Judge — 1888 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. HIS SONG OF THE SHIRT. Oxp Waysack—‘‘ Waal, by ginger! that's the most outlan: shirt I ever seed in my life. I wouldn't wear the thing if he'd give it to me. No, sir; yer Uncle Silas takes the old fashioned kind, that you wears under yer coat, every time.” A DIABOLICAL SUGGESTION. A fiendish photographer suggests that the amateurs may utilize their kits this Winter by taking, through a small auger hole, in- stantaneous views of the couple in the back parlor in the different stages of the yum- yum business. The use of these incontro- vertible proofs in breach of promise suits is apparent. It is thought also that the youn man who is “took” would give a libera price to control the negatives. The utility of these views is varied and much more apparent than is that of the views of the profoundest philosopher. SEEN AT THE SEANCE. ‘*What was the size of the figure that came out of the cabinet?” was asked of a man who had attended a spiritualistic seance. | month and found,” said old Blodget. “And “Oh, about medium size,” was the reply. “I pay my hired man sixteen dollars a | found,” interrupted his niece. ‘What do you mean by that? How do you find him?” “Why,” replied the old man, ‘if he don't | know I’m comin’ I generally find him either | asleep or with his arms around the hired A CASE OF CATARRH (GUITAR)! Serexaper—Oh cub, oh cub, and fly wid be; de bood is shiding and—* Oxp Max— Oh, go hobe, you dar'd fool, a'd blow your dose !” There seems to bea larger stock of dry | humorists than of dry humor. It isn’t every girl who has talent cnough | to go on the stage ; but she is a pretty poor stick who can’t occasionally take a "bus In Jewell, Me., there is said to be a black’snake six feet long and as white as milk. The reader must judge for himself whether the man who says so is color | blind as to his eyes or his whisky. | The onion stalk is a very pathetic [| stalk ; it generally draws tears; but the corn stalk is so husky it seldom reaches other ears than its own UTILIZING HIS SON’S VACATION. Son—‘‘Fader, van vaster, the flies are getting dicker.” SIDE WHISPERS. Once A:dipus said to the “Lcan solve your old riddle, me. And straightw: Unravel the hid, And the citizens paid for the drinx. After all itis the bad child who gets the palm. There is to be a corner in white beans. It is to be called a literary syndicate. If all flesh is grass, the fat woman at the dime mu- seum must be a sort of hay- mow. The Harvard student will attend prayer hereafter only when he gets good and ready, and as he will be ready only when he is good the Harvard chapel is likely to acquire as much dust as NO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. ‘Yes, gentlemen, I am a reformed. Lapy—"‘ Great goodness! what could he have looked like before?” A St. Louis man, who was captured by Italian brigands a year ago, has returned to this country minus an ear. The brigands took it to use as a door for the entrance of their cave. UNGRAMMATICAL, BUT SEASONABLE. The ice man hastes with his well-filled tongs, To akitchen door in the rear; The servant-maid whom he tei Meets him there with a roguish leer. He begs a kiss—o’er the frigid lump, But she says to him nay, thus-ly : “How can you ask it, when well you know There's a coolness ‘twixt you and 1?” Chicago boasts of being the largest center for theological study in the country. Good field for object lessons in original sin. A KNOWING TRAMP, Tramp (to dude)—‘‘Say, Boss, gimme a nickel. I've been widout work for a long while, and you know how that is yourself.” Moonsuiner—‘* Um ! you must grow smart so as de flies on you not get.” the chap’ll acquire sinfu!- ness. Prof. WITHAUS, the celebrated Chemist, says: ‘The SEAL SKIN CIGAR is free from any unnalural flavor.”—Absolutely Pure —See Analysis. ‘The “SEAL SKIN” is smoked all over the world. S. F, Hess & Co., Sole Manufacturers, Premium Tobacco Works, Rochester, N. Y. comicbooks.com