Judge — March 2, 1889 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—4 Mowtank | DEws, A NEBRASKA DUET. ‘TexpeRFOoT—"* Can't you hotel robbers out here furnish toothpicks for Tur, rrorrieroR—"* Cert'nly, young feller; cert'nly !" your sguests ?” HE LOVED A CROSS-EYED GIRL. ITP WUZ jest this way: Tsaw one day a chipper, crosseyed girl ‘This crosveyed girl wus jest a pearl, ef know wat Tsay! Han'some? I guess! ‘Twa'n't nuthin’ levsthat set my head awhirl! Her name wuz Jane ; but she wan't pla cna summer day t La'n’t so nice, nur so purcise that I can’t beauty see Her shape wuz trim—not fat, nor slim; her cheeks war like a tr: In things that you might likely view quite differe.at from me. An’ how her eyes cud tantalize! "Cause they war crossed, I s'pose ! I s'pose, now, w'en you city men it out 0° doors tr gaze, Wall, I jest bore it till I swore I'd ask her fer her hand. If a sunbeam shud kinder seem criss-cross, ef ina hue, ‘One huskin’-bee she went with me, an’ all the way I planned Er if a breeze among the trees shud turn leaves wrot.g-side out, Ter git a chance, after the dane Er blow the grass all in a mass, you'd think natur’ about 1 wuz in love; but though I struv, Ez quick an’ wild ez some fn’ ter squirm an’ laugh Wen we sot down t’husk Bill Brown Wren some one tries ter hold its eyes ter git a fotygraph ! 7: T wuz right su say, wile you folks may want everything ter look e would—jest zif it could !=ef it wuz in a book, Hf you cud git one jest ¢2 fit by w like me jest like ter see odd things mixed with the straight; After the dance I got a chance t . 1 some folks think fit fer jokes quite offen hits my trait But ‘twa’n’t at me she looked, you sce! Nex’ day she married Brown! SLIGHTLY OBLIVIOUS. John Smith, what do you mean by coming home at this time of "-— Smith— “sallon your (/ze) ‘count, Mary. Wanter borrow a lantern t' find that box o' fried oysters. 1 just bought fo" you, Had ‘em in my hand this minute! in’t you ashamed, John? Look at ‘em, hanging on your arm!" A MISSISSIPPI AVOCATION. PASsENGER—"* What do you do on the boat?” ** Kim right down, boss, We's jes’ gittin’ ready fer a race wiv dat Belle ob Emrtovex—"' I's d’extry steam hand, sah, Kim down b'low ‘n ‘bout half A/emphis, ‘n hour en yo'll see me a-wuckin’.” comicbooks.com