Judge, 1888 · page 34 of 72
Judge — 1888 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains six short comedic sketches typical of Judge's satirical humor: **"A Lake George Idyl"**: A woman (Miss Primm) begins praising boys' modesty before a fence collapses—suggesting the boys were skinny-dipping, undercutting her sanctimoniousness. **"The Best of Evidence"**: A detective seeking a robbery suspect is told the most trustworthy clerk is one who reads the Bible during lunch. The detective excitedly identifies *this* man as his suspect—the satire being that excessive piety masks guilt. **"No Cause for Complaint"**: A hotel proprietor denies mosquitoes exist but admits mosquito bites cover a guest's face, then claims they're "only bug bites"—absurd verbal evasion. **"He Objected"**: A striking worker accepts dismissal but objects to being called a "tramp printer"—valuing dignity even while accepting humiliation. **"A Seaside Romance"**: A wealthy man tells a poor woman he's ill, she misinterprets romantically, then learns he must quit *smoking*—deflating melodramatic expectations. **"Domestic Economy"**: A woman blames her husband for the fire going out—domestic complaint humor. All rely on misunderstandings, hypocrisy, and class commentary typical of late-19th-century American satire.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. A LAKE GEORGE IDYL. Miss Primat— How charmingly modest those little boys are, and how they will enjoy their swim in the"— (Fence breaks down with a chorus o THE BEST OF EVIDENCE. “Do you suspect any of the clerks?” asked the detective, who had been called in to investigate a robbery. “ Decidedly not,” replied the merchant. “The only one who has the handling of the money is above any suspicion. He is such an exemplary young man that he curtails his time for lun- cheon so as to be able to read the bible he keeps in his desk.” “Point him out to me,” cried the detective, rubbing his hands in delight ; “he’s the very man I want.” NO CAUSE FOR COMPLAINT. thought you guaranteed there were no mosquitoes in this id a guest at a summer resort. “Neither there are, sir,” returned the hotel proprietor. “But they kept me awake all night. Just look how my face is bitten!” “ Tut, tut, man !” replied the proprietor, scrutinizing his guest ; “those are only bug bites.” HE OBJECTED. “You're a tramp printer,” said the editor to a man who had been given employment during a strike. ‘ You'd better put on your things and leave.” “Oh, I'll go fast enough,” the fellow replied ; but there’s one AN INE(A)RADICABLE DISEASE. thing I want you to understand—I object to the epithet ‘ printer.’” nd what did de doctor on Te said de chile had a 'tack of erysipelas.” - Eary-siplas !—I allus said dat chile would hab trouble wif his cars some day, cansisaibabiaeniaane Bt inte A SEASIDE ROMANCE. “They were sitting silently on the sands, watching the waves roll by. The yellow moon made him look bilious, but she never thought of that. “I went to sce the doctor to-day,” he murmured languidly, “and he said I was suffering from an affection of the heart.” She started violently. The dream of her life seemed about to be realized. But still it seemed like hoping against hope. He was the son of a millionaire, while she tried on cloaks ina Hebrew firm. Yet his manner and words were so natural that she was convinced he was sincere, and she turned half around so that she could fall into his arms at the critical moment without knocking his pot-bellied hat off into the water. “Yes,” he went on in the old listless way ; “the doctor says it has gone so far that he couldn't speak for my life unless I gave up"— “ What?” she screamed in a voice as sad and mocking as the waves that washed the French dressing off her dollar-and-forty- DOMESTIC ECONOMY. nine-cent kids. Mrs, SCHNAGENBERG Poof real har-rt, Fritz! The fire in the shtoafhez “Smoking cigarettes,” he replied, turning around to see what gone aus.” ailed her. comicbooks.com