Judge — May 4, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE MEN WE HAVE MET. E, B, POND, MAYOR OF SAN FRANCISCO, HE pioneers of California have evaded the scalping- knife of time as successfully as they did that of the poor, painted, thirsty redskin, whose appanage they crossed on their way to the gold-fields forty years or so ago, The diminution of hair caused by high hats and frequent occupancy of front seats at the ballet has affected few of them, The present mayor of San Francisco, who traveled to the land of the setting sun with an ox-team in 1852, is one of these old-timers who are obliged to visit a tonsor regularly in order to keep their locks shorn. Not only is he not bald, though fifty-six years of age, but he has as perfect a set of white, unblemished and unpurchased teeth as can be found in adozen counties. The sound constitution which these natural possessions and a sturdy frame indicate was obtained in a pastoral spot in Jefferson county, New York, not far from Watertown. It was there that while milking one of his father’s cows the mayor ascertained by experiments, in which 2 playmate acted as target, that he could discharge the lacteal fluid from the bovine with such accuracy and force as to strike an object ten feet away every time he chose to do so, The mayor isa busy man. The door of his private office is always open and he denies himself to no one. He has been twice elected supervisor and twice mayor, and so for six years has been in public life, with two more before him. He has exercised the veto power more than any previous mayor of his city. He would, in the opinion of a disappointed politician, deliberate very carefully over the bible if it were presented to him in the form of an ordinance before affixing his signature to it. The mayor lives on Nob hill, but he owned the house he has in that aristocratic locality before he became a public official, He has large landed interests, and is concerned in insurance and mining companies, a savings bank, a sugar refinery, and other enterprises. It would take six figures to express his wealth. LINES TO HIS ANCIENT HEIRESS. wwe is like (I don’t want rose, Her eyes are blue as summer skies Her taper fingers (Just like claws! For she has such a dreadful nose, (Great Shakespeare! how a fellow lies 1a believe that without cause She'll think the thymes I thought were those). When at this sort of truck be shies). She'd peck at virtue's self for Haws), My girl is (Ob! T can’t say sweet, Her teeth like pearls (It seems to me Her raven tresses, like (Oh, dear! For dectare that I'm clean beat, ‘That that’s a line | often see: ‘The way she glues them ‘gainst my ear If T can find aught else but feet). But, hang it! what else can Would make an angel swear, I fear). Her lips like cherries (Ba Her sheli-like ear (It hay c to couple love Htasted, when with my adieux ‘The facts are scantier th and that I've used above). I kissed her, y On which to write, Huse, let's quit). WOULDN’T BE IMPOSED ON. Mr, Long purse (married a month)—" What! Here's a bill from Dr. Wisdomtooth for those teeth you had filled last week. My dear, it isn’t right for me to pay thi Mrs. Long purse (with spirit)—* Well, sir; 1 should like you to inform me who would be the proper person to pay it, then 2” Mr, Longpurse— Holy smoke! Your mother, of course. Think I'm going to pay dentists for stopping up holes that you had in your teeth before you married me and left the maternal roof? Well, I guess not.” UNREASONABLE. Ig Z } : TOO SWEET. Mr. Bob Tayle— | 4 y ca Wagys—" 1 wish “Here, cully, gimme a | f ame : you wouldn't make such napkin, will yer?” j } HY affectionate pies, Mrs. Waiter —" Phwat! ‘et. 2 Bp}: Skimplee.” A napkin wid a foiv 4 RASA NS / Landlady—" Mfec- cint plate av bafe sthew? |) Cig, : i tionate pies! Pray, what Do yez vink de charity WHAM Ba | { / BUA) (|! kind’s that?” organization is runnin’ a; 46 La , Waggs—“ Why, free laundhry for dish- {apa pe id jl f Eas this berry pic's so thin tressed aytin’-houses ? } ; 4 5 ; é / that the crusts are act ally stuck on each othe REVISED PROVERBS: SUSPICIOUS. Bread is the stuff of f mos d life. i h } ia Arh / \ “Tdon't know just ; A dead cat has nein $ ‘ as j AMON what to think about this lives, \ KY picce of news,” said Par- an new broom | \ i rott, as he laid down his sweeps dirt ‘ “| 3 | apie paper. “There's some- "While there's life \ ai\ 2% thing mighty odd about there’s breath, AY Re Z — get Nd aw . There is no cigar 1K : = = G Why, the Sun and vith Nk r ‘ y j the Worl? both agree ee A litte nor i y = : on the facts. Alittle knowledgeis Se TE dev where Detter than none at all MIXED UP HISTORY. the oddity comes in.” When sailing never quarrel Mas, Pursiver (to her hushand, toho it going fo masquerade as Henry VIIL)—"Lal's See, vouleTan. bey was it Henry that killed Annie Holynn, or was it Annie that killed him ?* ame a EE na begond’s cones Mr. Pctsirer—" Lain't dead sure, but I think Annie done th’ deed.” _A good name is To have a faling out. Mx. Puusirer—" I don’t blame her, Joseph, if he looked like that,” easier won tha comicbooks.com