Judge — March 9, 1889 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A BIRD OF PASSAGE. AUNT Sally Hutchins of Rhinebeck-on- Hudson got a youthful fever on the other day, and extracting her 1840 skates from the old cedar chest in the garret ambled down to the river's edge, and with a great deal of grunting and gasping got them on. As shestraight- ened up and took along, gliding stroke out on to the ice she observed, “‘They’s two things a body never forgets. One is how ter mix crullers, an’ th’ other is how ter skate,” Just then a breeze of wind right direct from Albany caught the good old lady and in a second she was speeding down the river like a mackerel-gull. She was reported at Newburg, West Point and Sing Sing, and yesterday's Spuyten Duyvil Herald had the following item : “This morning a strange bird came down the river on the ice, From our sanctum-window: it looked TROUBLE AT THE MILITARY SCHOOL. Ixstrucror—"* What's wrong in the front ran! Private Piirrs—" Please, sir, Private Simmons ‘S went an’ put a peanut in his breech-loader in place of a blank cartridge, an’ he can’t get it out.” like a cross between an albatross and a ca racock with its tail blown up over its back, wt with his Queen Anne musket, but failed to hit it. Aunt Sally's arrival at Sandy Hook on her way out is anxiously looked for. NOT WHAT SHE EXPECTED. * Miss Squawker,” said he. gently, as the last notes of her song died upon the air, " | hope you will not be offended at what | am about to say. It has been on n ind for some time, and "— “Go on, Mr. Spooner,” said the sly ~Well—h'm! The last horse-car will be down in three minutes, and Ul have to walk home if | don’t catch it.” CHOLLY’S ADVENTURE “Boys.” said Cholly to an interested audience at the club, “I passed last night—aw—by a gwaveyard, and as 1— aw—dwew neah [saw some gweat Finst Rast crac white object aristocracy is in dis . standing . @ there, and SECOND TRAME—" That's so, Bill, and that’s why I'm opposed ter workin’, 1 don't want them doods, like de ™y _bweath prince of Wales and de ooshun king, a-sneerin’ at dis nearly went country, and a-sayin’ we ain’t got no real, simon-puregentle- away; but | men. "No, sie: not while T live a cigawette, and that sustained me and gave me courwage. so | went up to the object and touched it. It was cold—aw—and, fellahs, shoot me if it wasn't a monument.” ON LEARNING TO SKATE. When on the mirror-ice, Profit by this advice, Which, for your own dear sake, T hope you're sensible enough to take: When learning first to skate, my little elf, Scek some secluded corner of the lake, And take a quiet tumble to yourself PUT HIS OWN CONSTRUCTION ON IT. Jones last Saturday received the following note from a friend : * Come and dine with me to-morrow, at Delmonico’s, with two or BIRTHDAY PRESENTS. pree friends.” . . ; three ii seen thee d ly h Mike—"* What did yez git fur yez birthday, Denn Jones, who is a very literal person, turned up promptly at the ap- Pere ese cieetare: Whee onl rer ai vointed hour with—three of his friends. Mikg—"'A batin’ from Tom Nolan.”