Judge — July 13, 1889 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

] iy i Will 3 i NATURAL CURIOSITY. Uncix Biupan (who has been sh room, and butler's pantry of hit nic when’ no one ain't lookin’ gimme a tip where t’ find th’ barber-shop an’ bar,” THERE MUST BE, as the JuDGE has said, a new atmosphere for the college and the other boatmen. There must be a new kind of water. It must not only be like glass, but it must be glass itself. ‘There must be a specially manufactured breeze, and the accessories of every kind must be wholly artificial in order to be wholly complete. If that excel- lence is reached—and Mr. Bob Cook knows how to reach it—it will cease to be necessary for twenty thousand persons to sustain disappointment and hunger and agony for an unreasonable period. Hurrah for Yale! But there is a great deal of virtue in that quotation from the ancient philoso- pher, “Play or pay.” SILENCE IN THE COURT! THE FOURTH having gone, it might be well to suggest that it is better honored at the silent breech of the cannon than at the too observant and noisy muzzle thereof. Like the orator of the day, the gun is so unpleas- ant, and it does make so much noise! Grant- ed that the gun and the orator are better for the going off, for that is what they were made for; but they enunciate nothing more than v, and the reminder, on a hot day, is as feverish as it is superfluous. Suppose we celebrate by keeping our mouths shut. Hooray! Bring out the guns and let us cele- brate the silence. OH, NO! HE JUDGE is not sensitive; but the in- quiry of the Chicago Trtdune—very appropriately reproduced by the Springfield Republican—* Has the JUDGE been mug- wumped 2” leads it to look over certain mat- ter in the Chicago paper regarding Harrison, about the time of the late national convention, which is very funny. ‘The 7rdune was mug- wumped at that time, and if it has recovered from it so much the better for your Uncle Joseph, No—the JUDGE has its opinions ; and it may have stolen a few hams and done a couple of burglaries, but it has not been mugwumped, tune died’ very easily, NOT BUNGLED. Mr. Saritean—'* My knowledge of the music was per- fect, I know, Miss de Mill; but I fear my execution was r. Don't you agree with me, judge?” Tue JuDGE—"Can't agree with you, sir, HOW SOME PEOPLE READ NEWSPAPERS. AT THE CLUB, First old man— Second old man First old man—* By the and injured 2” Second old man - hat was a terrible accident last night, wasn’t it?” y ing, shocking!” did you notice how many were killed No, didn’t notice, real First old man— where it occurred ? Second old man—" Um, no; just looked over the newspaper hastily.” First old man—* Terrible accident.” Second old man —* Shocking, shocking !" er—do you remember A CHANGE OF SENTIMENT. Battersby —* What have you got on that shutter? It's Hudson, I declare, Drunk again, I suppose—the poor, miserable sot!” The man—"No, sit, Mr. Hudson was umpiring a game of ball, and he got struck in the stomach.” Battersby —* What ! my old friend Hudson stricken on the field of battle? Hudson al- ways was a brave fellow, Yes, that’s his house— the yellow one.” LOOKING BACKWARD. te] 'VE NEVER seen my hands when they were as dirty as yours,” said a mother to her young daughter by way her for want of neatness, “No,” quickly retorted the clever child, “but I guess grandma has.” of reproving LEARNED IT FROM THE BIRDS. Mother —* Emelini ting to be a terrible swearer. like this years a Daughter —"\ know it, mamma; but you know Charles keeps books in a bird-store now,” Mother —* Well, what's that got to do with it?” Daughter —" A. great deal. always seven or eight parrots in stock.” ‘our husband is get- He was not I think the ‘There are comicbooks.com