Judge — 1888 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NATURAL GAS FROM JUDGE. O, gay Lisette, so false you seem — ‘Tis true I lingered by the stream, In happy summers long ago And roamed with thee, a- pering low The thoughts through lovers’ he: ts that teem. Thy presence was to me a gleam Of rays of sunshine where they beam With affluent ardor, all aglow, O, gay Lisette! tte, I did not deem ” your cheeks of cream; x; I did not know That eye was glass that glitlered $0; Your quondam graces are a d ‘0, gay Lisette ! CHICAGO SENSITIVENESS. The scene was Chicago, of pork-packing fame; The maid had inherited wealth from the same. She gave the M. D. the most frigid go-by Because he averred she'd a sty in her eye. PREPARING TO CELEBRATE. 23 CASE OF ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. Mr. Joseph Bidwell, 9 Blank Street, Chicago, I. Dear Sir: Will you kindly advise me of your address? I thought I had preserved your letter, but have very stupidly mislaid it Very truly, Joun Satu. A DANGEROUS DIET. Higgins (meeting his friend Wi in restau- rant)—“ By Jove, Tom! I should think you'd be afraid to eat that dish. It's fatal!” Wiggins—* What's the matter? It’s only spare- ribs and apple sauc Higgins—* Well, isn’t that just what knocked out Adam?” BLIGHTED HOPES. Griggs (to lady who treads on his toe in street car)—* Will you permit me, madam,”— She—*O. thank you !” Griggs—*'To call your attention to the strap overhead A CHILD'S MISTAKE. Aunt Jane (who paints)—* Ha, Tommy ! I won- der what makes your cheeks look so much fresher than mine!” Lille Tommy —“1s'pose it's ’cause | haven't worn ‘em so long.” Officer Houlikan—*Oi wondher phwy the di Crowley is sthealin’ all the green sthuff from the kangaroo beyant?” Oficer Sckmitz—*1 dinks he vos alretty for dot sevendeenth of March preparing to decorate.” ‘They don’t speak now. A STRAIGHT TIP. In a broker's office during the flurry. Stock boy (waiting for notice)—* They'll be a panic t A.D. orrer.” A. D. T. Messenger—** Will they Stock boy—'* Didin’ 1 j A, D. T. A—** Wouldin’ you Stock boy—‘* What fer?” A.D. 7. AfL,—‘*Make money.” Stock-boy—‘* How ?” A. D. 7: M.—‘‘Work for one broker, an’ den brace another, on de quiet.” —‘* How much ?” A.D.T. M.—“Twen’y-fivea message o' course.” Stock-boy—Ver think yer'd git it, but yer wouldin’, a AD. TM Yerd git every b Stock boy—** Yi yer ye'll be s an’ why wouldn't yer? ace.” , an’ if de company gits onter din’ up hill on yer uppers.” A COUNTER-IRRITANT. Ain't you ‘shamed to torture that poor creeter so? " T pay for Kate's g-lessons, that's cnough. I'll be dried and to Listen to ’em. Mrs. Mucrims—"Why Mr, Mucriss— burnt if I'm a going to PORKER’S PRESENT. Porker—‘'1 want to get my wife a birthday present, Mr. Cameo, and she kinder hinted to me that she would like a solitaire ring.” Cameo—‘' Well, sir, here are some fine ones.” Porker—‘ Oh, I don’t like them things with only one stone ; haven't you got some solitaires in clusters?” THINGS MATERIAL PREFERRED. Mrs. Frankincense (New York)—‘ And how did you enjoy your Boston visit?” Miss Gusher (Cincinnati)—“ Oh, immensely. _1 was awfully disapppinted though. 1 did so want to hear Phillips Brooks, but you see we were there only part of Sunday and we couldn’t go to Trinity and get a shore dinner at Taft's both you know.” UNSATISFIED. Together they dined and he bored her with sighs, With bashful advances and dull, sheepish eyes; They dined upon quail, and she swears by the moon She'll not dine again upon quail with a spoon. TOO MUCH OF A DOSE. Rourke—‘Phwat’s the matter wid yure goat, Misthress Moriarty?” Mrs. M. “Sure, it’s afraid Oi am that the poor baste is kilt entirel e's afther swallyin’ a paper wid a sthove-pipe RETALIATORY. Yer won't give me nothin’, boss? yer won't get nothin’ neither !” Tramp —* What! Well, jest wait till yer axes a favor of me, comicbooks.com