Judge — 1888 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL THE DAUGHTER'S WISH AND THE FATHER'S DECISION. EAR father, let my love invoke Your kind regard for him; GAS Tears that my eyes will dim, His gifts are nature's best, ‘y Him I would still request. He sings divin And verses wri Consent, ar father--ple: se ee +Besides, my daughter—now attend, And don’t avert you QUITE THE PROPER THING. Mrs. Dumley—* Out of nine children the only one now living is Cousin Kate.” Mr. Dumley—* Cousin Kate, the dressmaker ?” Mfrs. Dumley—" Ve Mr. Dumtey--“Well, that’s all right. of the fitist, you know.” WORKED LIKE A CHARM. Doctor (who has been taking patient’s tempera how do you feel ? Patient (eyeing the thermometer with consid- erable awe)—* Much better, thank ye. that’s a wonderful thing that'll help a body so quick!” Survival a dispensary ure)-—" Now, my good woman, NEVER WENT TO THE MOUNTAINS. Bobley—* There goes a man who lives higher than some of our most noted millionaires.” Wiggins— Who is he?” Bobley—“ Janitor of a fourteen-story office build- ing.”. A PERSIAN PROVERB, If you enlist in the army, say a prayer; if you go to sea, say two; but if you get married, say three. AN ASSERTION OF HIS RIGHTS. Ns OS SS f Though poor, he's worthy of a queen; > >} And though you might the whole world dances well, 3 with ease ; His drawings have no paratlel— Voice (from under the sofa\—'* From this time forth I shall cease to call you wife: you have beaten me shamefully and I have still enough of the ‘ofa man left within me to remain here until you apologize for your conduct. it FROM JUDGE. 35 SECTIONAL BITTERNESS, “Couldn't you help a poor fellow,” said the tramp, “who has lost his last dollar simply’ through sectional animosity?” “T will be glad to,” replied Bagley, “if you will only tell me your sad story.” “T invested in lots in a Kansas town that would have been the new Chicago of the west if those infernal people of Kansas City hadn't ruined it.” But Bagley’s eye giared stonily. “ Fool,” he gurgled, as he stalked away : “/am from Kansas City !” HE MISUNDERSTOOD. Nursery agent—*Can't I put you in some trees, Mr. Lafitte? We have some excellent dwarf pears.” New householder —* Can't sell me any. I don't want any hump-backed fruit on my place.” NO PARLEZ-VOUSING THERE. Waiter (in Chicago restaurant)—* How d'ye like the steak cooked, mister?” Bobley (of York)—* Aw—underdone, please.” Waiter —* Wedon't do no French cookin’ here, mister. Our steaks are jest got up rare, middlin’, an’ well-done. Which ‘Il ye have?” THE CONSEQUENCES OF TEMERITY. Uscte BiLinan (who has unwisely sampled the side dish of Rocyuefort cheese)—" By gum! ‘That butter ain't in no trance !” MACHINE VS MAN. Higgins (watching his friend getting weighed at the “ drop- your-nickel” machine)—“ Why, the thing don't work! It's a beastly swindle.” Wiggins—* Well, it hasn't got ahead of me, any. ‘Sh! That nickel was plugged.” THE REST IS SILENCE. “What makes it rain, papa 2” “To make the vegetables grow, my child, and the nice fruit you like so much.” © Well, then, papa, what makes it rain on the boulevards ?” Despair of papa. A MOTHER'S CARES. Lite Elsie—' O, take me up, mamma! It's so muddy.” Mamma—* Walk across, that’s a good girl, Mamma has all she can do to carry poor Fido.” De same apple dat yo’ want w’en yo’ see hit obah de fence yo’ wudn’ pick up ef it war in de paf. Ah, see the baby kiss its toes! How sweet ! How soon its knows ‘how to make both ends meet.” No pusson w’at g cud at wah. 1s skeered kin win at pokah enny mo’ en he When I smoke, my wife in anger gets, And the more I fume the more she frets. comicbooks.com