Judge — 1888 — page 79: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHESTNUTS FROM JUD GE. WAITING FOR THE SPIRIT TO MOVE HIM. MOODS AND TENSES. A new-fashioned girl with an old-fashioned ma Resolved to improve her in manners and speech, Not knowing how fruitless a task it might prove So ancient a pupil to teach. But after explaining the ways of the verb With marvelous clearness, her patience was spent At having the question propounded one night, ‘When Edgarhad gone, "Zs he went?” The new-fashioned girl with the old-fashioned ma, In anguish af soul and with sauciness, too, Made answer, “What grammar! Dear Edward i+ gone— Js'gone! and he bade me adieu!” The old-fashioned ma of the new-fashioned girl, Perceiving her proper young daughter was rude, Asked angrily, “Well, shall I say I am glad He is gone, or I’m glad he's a dieued ?" Mas. Georce ARCHIBALD. She's just come out, come out, come out. Her mother stands behind the door To watch her darling rule the floor And win of hearts and hands galore. What! her first season ; ’s that in reason? That cold survey with eyes cold gray ? Oh, no! she’s just come out, come out For this occasion. Many nights And moons have waxed and taken flight Since first the girl came out, came out— She thoroughly knows what's she's about. MERELY AN ADVERTISEMENT. First Lirrre Girt (getting acquainted in the neighborhood)—‘‘ So gone Pa is being boycotted. Well, that’s nothing—my Ma has been divorced three times.” Seconp Litter Girt (naively) —“ And hasn't that ruined her social position?” First Lirtre Girt (pertly)—“ Indeed, no ; quite the contrary. My Ma is an actress.” ABORICULTURE. Cora (rapturously)—‘‘ What a magnifi- cent tree that is over there.” Merertr (putting on)—“Yes, my dear! that’s what ‘Tennyson would call an im- memorial monarch of the forest.” Cona (inquisitively)—“ But how do you know it's so old?” Meritt (looking very funny)— Because I see it’s a chestnut.” CHILDISH PHILOSOPHY. Littte Lit (pouting)—“I ‘ish I was as big as Cora:” SMexarrr (amused)—“You should not have such a wish as that, baby; you want to keep young as long as you can.” Lrrtz Lit (not so sure)—I don’t know about that. If I was big as sister Cora I'd wear a bustle, and then ma touldn’t spank me any more.” TOOK HIM AT HIS WORD. Mrs. Brown (with her dander up)— “Didn't I caution you not to make a noise with that horrid tin whistle?” Litre Jounny (quite crestfallen)—“‘Why, Pa told me to.” Mrs. Brown naughty boy! didn’t.” Litttz Jounny (pertinaciously)—“ Oh, i he did, Ma. asked him to buy mea icycle and he said 1 would have to whis- tle for it” (getting angry)—‘ You you know very well he SIGNS OF THE TIMES. The furniture dealer over the way Has just driven in a nail, And hung this notice over his door: And the little Jew tailor has put up a sign ‘That all can read at a glance: And now is the time to subscribe for Tux JuDcE, For this is the season of year, When, according to all learned M.D.’s, “Spring humors” are sure to appear. “Salisbury, though of the bluest blood of England, puts on no style.” This must be the famous Salisbury plain. A correspondent asks: “If you were going to be killed for murder, would you prefer the halter or the guillotine?” The proposition is so painfully suggestive that we shall never be guilty of murder ; but if that misfortune ever should happen to us, we should split the difference by going sleigh- riding and freezing to death. Gornc !! Gong!!! A Glear and Fresh Complexion To retain, 1,000 testimoni CHEMIST,’ in or induce it, ue ARSENIC COMPLEXION WAFERS; over as to efficiency and perfect safety. _T« 346 Weat 16th Street, ‘o be had only of “ENGLISH jew Work. By mail, $1.00. comicbooks.com