Judge, 1888 · page 36 of 72
Judge — 1888 — page 36: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains five distinct satirical sketches mocking social pretensions and political follies of the era: **"Hyphen and Hymen"**: Ridicules the elaborate hyphenated surnames of wealthy New York families (Van-Rensselaer-Roosevelt types), suggesting their names are absurdly long. The joke: a woman refuses marriage until her suitor agrees to always write his impossibly complex name with hyphens. **"Looked Like an Editor"**: A hotel clerk mistakes a shabby-dressed guest for the editor Hull based on baggy trousers—implying editors dress poorly. **"Democratic Veteran"**: Satirizes an elderly lifelong Democrat voter so devoted he'll "vote for Cleveland" despite apparently being in poor health, portrayed as uncouth and unprincipled. **"The Meanings Clashed"**: A widow and widower misunderstand each other—she means tobacco "weed," he means marriage vows—a play on ambiguous language. **"Another Addition to the American Colony in Canada"**: Mocks a businessman's confused explanation of wheat speculation using "long" and "short" market positions. All reflect late-19th-century satirical humor targeting class pretension and political excess.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. fia) HYPHEN AND HYMEN. Miss D'Hocqueronvitie— No, it is impossible, sir. I never can be your wife.” “Tha c al standing—and I love you.” Miss D'HocqueToNvinte. (shudder But your name!” ; SsutH—# Ah, rememb Stuyvesant. Von-Ripper-Van-Rensselaer-Roosevelt-Couger-Schuyler-Smiths.” Miss D'HocqueTonvitte—**Henry, I relent! Lam yours! But please always write your name with a hyphen. LOOKED LIKE AN EDITOR. CAREFUL OF HIS REPUTATION. Stranger—"1s Editor Hull stopping here?” Zawyer—*1 have applied for a mandamus in your case.” Hotel clerk—“Well, there was a gentleman whose trousers bagged Client (superintendent of Sunday-school)—‘‘ Don’t you think it at the knees, came this morning. Front, take this card up to 112.” — would sound better to make it a mandarnus? ” DEMOCRATIC VETERAN. “There he goes,” said Jim- perly proudly; “that’s - old Smithson. You've seen his name in the papers. Ninety- five years old and a Democrat from ‘way back. Voted for every Democratic candidate for president since Jackson’s time.” “Ah!” said Jumperly ; “by George, he must have a con- stitution like a horse!” “Well, I guess,” said Jimperly proudly, ‘he is a simon-pure, yard-wide Democrat. Never drank water but once and then there was salt in it for worms, and never paid any debt but a liquor bill.” “And they let him run around loose, do they?” asked Jum- perly languidiy. “Oh yes; he is able to take care of himself. He wants to live to vote for Cleveland this fall,” said Jimperly. “Ah,” said Jumperly sadly, ANOTHER ADDITION TO THE AMERICAN THE MEANINGS CLASHED. “that will probably finish him;” COLONY IN CANADA. Wivower Ciurpur (referring to cigar)—"1 hope you and as Jimperly listened to his Crarence K. SHEAR (fo Cholly)—“Break it to m don't object to the weed, Lavinia?” sigh he wondered if Jumperly wife, Cholly. Tam going to Canada to settle some busi- Wipow SPARKLES (referring fo haty—“"Not in the least i ess. The long and the short of it is""— now, but of course you'll give it up after we are married?” hehe Republican ornot. He HOLLY— What is the long and short of it?” Ard Cluedup, who had smoked for forty years, began to figure COuld not tell from this conver- — Cyarexce—'] went long on wheat and short in my the cost of a breach of promise suit. sation. Can you, dear reader? accounts. That's the size of it. Bye-bye.” comicbooks.com