Judge — April 20, 1889 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MEN WE HAVE MET. WILLIAM) M'CALLIN, MAYOR OF PITTSBURG, PA, WHEN natural gas broke out in Pittsburg a few years ago, and the smoke lifted and closed a city where it was supposed that only a junction of rivers existed, the surprise was added to by the further discovery that a full-fledged mayor was in exist- ence and was complacently carrying out his ideas of good government, After the last sooty particles blew away over the Alleghanys, and adventurous explorers invaded the town, it was further laid bare that this gentleman was Mr. William M’Callin. He is so extremely modest that it WOuld be impossible to get at a detailed account of his life, but cnough has been learned to know that he was born in Mercer county, Pa in 18 canft to Pittsburg in 1845, just after the city had enjoyed a special orgie of smoke by being partially burned. He attended one of the ward schools for some ye: becoming well grounded in occult science, sanscrit, the higher mathematics, and the ethics of truancy, entered the livery-stable business. Just how he came to go into politics will never be known, but it is suspect- ed that the emulative in- stinct which led him to always want the best horse in the ring had something to do with it, At any rate he was elected coroner by a large majority; and two years after the county treasury plum fell into his lap. his administration being di tinguished by the cleanest case of “hold on” (to public funds) ever perpetrated in Alle ghany county, It was absolutely impossible for highway and road agents to hold him up for more than one payment for the same job, while the safe in his office had an auto matic registry and was invincible to any but honest persuasion, Next came his election to the sherift’s office, where he did his full duty to the public and never allowed a knot to slip around under the chin of a Molly Maguire if he could help it. While serving in this capacity he made many strong attachments and is remembered by a great many people who moved out of the county to begin life over again. In 1887 Mr. M’Callin was elected mayor by a close shave and ever since then has been waging a fight against the pleasantry of his opponent, who thought it a first-class joke to secure a new city charter which should nullify the powers of the chief magistrate. Personally Mr. M‘Callin is affable, courteous and gentlemanly. Short in stature, with sandy hair, goatee and heart, he has lots of vim and enjoys a good, lively, square fight better than a Kerry Irishman, We are not natural-gassing when we congratulate Pittsburg on having a mayor who knows his trade. In England fat old gentlemen who eat a great deal generally belong to the peer- age, but in America they belong to'the sausage, A NICE DISTINCTION, 1 HUA Gd \ T understand you are going to marry Miss Eysler?” Quite so,” “+ But she squints, doesn’t she?" 1 Certainly not. ‘It is true she is affected by a slight optical indecision, but squinting—never!” A BASE INSINUATION. Sympathizer—"\s there any hope?” Wife—* Not unless we can make the doctor beli have a little more money left.” A REALISTIC IDYL. CADOT sig the old sog Aboud love-time in sprig; Tried it whed I toog her A-ridig: in my gig. Bot just as 1 was reachig “I love=ker-chew—chew—chew—you To sig way up in G, As mad ne'er loved before: ‘Thad blamed sprig idfluedza And if you'll—chew—redurn it “Took a fresh hold od me. Til-chew—love—chew—you more.” tried the sneeze to straggle— With most unspriglike codness Thad bud two lides more— She durned away her head: But I was quigly smothered "Tam not fond of gum, sir, By sneezes half a score. And never chew,” she said, OFF HIS HANDS, “ How is it you have had so few deaths on your hands, doctor ? Mrs. Dresser —' Look here, young man! my husband ain't got no more rights than I That's easy enough. When I find I have a bad case have. He signed his on that side when he writ th’ document, an’ I'm goin’ to.” I order the patient to take a trip abroad, STANDING BY HER GUNS. CasitieR—" You've signed your ‘name on the face instead of on the back of the check. comicbooks.com