Judge — July 13, 1889 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ENDOWED with the boon of ubiquity, Coeval with evil and Eve, You come thro’ the cloud of antiquity, A frail, fallen fame to retrieve ; With you my thoughts drift over history, Along by that stil, solemn shore Where time darkens up into mystery ‘And leaves little light to explore. . Trace you to times thought utopian ; ‘You've antedituvian blood ; ‘You lived in an era cyclopean, Survived the Deucalian flood ; You witnessed the quarrels quotidi ‘That set Rome not seldom astir, And mid the Augustan meridian You burst your pre-adamite burr. O archetype of truest aridity, © mustiest morsel of thought, O chestnut that boasts insipidity From a cycle of centuries caught. Last night, as the eunset was shimmering, T heard the sweet chestnut-bell’s chime, And you loomed aloft in the glimmering For the trillion and twenty-first time. CITY CHILD, wandering over a farm-yard with its father, was greatly frightened at the sight of a good-sized gobbler. “Why, my boy, you don't mean to say that you're afraid of a turkey, when you ate one only yesterday.” “Yes, pa, but this one isn’t cooked.” A CHANCE FOR THE ELEMENTS. Father (on a steamet)—"1 don’t know what to do with that boy. He aggravates me terribly. He needs severe chastising, but this is no place to do it. Mother (equally oppressed) —" Take him up on deck, Henry. I heard the captain say just now that there was a spanking breeze on. DID NOT ADMIT OF A DOUBT. HE DAY before a duel. “L assure you, sir, that I mean business, sir.” “And I too, sir.” “There will be at least one corpse, sir.” quite agree with vou, sir.” nd it won't be mine, sir!” Nor mine either, sir!” WHOSE FAN? HE BALL was at its Deight of light and glory, And beauty, joy, and music filed the place ; Behind the palms, in the conservatory, Brown saw a couple stand in close embrace, And heard a kiss. “He knew ‘twas gay Ned Story, But had no charce to see the woman's face. ‘When they had gone, he passed the threshold o'er, And found a dainty fan upon the floor, Whose was the fan? He vowed that he would know it; He sought the ball-room, and, in passing through, He waved its silken wing, that he might show i ‘Avking each fair: Does this belong to you He'd told his friends the joke—could not forego it, ‘And they watched, too, to sce him get his clew. Suddeo—Brown's pretty wife called from her chair: “Why, Dick, that’s mine! I've sought it everywhere.” DIVORCE WHILE YOU WAIT. Woman —" How long will it take me to get a divorce in this court?” Chicago Judge—* That depends on circumstances, madam.” Woman —* What circumstances Chicago Judge —" Well—er whether you are married.” Woman—" Do you suppose I'd be fooling about here, if T wasn't?” Chicago Judge —" Here's your decree, madam.” ONE TEST. A YOUTHFUL candidate for matrimony asked her father for the hand of his best girl. “My son, you seem rather young; if, however, after the lapse of years, you" “ Sir,” interrupted the youth, drawing himself up.to his full height, “' permit me to inform you that Iam old enough to have had the rheumatism, ANSWERS BY ANALOGY. Teacher —" Who in the class can tell what a man who walks is called? Tommy Toots?” A walker.” it depends altogether on Willie Waffles ?” plied to a man who pla Wiilie (promptly) —"* An orchestrion.” NO SATISFACTION. Diner —* What kind of soup is this, waiter ?" * Dunno, sah I ed for consommé, but heaven only knows. what you have brought me.” Sambo—" Why don’t ye arsk heaben den, sah?" AN UNSATISFACTORY SCHOLAR. Sunday-school Superintendent —*\ am pained to learn that two of the little boys of the school have absented themselves to- day in order to go fishing. You wouldn't go, would you, Master Norton ?” Master Norton —" No, sit.” Sunday-school Superintendent why you wouldn't go fishing on Sunday. Master Norton —" ‘Cause it’s too cold yet to catch anything.” SCARCELY A COMPLIMENT. TRACT from an old maid’s album : The habit of living with men has rendered me more indulgent Now tell the rest of the scholars CATASTROPHE IN TWO SCENES. At bay, Enemy in the rear. Complete rout. comicbooks.com