Judge, 1889-03-09 · page 14 of 20
Judge — March 9, 1889 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects brief satirical vignettes typical of Judge's humor: **"Denying Himself"** jokes about a cashier who embezzled money to Canada—his "self-denial" is ironic since he left with stolen funds. **"The Metamorphosis of a Wild-Flower"** uses floral metaphor to satirize marriage's disappointment: a man idealizes his bride as a beautiful wildflower, but married life transforms her into something prickly and unpleasant. **"At the Club"** mocks wealthy idlers ("Cholly") complaining about wasting neckties on a single bride—satirizing both nouveau riche wastefulness and frivolous concerns. **"Utility in the Fleigblatter Office"** features ethnic humor (German-accented editor) praising the new office boy's usefulness, concluding he has "no indications of flies on his build"—crude physical comedy. The remaining items are standard short joke formats covering topics like hotel service, morphine addiction, and verbal mishaps. The page exemplifies Judge's mix of social satire, domestic humor, and period comedy conventions now largely obscure.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE DENYING HIMSELF. Jones—* Skippley the cashier is practicing a good deal of self-denial nun—" How's that? [ should think that he could get on ‘com- fortably with what he took to Canada.” Jones—" Maybe, but he travels under an adéas, Isn't that self- denial WHAT HE ASKED FOR. Guest (from the wild, wild west)—* Give me a tip-top room.” THE METAMORPHOSIS OF Hotel clerk (to hall-boy)—" Take him up to the garret.” A WILD-FLOWER. _ _ [ MET, HER at Noonuits the season was autumn: AT THE CLUB. All blue was the sky and all gray was the se Cholly is going to marry, paw boy. ‘The tart of the meadow, just: back of the:sa . nd just think of the—aw—giddy lot of neck-scarfs that Was gilded with golden-rod, bright as could be. ‘And there, while she promised to love and to cherish, 1 sainted” that flower as an embl. ed —aw—on one single girl—aw Well, alack! we are married, and sand-dune and meadow Are ‘way out of sight of our flat on the square With my clubs and my business, her tea-fights and visits, We are ssmewhat apart for so tied-up a pair. And as for the rod that I shrined as an idol, It has changed to a kind of a pickly affair. pane. NOTES OF THE OLDEN DAY. Hebe happened to be a she. Acis was the inventor of poker. Sirius was a dog-goned funny star. Castor was one of the salt of the earth, Ate was the goddess of discord, not of dinner. It was generally considered that Ino knew nothing. ‘To-day we drive in phaetons, but Phaeton once drove the carriage of the sun QUITE GOOD ENOUGH. cuse me, Mr. Brown,” said the haberdasher, “ but quarter necktie you have selected. You always Do you notice what a restful feeling it gives you to smoke a quiet cigar 7° Iassax—"* Yes; these of yours particularly. "1 know of only one thing that would give ‘i : a more relaxing effect That's all right, old boy,” he returned, with a wink. Mutey— What's that * My wife has just started making a crazy-quilt HAssan (as dis zorupper comes off —"' Morphine.” A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT. wear a dollar one. A WOMAN'S REVENGE. HE KNEW WHAT IT WAS. “How could you help that Mrs, Proudly dress for the opera when Mother—"\n reading about the accident, Charlie, you said the vie~ you hate her so?" ; Maude. tims were taken out of the debris. You should have said dabree.” “1 I wanted to get a chance to put a pin in Son—" Well, if they had meant dabree they'd have said dabree. This here is debris.” Where Vi ‘ ran Is UTILITY IN THE “FLEIGBLATTER” OFFICE. )—"* You don’d look so mighiy shmardt, ‘The new boy demonstrating that there were no indications of flies on Lis but, py grascious! you vos a vell-puilt poy, You vos engaged.” build, comicbooks.com