Judge, 1889-04-27 · page 13 of 28
Judge — April 27, 1889 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical cartoons and humorous sketches typical of Judge magazine's social commentary. **"The Widower's Dilemma"** features a man confessing to a parson that he's been married three times. The satire mocks both his repeated marriages (suggesting men are passive victims of women's pursuit) and the hypocrisy of church moralizing—he fears his wives are in heaven and worries he'd have to join them there. **"As Good as a Family Tree"** satirizes social pretension: a boarding house owner boasts of Mayflower ancestry while a tenant sarcastically notes her monotonous, cheap meals ("baked beans and boiled dinners") are better proof of humble origins than any documents. **"Averse to Notoriety"** jokes about a porter preferring to sleep in the smoker car rather than in a bed named after P.T. Barnum's circus—mocking both the absurdity of novelty marketing and working-class dignity. Other sketches humorously depict marital dynamics, medical advice about exercise, and a drunk man arrested near Valley Forge, all reflecting turn-of-century American social attitudes and humor.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE THE WIDOWER’S DILEMMA. NOW Barer. you ur got a view of things that I can’t see. You know that Iam rayther shy; an’ yit who'd credit me With bashfulness, wen I confess I've had three wives—a fact ‘That orter mean a man is keen, an’ * shows his nerve an’ tact! An’ yit, sie, that jes’ makes it pat that Ta timid man; Ef women chuse, whokin refuse? Wren. ever I would plan Fer single life, I'd git a wife! No two war quite the sime, An’ each o° three jes’ married me! Humph! how wuz I to blame? Now, parson, you may have a clew wat I want to know: You married me to all the three; an’ wren they had t” You preached about they wuz, etsettery ‘You'll never know jes’ “zackly how your sermons “fected me! Mary, my first, I never durst gainsay er contradic’; ind, an’ yit her mind ud git right th Nancy Jane, though in the main a likely, lovin’ wife, Ud now an’ then, jest like a hen, scratch whar ‘twould dig up strife! ‘Susan, my last, wuz a contrast. She never ud split hairs, Wile Mary wuz inclined t* buzz ‘bout other folks’ aflairs; no matter who wuz rig Susan wuz mild ez any child, and never'd wreak her spite. An’ yit a tramp er any scamp that peddled nicks an’ nacks Cud steal her blind. er market find fer silk er carpet-tacks! In church they all war dutiful, ex you o° all men know: An’ w'en they died you surely tried t* prove they'd hev a show In heaven, whar they bolt an’ bar all sinful people out— { you'll allow, T want t’ talk about, he sex; an” I ud jes" despise vow er make a row in paradise. W'at do you think? I'll never slink, an’ want t” keep in grace; But ef they're thar, I'd better far jes steer fer “tother place. J. Ac WALDRON. AS GOOD AS A FAMILY TREE, Mrs. Pancake (proudly, to the circle of boarders) — Yes, indeed; though our family is now in reduced circumstances, | have some old documents to prove that we came over in the Afayflower.” Jack Borrewit (who has paid in advance)—“ Pray don’t take the trouble to produce them, Mrs. Pancake. Your fondness for baked beans and boiled dinners is sufficient proof of your ancestry.” SHE WANTED PARTICULARS. ndma, did you know that Explorer $ <o, Bobby; when did that happen ? Bobby —( nley was safe 2” AVERSE TO NOTORIETY. Portrr— Ms * Dar's Honore berth in suction fohtee is, is it? Well, I'm goi th’ smoker an’ camp out. T don’t sleep in no Barnum's circus car." 43 “STRANGERS ARE NOT WELCOME.” She—"1 do wish, Henry, that you'd take me some Sunday to hear Dr, Goldenmouth,”” He—Why not read his sermons in Monday's papers ? Fifth avenue sexton can’t prevent your doing that. Even a real devout |" / TOWARD THE END OF THE FESTIVITIES. Voice From THE VEticLE—"* Shay, boss!" ‘THe, oF FICER—" What is it Votce—" Where yer takin’ me?" ‘THe oFvicer—" ‘To the station-house.” Voice—"* Zash all right, ole man. ‘Fraid I'd gotter go back t’ Valley (ic) Forge. Z terrible cold winter down zhere.” (Sieeps.) MR. SQUAWKER PAID HIM DOUBLE. Dr, Pille—"Nour trouble, madam, is ii { digestion. You don't take enough exercise, I'm afraid.” Mrs. Squawker—"Why, doctor, every day directly I've finished dinner 1 go to the piano and sing half an hour. Dr. Pille—" Nvew would prescribe, mads {secre So Vv: THE RULING PAS- SION. * Doctor,” said the sick lady, feebly, “how long will it be before 1 can leave the house ?” , madam not safely doso until warm weather, “ Dear me !” she sighed. “And so that lovely new sealskin of mine might just as well have been in the store all winter.’ Live within my income? Very much I doubt it: What I'd hike to know 1s How to live without it comicbooks.com