Judge — April 20, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE LOT OF THE FUNSTER.* JOURNALISM IN CALIFORNIA. Y daily traverse through the park (From the Gilrey Detineator.) arte ae oe MBS. JACK HAMILTON arrived last Monday to visit her husband. "Ariel he goes posmuced and Jack now sports a smile equal to. twenty pounds of sugar for With sorrow or with bitter fate a dollar. Past average mortal's lot, (From the Santa Clara Pealer.) Whether his bank account be great Tom Field has gone to the mines with a new-fangled pick. It is a double-ender, When one end is up the other is digging gold. His face is haggard, and his eyes No glints of gladness shor (From the Pomona Pulverizer.) His mouth firm set as one who tries Toon Soaks pean oar If Bill Blair does not bring back that valise he stole from the Red His nose, his cheek faint color wear, Neck hotel he will have the pleasure of seeing his name in print. Although 1 am not clear ; : cs ‘The tint that both these features bear (From the Monrovia Mocker.) ‘Might not betoken beer, Jim Hill talked ten dollars out of Doc. Scott yesterday. A man 1 pondered long to fix the source Of this poor mortal’s grief ; I did not like to ask, of course, If 1 could give reliet. At last my interest, you see, My courtesy outran, And thus I took the liberty To pump tims mournful man, ive my indiscretion, sir, My characteristic zeal, Or call it ‘cheek’ if you prefer, Should I ask how you feel, Or ask what caused that pallid face, What gloomed those eyes so stern, Too largely slowed that measured pace? To know these things I yean * My sympathetic friend." he said, ‘hen you my answer learn, ‘Twill more than justify, | ween, The yearnings that you yearn. ‘The final line will’ plainly show The font of my distress; I get up jokes, if you must know, For the funny Weedly Press.” * If Punster indicates the function of making fun, what philological objection ‘can there be to Fenster, a person who makes puns? THEIR RESPECTIVE WANTS. Mrs. Bissel was fond of wishing for what her husband's purse could ill afford, It was tiresome to Mr, Bissel, but, after all, it is better to let_a woman alone in her own foolish way. Mr. Bissel thinks himself it is better. One morning his wife ended a long list of wants by saying, with a sigh : “Oh, dear! how | wish there were more money in this fami “How / wish there were more common sense!" said Mr. AN INVOLUNTARY BROTHERHOOD. Bissel, with emphasis. _— Mrs. Bissel perceived his intention, but she replied calmly : en ee ele a ernest" teatro teen “No doubt you do. We all long for what we most need. q NFAR-SIGHTED VENDER—"' Git ‘round on der Park avener corner, pardner, an’ yer'll sell der whole stack. who can do that can unlock the door to the kingdom of heaven. (From the Garvanan Growler) Drop ten dollars in the slot and get a divorve from Judge King. Formerly you had to drop ten dollars in the slot to make it work. ‘Time is a wonderful worker. (From the Pasadeva Poster) Jones hired two lawyers for his lawsuit, He says they cost him twice as much when they got through with him, One's bad and the other's from Texas. WILL at CLESIENS, A POEM OF PLACES. LL her gowns come from Felix or Worth, All her bonnets are purchased in France, ‘That she's traveled all over the earth Isa fact you'll perceive at a glance. She reads books that are written in Greek, She writes letters in Dutch for a change. Oh, her knowledge of tongues makes me weak, And her accent’s a thing that is strange. When her own native land I would praise She would say that my words came amiss, So I struggled to study the ways Of this dainty American miss. Once I thought I had won her applause, A QUIET COMPLAINT. But—most cruel, unhappy of fates !— She disfavored my suit just because ‘i (the neve coachman, who has misapplied his cape) —"* O¥'ve drove fer mane men, T made love to her here in the states, but, begor, this is th’ foorst wan thot iver gev me a robe th’ size o° thi . NATH KM. LEVY. comicbooks.com