something to break myself of the habit.” owels in those cars already this season, and I've g AN INVINCIBLE ARGUMENT. wn —" 1 made that chalk-line on the floor to been drinking again, and I find that you have.” Brown —Vshaw! What's that prov woman can’t make a str if you had Don't you know that a it I SOME NEW DEFINITIONS. Year—A period of time that, in the case of ladies of a certain age, is sometimes extended to eighteen months. ‘The small-pox of partridyes. Silence—Vhe flashes of wit of stupid people. A QUESTION OF TASTE AT SARATOGA. Mr, Bennico (taking his first draught of the water) —"* Say, boy ! you wanter watch that gent from ‘Texas over there, I'll bet two ter one he's been cleanin’ his revolver in that ‘ere tank.” ONE WAY OF LOOKING AT IT. to a soldier who has just been to a dentist: booby. and didn’t say anything.” “Yes, because he didn’t charge me anything.” “Oh, that’s different.” you let the man pull out a good tooth for a bad one NO BUTTONS, Mamma —* Dotkins, have you got baby to sleep yet?" Dotkins ke him teep his eyes buttoned.” A CORRECTED SENTENCE, is it proper to say * Peach Teacher watermelons "?" Johnnie (who evidently has his likes and dislikes) Teacher —" Well, you may correct the sentenc Johnnie —* Watermelons is better than peaches. is better than Punter —‘* No; sawin” wood.” comicbooks.com