Judge — 1888 — page 52: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

46 CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. IMPENDING FASHIONS. Common Sense is to be worn as little as ever. It will be used only by those who are considered ‘‘ behind the times.” cconomy promises to be in demand by all classes. The poor must use it, and those who wish to appear rich and are not, will bring it into requisition where its employment will be hidden. Faith and Trust have not so strong a hold upon the public as for- merly. A spurious article put upon the market ini preat quantity last year tended to destroy confidence in these goods. Veracity, or a close imitation, will be popular as ever, made up in very loose garments, which can be thrown aside or hidden, at the convenience of the wearer. Honesty is now woven of a most elastic material, which will stretch and twist into so many forms as to be totally unrecogniz- able as associated with the old style fabric so named. Brain holds as favorite in certain circles, but the ‘‘ English you know” set have “cut it” entirely. Honor is no favorite among that wealthy class which is composed of monopolists, shoddyites, politicians and certain bank officials. It is considered quite antiquated in style, and some parties who at one time gave it countenance now pretend never to have heard of it. Orthodoxy retains its hold, but not firmly. It is not nearly so straight-laced as it was a few years since. Heresy is very popular, especially when worn with white neck- A DETERMINED STAND. “Gess dis one doan’ b'long tah us. _Jest tickul his feet a little, Zekel, ’n see ’s he won’ go foh yo.” EVERY ONE FOR HIMSELF. SYS First Tramp—* Will that dog bite?” Srconp Tramp—“ You must find out for yourself. He may not be hungry since he had half of my leg.” AFTER THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY. A friend of the family takes the father of the bride aside and says: “Do you know that your son-in-law is a ruined man—perfectly overwhelmed with debts?” “*No, you don’t say so.” “Tam sure of it. In fact he’s only married your daughter so as to be able to pay his debts with her fortune.” “Then why the deuce didn’t you tell me so before?” «*What do you take me for? I’m one of his heaviest creditors.” THE CAUSE OF IT. “I knew that George’s short-comings would be the ruin of him,” said the widow when informed that her husband had been made away with in the far west. ‘‘It was on account of his short- comings, wasn’t it?” “Ye-es,” responded the cowboy, who was deputed to explain all very gently to her; “yes, he come three feet short of touching the ground.” ties and garments of clerical cut. The favor it meets with has been shown in most of our late ministerial meetings. Creeds are of all designs, textures and shades. Every taste can be suited from the great variety in the market. Fraud will not, it is to be hoped, be so universally common as last year. There are many who would willingly wear it, but their doctors (of law) inform them that the law suits were hurtful to the health of the users, in many cases compelling their close confinement to the house for an extended period. The sentiment | of the people generally is in favor of its total suppres- sion. E. Reep, TWO BEATS THAT THROB AS ONE. Sux (in soliloquy at sea-shore)—‘ Well, I suppose I’ve got to give up flirting and go home and marry poor, stupid old Teddy, as that is the suitable and proper and | altogether hateful thing to do.” He (in soliloquy in town)—“ Well, I suppose Carrie will be happening along before Jong, and then good-bye to all the nice little loafs with my former girl. Pity all the nice girls are ineligible and all the eligible girls are such flats.” Eacu (in next letter to the other)—‘‘ All my happiness, my darling, is in the thought that we shall soon meet to part no more.” SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE. | i Hi WN There is a scheme ‘‘to purify tobacco;” but the popu- | I shay, Misthur Druggist, what's good to sober up on?” lar impression is that when you purify. tobacco you don't have any tobacco. Druccistr—“I don’t know of anything better than to stand on your own door step and hear your wife's footsteps. in has become clear and fresh-looking since usi 00 West ith Stret, writes "The red and ecaly eczema spots on tay forehead have ioe Arsenic Complexion Wafers, saistisi taking your Waress.”” ts and Ja samples a5 Conte sliver. ‘To be had only of = English Chemist! your Warexs. 233 st per box; sent by mall ty any addrcos: 148 Weat i6th Street, New York. comicbooks.com LDasivaTion RUCTLES ARE WEAK AND WORTHLESS.