Judge — January 12, 1889 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

222 “<dTriep = Out = By = Fire:D on, WHAT SHALL A FAT MAN RENDER WHEN HE SHALL BE TRIED? By the author of “* The Horse and His Diseases,” which the same is Bu Nye. CHAPTER IV. T IS TIME for the Christmas-tree exercises. The organ swells slightly on one side as the young or- ganist fills it full of wind and begins that grand old nocturne, “Shall we gather at the river?” The choir accompany him, at times getting a neck or two ahead and then falling behind again, ‘Then the pastor opens the tree with prayer. He gives the Lord a brief but succinct account of what the church has accomplished, number of souls lost and saved during the past year, number of damaged souls taken on probation and repaired, amount of indebtednéss of church and prospects for the future, with a resolution at the close indorsing the general wisdom and good judgment of the Lord in many instances during the past, and expressing ‘a hope that the same kindly and conservative policy may characterize the future. And now the gifts are being distributed by a number of light-footed young men, among whom we see Kyrle Ellsmere, who leaves a present and an air of bergamot wherever he alights, Here are a few of the gifts Handsome camp-chair, with red and blue stair-carpet seat, for Mrs. Earl, from her loving daughter who is married and lives in Montana, Beautiful pair of decorated salt-and-pepper bottles, holding one squirt each, for Mrs. Saxe-Horn, from her husband. Heavily chased napkin-ring, made from the olive-tree under which the sermon on the mount was preached, from the bible-class as a token of kind regard to the wife of the pastor. $100 bill from Judge Parkersburg, “our leading capitalist,” to his According to common report, he will choke her on the way home it away from her again. He can then use it for next year. Pair Bohemian glass vases for the pastor from the infant-class. Plush floral album for the wife of the pastor from the president of the first national bank. ** Stand back and give her air.” “The choir accompany him.” Bright-red_jumping-jack to the editor of the paper from the local humorist who is funny every Christmas. Fine floral display from Halford Remson to his wife, consisting of a barrel of flour. Beautiful red, sugar-cured ham to president of the first national bank from his admirers at the poor-house. Another pair beautiful Bohemian glass vases for the pastor from Judge Parkersburg and wife. Very unique popcorn ball for the pastor's children from the Woman's Little Hustler band. Seven-foot hand-sled for Johnnie Butts (Pearl’s brother) from) Henry Hornblower. Handsomely bound volume of the report of the national bureau for the prevention of cholera among swine, from the member of congress for this district to the pastor. And so it went on for nearly an hour, when just as Kyrle Ellsmere was about to reach down a rare pair of pic tures called “ Wide Awake” and“ Fast Asleep,” for Miss Butts, his foot slipped, he caught wildly at the top of the Christ- mas-tree and pulled it over on him like one who wraps the drapery of his couch about him and lies down to pleasant dreams, In less time than one could ejacu- late “scat!” the little tapers had set fire to the tree, popcorn, cornucopias of candy, large, thick yarn wristlets, woolen socks and other bijouterie, so that that end of the church was a mass of flames in an instant. As the audience discovered that the church was already on fire and re membering that the fire department was giving a ball at Early's Mills, a shrill, piercing shriek might ‘ave been heard, after which most everybody took his presents and went away. Those who had received no presents so far took their presence of mind under one arm and left the burning building, comicbooks.com