Judge — 1888 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

per sat, ready for the fray, and quietly went with the other fellows into the adjoining apartment where Uncle Sullivan hung out whenathome. Here Theophilus proceeded to dress himself carefully. ‘The poor old man backed up against the bedstead, knocking sparks of fire from Mrs. Skimper’s eyes, caromed on the easy-chair, and sat down with a tremendous concus sion in the middle of the floor. Then he began to take off his shoes, not without sundry smothered and incoherent oaths, while Mrs. Skimper fairly humped herself in conversation with him. She begged to remind him that he had never come home quite that drunk before ; that she would get a divorce from him the day they got back to the city; that he was a depraved and heartless wretch to so maltreat the wife of | is bosom ; that she'd a great mind to call the house ‘and let every lady see what a cle he had made of himself. Theo- and the boys were fairly snorting by time, but Theophilus was afraid to Taugh he valued his life. ‘The unsuspecting old man in the mean- | time had never heard a word, of course, of the tirade of his nephew's wife, and never dreamed he wasn’t in his own room. His silence enraged Mrs. Skimper, but not be yond utterance. She fairly hummed with Tage, and the torrent of her eloquent denun- ciation echoed and re-echoed in the stilly night over the entire premises. It was the bottled wrath of three weeks. But Uncle Sullivan knew no more about it than a babe unborn. He was simply undressing as usual. | By this time he had gotten his second wind and his robe de nuit and night-cap on. Suddenly he tuned up, and ina clear, melo- dious voice, which rang out in the night, sang :— When I was consul at Honolulu, Honolulu, When I was consul at Honolulu! Mrs. Skimper gave a shriek and a bound and gained the hallway. ‘Then she shrieked some more, and gained the attention of the entire neighborhood. | This was Theophilus’ time. He rushed out, dressed and spruced up, got ahead of his wife and met her on the stairway with his traveling bag in his hand and an air of perfect bewilderment on his face. With the entire household he proceeded to look for the intruder in his wife's apartments. ‘He! had to go to the city on a little business, | but if he had only been home he would | have made the ruffian pay dearly for this outrage.” Not a.trace of any interloper was found in Mrs, Skimper’s room, thanks to the care of the boys, in the meantime. There was Uncle Sullivan in. his own bed, snoring serenely. Mrs, Skimper looked confused. Her hus band mildly suggested that shehad had the nightmare. She flew into a passion of tears, and became hysterical; the other guests tapped their foreheads and looked at her pityingly. She was wild with fury and suspicion, but:she couldn't say a word. And if Skimper has luck she'll never know any better. Joux Paut Bocock. ANXIOUS TO LEARN. Bostox Girt—‘And did you visit Goat | Island when you were at Niagara?” Summer Tourist—‘‘Oh, yes; went all over it.”* Boston Gir.—'Do tell me something | about the goats.” | CHESTNUTS FROM JUDGE. HE “BUM" FROM BUMTOWN. BY “ FERGY.” From which a dose of ipecac Was put in the beer that foamed so gay, By the cross bar-man, who knew no pay He'd get from the bum " from Bumtown. This is the gutter in which was stretched A form whose stomach heaved and retched, On account of the bottle, tall and black, From which a lot of ipecac Was put in the beer that foamed so gay. Anit down his throat was stored away By the dead-beat bum from Bumtown. This is the beer that foamed so gay In that saloon one fateful day, And was drank by the bum’? from Bumtown. | This is the Po-lice Ambulance, Which to the station-house did prance With the “ bum” who was so prostrate stretched- With “innards” all convulsed and retched, By the terrible dose of ipecac, Which came from the bottle tall and black, And was put in the beer that foamed so gay, By that bar-tender, who had got wear-ay This is the bottle — tall and black, Of being “' bilked" by the “bum” from Bumtown, Mi LLER’S HOTE : 39 & 41 West 26th Street, New York. $2.50 per Day. ’ _—st Turkish, Electric and Roman Baths, and Massage. %_ Sena for Ciroulers. comicbooks.com